Wow. Can it really be?
Just three days until Asher and I get on a big 747 headed to China?
I am so. not. ready.
And, in the midst of needing to pack, organize and prepare, I find myself not, well… myself.
I’m weak kneed.
I’m pretty much a basket case.
I managed to make a run out to pick up some more gifts for the China officials yesterday. And right in the middle of TJ M@xx, I found myself on the verge of cratering.
Just walking by the toy section reminded me of my littles. Of course. But in thinking of them, I suddenly missed them so. In a heart-breakingly painful way.
I ached to not be leaving for China in 3 days.
When I was tucking the littlest boys into bed for the night, snuggling Jude down under his covers, I reminded him to snuggle his new special pillow every time he missed me while I was in China. His eyes became glassy with big, salty tears and he asked if he could please come to China with me. He said how much he loved me. He said how much he would miss me.
And I ached to not be leaving for China in 3 days.
It’s hard, this adoption thing. And the closer you get to it, the more emotional it becomes.
Of course, I’m beside myself with excitement (and a ridiculous amount of nervousness) to hold my new daughter. I can not wait. But the flip side of me going to get her, is me leaving all my other babies.
There’s no doubt my dashing and very-capable husband will do a wonderful job taking over the parental duties 100%. He’s a fantastic father and there isn’t a job around here he can’t do just as well as, if not better than, I can.
But there’s just one thing he is not, and can not be. Their mother.
And just thinking of one of them missing me, or crying for me or needing me makes me ache to not be going to China in 3 days.
Thankfully, I know from experience that once I go through the agony of kissing their sweet faces goodbye and giving them each just one last hug, and somehow manage to get my blubbering self on that big ol’ 747, that I’ll be fine. I’ll be on my way to Vivienne, with my sweet Asher at my side.
It’s just a matter of getting from here to there.