tears

This morning it hit me. I mean, really hit me.

Today my biggest baby was leaving home. Again.

As I grabbed a stack of cereal bowls to set out for breakfast, I cried.

As I picked out dresses for the littlest to wear to church, I cried.

I tried to reason with myself – compared my fleeting hurt to the enduring heartbreak of others – and I told my heart to shush.

But it didn’t. It wouldn’t. A mom’s heart just can’t be quieted when it feels the ache of missing its very own.


I wanted one last picture of all my babies together.

And despite my aching heart, my kiddos managed to bring a big ol’ smile to my face.

If even just momentarily.



Tonight the tears fall, as they did this morning and this afternoon. I continue to try to reason with my heart… after all, I’m not sad for her. She has everything ahead of her — a career, marriage, a baby or three. Or ten. The entire world is at her fingertips.

But still. The tears.

Today, I’m sad for me. And the fact that, once again, half the United States will separate us.

Not the best day to give up coffee and chocolate.


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Comments

  1. :( cannot even imagine — i’m in serious denial that any of mine will leave– i’m sure that will only last for so long…

  2. Oh…my mama’s heart is breaking for you. Their adventures are always tricky for us, but it just means we’ve answered the call well. Hang in there, Mama. Your girl is off to great things. I’ll be praying for both of you.

  3. Adorable pictures. Sorry your baby is leaving again. You are so sweet.

  4. Sorry your heart is sad! May the lord give you comfort.

  5. It must be very hard for mothers!! <3 My kids are still so little so I don't know. Hugs for you!!

  6. Yeah – ouch – I get that…

    hugs – aus and co.

  7. Sorry – I’m trying not to think that someday I will be the mom with a baby heading out .. . . or maybe not?!

    Love the pictures! So many stories in them :)

    You cracked me up about the chocolate and coffee HA! You are more disciplined than I am. For sure.

    xo ellie

  8. You are not alone. My heart has had many of those same kinds of days when my daughter would leave (again) for her college, 19 hours away. I would also try to reason with my heart, to no avail. But it’s a good thing, this loving her. Despite those tearful days, I wouldn’t have it any other way. :*)

  9. just want to cry with you….

    (((hugs)))

  10. Well this is NOT making me feel any better, Stefanie! Mine is going soon. I’ve been mourning in for at least a year already and she’s not even gone yet.
    Waiting vicariously for your reunion posts,
    nancy

  11. My 2nd oldest left the day before as well. I still cry thinking about her leaving. Why do babies have to grow up anyway??

  12. Aw, Stefanie, my heart breaks for you:( I can only imagine how hard it must be to know that she will once again be that far away:( Praying she will be able to come home for a visit soon,

  13. …….there are no words of encouragement that I can dare try to comfort your momma heart with. I am teetering on the edge of~junioryearnot muchtimeleftforallthethingsithoughtwehadplentyoftimefor……and right now is when you need coffee…chocolate…and Jesus the MOST!!!…………praying you will reconsider your position on the first two…and sending you a big caffeinated hug! :(

  14. Oh my…I am not looking forward to this season in my life! You had my heart aching until I started laughing out loud at your coffee/chocolate comment! For crying out loud!! Eat the dang chocolate!!!! lol…

    :)

  15. love you, sweet friend.

  16. Yes, I hear you. Went through what sounds like similar emotions and reasoning with myself right after Thanksgiving when my oldest left for the Navy. Excited for him and his future…heartbroken for me and a chapter in my life closing. Now I’m going to cry again! Really it has gotten better, but those days leading up to his leaving we’re rough. Praying for you!

  17. When my baby leaves home, I will cry too. You have such a big heart and such a beautiful family!!

  18. I can understand why you are missing your beautiful girl. Let the tears flow–it helps to heal the broken heart!
    She is a beautiful girl and probably a big help too. Love the pictuers.

  19. Or ten. LOL! :D

    I can relate. My firstborn is overseas with the Air Force.

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