More beans you say? Well, since you know it is my heart’s desire to keep y’all happy, I’ll share a bit more… but where to begin? is my first question. As with every major life decision, ‘the beginning’ has a hazy definition. Looking back, the beginning is much more distinct than it was while we were fumbling around in the midst of this amazing process, searching for God’s leading. Thankfully the Master has all things under control at all times. It’s just a matter of when He chooses to let us in on His plan.
So forgive me while I back up. Wayyyyy up.
In November I started having occasional panic attacks thoughts about going back to China. I waxed and waned, but I couldn’t shake that all-too-familiar feeling for long. I can’t really pinpoint the very first nudge, but I recall two events specifically. One was crying to my dear friend Colleen (also my prayer partner) and pouring my heart out to her that I did not want to adopt again. That I was overloaded, overburdened, overwhelmed. I prayed that He would take this burden away from me and let me go back to my carefree days of feeling “done”. It was a difficult time, wondering if I was misinterpreting Him. Or if I just being self-focused and short-sighted and missing His perfect plan. The second thing I recall was being struck by my friend Anne’s post about her new daughter. She and I both have sons with clubfoot and when she shared her story in early November about her newest daughter with orthopedic issues, I couldn’t help but email her with my heartiest congratulations. She and I emailed a bit and she shared more about her agency, WACAP. And I knew something was up. Exactly what, I didn’t know.
I have been in SN China adoption circles since late 2004, so I have read and heard about a lot of agencies, WACAP being one of them. But for some reason, until hearing about them from Anne, my eyes had not been opened to the subsidies they provide for the little ones with special needs. It intrigued me. It frightened me. And yet it beckoned me, somehow. I had had a conversation with God in which I ‘laid out a fleece’ (Judges 6:36-40), telling Him that if He indeed wanted us to adopt again, He not only needed to let my husband in on it, but we needed some $ to get this party started. I wondered about it, if God might be using this revelation about WACAP to lead us forward, but I mostly tried to ignore it. Finally, in January I actually got in touch with them about their program. I was able to rationalize actually calling an agency by telling myself I was researching for the No Hands But Ours site (which I really was doing, it was just in conjunction with satisfying my own curiosity). I then proceeded to tell Chris all about their program, and we were both duly impressed. And somehow (… how, I do not know) I ended up with a password to view the children on their list. And then, somehow, I ended up on that same page every now and then. My heart stung each time I looked at all those precious faces that desperately needed nothing more in the world than a mommy and a daddy.
You guys might recall my post about reentry being rough. And that I was struggling with a burden God had laid on me to do more for Him. Part of that was being more of a wife to my husband, more of a mother to my kids. In honoring God, I felt lead to go to Him first, and then my husband, with all things… big and small. Not that I couldn’t still have my girlfriends, but God wanted me to look with new eyes at my husband. God reminded me that my husband is my partner. For life. He reminded me of the whole “two becoming one” business in the Bible. And that He intended Chris for me and me for him and that I needed to see all the blessings of pursuing that relationship to it’s periphery. That, indeed, investing in my relationship with my husband was second in importance only to investing in my relationship with Him. So, shortly after I came home, I informed my husband that he was now going to be my bff. My go-to gal guy. The blessed recipient of my ramblings about hair color, PMS and endless introspection.
Done laughing?
I have to tell you, it has been an amazing experience. God has blessed our already happy marriage tenfold. My sweet husband has been so patient and considerate as I ponder whether or not I should spend the big bucks for a good hair colorist, or cheap out and risk the results of a not-so-good colorist. Fun stuff. But it has brought us so much closer. I have an entirely new, God-given perspective on this wonderful man, and in return, Chris has gotten a deeper and more honest look into my heart, and what makes it truly tick. And God has used that for His purposes.
Part of this ‘sharing’ with my husband has involved my work on the No Hands But Ours site. The stories. The children. The families. Also, the faces I see on the waiting child lists. The fact that new shared lists are coming out with hundreds of children needing homes. So many children. So. Many. I shared all this with him openly, and he listened. But his response was always the same when I asked if he thought God was calling us to go back: no. And truly, in my heart of hearts, I was okay with that. In a sense it was a very real relief to know that God had not laid another adoption on his heart. That maybe I was just becoming overly emotional and that eventually, hopefully, I’d get over it. After all, I’d spent two weeks in China surrounded by precious little ones. We even visited New Day and not one time did I feel ‘the itch’. And it was wonderful!! I was hopeful God would relieve me of this burden and show me other ways to serve not only Him, but the SN children of China.
Fast forward to the morning of January 30. My boys woke up and came upstairs. I was, you guessed it, on the computer, making my morning rounds. I was checking out Livi Lu, specifically reading about the little girl they sponsor in foster care: Olive. My boys were both immediately taken with her, asking all sorts of questions about her. Dalton asked me if we could adopt her and I said, “No, sweetie.” Then he replied, “Well, then can I have a picture of her?” It was so sweet, it took my breath away. Later that morning, I retold the story to my bff and I could tell by his reaction that the story had impacted him. Just how it had impacted him I wouldn’t know until much later. At the time neither of us were aware of it, but Olive was paving the way for the little girl who was to become our daughter.
The day went along, a usual day, until I checked in on the WACAP site later in the afternoon. There were new kids listed, I had no idea when the site had been updated as it had been a day or two awhile since I’d last looked. And there she sat. She was outside, perched on a bright blue blanket with a heck of a sassy expression on her cherubic face. A little girl with what was described as a limb deformity of all four limbs. Under her description was a blurb disclosing that many agencies were working to find this child a home and that she would probably find a home very quickly. It also stated that a large subsidy was available for her adoption. I emailed my husband a link and just mentioned how stinkin’ cute she was (my words exactly) and left it at that. Later, when he and I talked on the phone, he mentioned that he was slammed at work and that there was no way he could look at anything until later. It ended up being much later, and when things finally settled down at work he called to tell me he was following the link I’d sent. Interestingly, he wanted us to be on the phone together. He opened it, read the brief description and looked at her tiny picture. I could tell by the questions he was asking (that would be basically any question at all) that he was curious. Intrigued. I asked him if he wanted me to contact WACAP about her. He said yes.
So amazing to be able to see God’s handprints on your life. Such a story to be able to share with your entire family. Congratulations on your newest baby!
So awesome to read the beginning of the story…though it’s not really it’s beginning is it? God has been shaping you and Chris, bit by bit and piece by piece to what He has planned for you. Whatever it is…however long it takes…it is inspiring to me that you are willing to listen. To set logistics and other desires aside. To tune out what the “world” has to say sometimes. I feel so full of gratitude and inspired at this challenging time to listen more and to turn over more of my life to Him.
So much love for you,
Your friend,
Anna
aaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkk! You can’t stop there. There’s more, I know there’s more.
I was so caught up in the story, I actually gasped when I got to the last line. OUT.LOUD. I did. PLEASE, tell us more! Please!
Please.
I love it when hubbies come around quickly. Yes, we must hear the rest of the story. ANd it’s really sweet he is your new BFF.
What a sweet story! Many blessings on your journey to your new daughter. 🙂
Hugs,
Tammy
(a Lifeline mom–also waiting)
We eyed this cute patoot for awhile on WACAP. I am so glad she has her mother and father now. So excited for you Stephanie!
Love this story Stephanie…and thanks for sharing the info about this agency…may it bring more children home~
I am so excited for you and your family! I can’t wait to hear more about her!!
Congratulations! Thank you for backing up and sharing the beginning of the story. I can’t wait for the “rest of the story” as Paul Harvey would say. I think I’m living the beginning of your story in my life right now? I’m kind of in that wrestling match (is it me or Him?) that is causing those adoption pangs again…
you are too cute!!!
I love hearing how God puts all the peices together for us…
and so glad you are willing to share your heart with all so we can all be blessed by it!!
Love you girl!
🙂
A
So awesome!!! Congratulations! You are an inspiration to so many…not only through SN adoption, but how we always need to listen to what God has in store for us.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks for sharing a bit of ‘the beans’. I have that same tug on my heart, to return to China, but my husband isn’t feelin’ it…at least not right now 🙂 I am going through the same emotions of wondering if I am misinterpreting. I am constantly reminding myself that now must not be the right time and if it’s part of the plan for us it will happen. It’s good to hear someone else speak about it.
Again, Congrats to your family and thanks for sharing.
Can’t wait to hear more…
Best!
Jess
Seriously! So amazing! I, for one, am greatly blessed by your burden for the SN Chinese children!!!
Keep it up, God!!
You know I can relate to that heart pull!!!! I love this story of how she came to you! I also love hearing about your new BFF! I just picked up "The Power of a Praying Wife" today. It is my heart's desire too to be all that and more for the man God chose for me!!!!
What a new chapter for you Stef! I know God will bless your obedience above & beyond! He already has!!!!
Hugs,
Diana
That's for sharing your story with us. I'm so excited for you & your family.
LOVE it!! I love seeing how God is working in your lives! And it is incredibly inspiring to see you both responding self-lessly & lovingly to His call…this is a fabulous story!!
And girl, you got a gift for writing too, I might add! 😉
Love you guys!!
Patricia
I cannot wait to read “the rest of the story”.
I am so happy for your family!
Diane
I hope this is a TBC…(to be continued) post!
We also loved our experience with WACAP even though things didn’t go the way WE wanted them to go.
WACAP is truly a phenomenal agency and we would totally consider using them again…someday…IF there were to ever BE a someday…just saying..!
We totally loved All God’s Children too…but the financial perks that WACAP offers are fantastic!
This is just so amazing Stef. It is so God.
His ways are flawless…His timing perfect. You can do ALL things THROUGH Him Who gives you strength.
You will probably never know how many lives you have touched by sharing your testimonies.
Blessings,
Holly
Oh no! You stopped! I want to hear more of the story!!!
A beautiful story…thanks for sharing your heart. “Olive” is just precious…so, so sweet. Another journey to follow! Best wishes!!!!
You are enjoying the “keep them coming back” theory, aren’t you? Amazing story. Can’t wait to hear more and meet the little one God ordained to be your daughter.
Hugs,
M
WOW wow wow.
I’m SO happy for you!!!!!
Melissa
and, jealous… i wish i could go back to china…
OK, I think I’m slow on the pick up….. 🙂 When you say “you saw her” did you mean you saw Olive or you saw your daughter (or both). I’m confused! (No surprises there!)
I’m thrilled for you and so excited for a little girl in China who has no idea of the wonderful family God has for her!!! I can’t wait to follow along on the journey! Thanks for always sharing so honestly.
What a great story … God is so good! I hope you realize just how much good you have done already for so many SN kiddos and for the families who will adopt them. Between your own family’s story and the stories and info on NHBO, you are really educating lots of people and helping to pave the way for more SN adoptions. Thanks! Can’t wait to hear more …!
All the best,
Nicole A. in OH
I have been lurking on your blog for awhile now, always inspired by your words and actions of faith. Today your post really struck me as we too are waiting for God to reveal His plan for our second adoption. We feel completely called to love these precious children…but the “how to” and “when” are always challenging. I know God is working and He will show us the way. Your post just reminded me of that yet again. God bless you on your new journey.
PS. You have also played a part in opening our hearts to a SN child this time around!
Thanks for pointing that out, Jenna. No, it was not Olive. It was our girl 🙂 Sorry for the confusion… hopefully my rewording clarifies!
What a beautiful START to the story. You have to keep going Stefanie!! And yes, I agree, WACAP is top notch!!
“Olive” is darling!
Thanks for sharing Stefanie. I liked your description of how those ‘early thoughts’ of why to adopt are hazy and fuzzy. When hubby and I talk now, I don’t really recall when we wanted to start the process. I guess it was just an ongoing thought.
We really are the lucky ones waiting to adopt/have adopted kids with SN. I cannot wait for our turn!
Jenny
Stefanie-
Great story and thank you for sharing. You have me intrigued about her “ortho needs.” We leave for China in 8 days to adopt our daughter who is 16 mo and has cleft hands and feet. Her hands are more like syndactaly (fingers are fused) of some fingers. This affects all extremities and I have not seen many other children with the same condition. Just curious if that is similar to what your new daughter has.
I would love to write an article about our story for “No Hands…” once we are home and have seen all the ortho specialist regarding her surgeries.
Anyway, I look forward to finding out more!
Andy
AH! NEED.MORE.OF.THE.STORY!!! Please post “Backing up. A bit. PART 2” so we can know the rest!!!
🙂
-Nicole
What a wonderful story about how your newest little on has come to be part of your terrific family!
God is so good and He definitley keeps blessings you!
I can’t wait to hear more and see pictures!
Blessings –
Cathy
You are an amazing storyteller.
I can’t wait to hear more of this little girl’s story.
I too ask the Lord for guidance about our Russian adoption…I need the answers to be very clear! He is good, and in the end, there is always an answer!
Wow!
Can’t wait to read “Backing up. A bit. – Part 2”
Don’t leave us hanging. I want to hear more of this miracle that is happening.
How did you tell your kids? Any names picked out?
UGHHHHHH! You CAN’T stop mid-breath, for Heaven’s sake!
Continue on…
🙂
Stefanie~It has been so long since I’ve been here to visit and I can’t believe the news I’m reading. I am absolutely touched by your account and your extreme faith. I’m also touched by your tender heart, your amazing communication with Chris, and your trust in the Lord.
Thank you for continuing to inspire me on so many levels. I can’t wait to continue with this cliff hanger.
Hugs~
Lisa
LOVE IT!!!!!!
you are a wonderful storyteller, my friend!
Congratulatons, Stephanie.
So exciting and thank you for sharing how to came to this decision. So helpful for our family too! I am so hoping to bring another baby home and we are working on making that happen.
Hugs and thank you so much!
How exciting Stefanie, please do tell more…
Hugs,
Jonni
So Cool! I look at the WACAP website often and pray for all those sweet babies. When we received Linzhi’s information they called her condition a “limb deformity” as well. Do you have a diagnosis yet?
I’m so happy for you. I keep praying God will move mountains for us to go back to China. I spoke with Karla (such a sweetie) at Lifeline and she’s going to advocate for us. Please keep your fingers crossed!! Thank you for all your encouragement! Love ya girl!
Big hugs!
Amy
Thank you so much for sharing more of the story – I'm amazed at how much your story is mirroring our own – it's almost as if you guys have peeked into the private conversations of my husband & I. I have the tug – but the Lord has assured me that the confirmation will come through my husband, at the right time. I've presented the exact same fleece to the Lord & I know He is faithful!!
We both are keeping you in prayer, for clarity and blessing & that God will move in a mighty way to bring your daughter home.
Agape love – funny, TM’s mom and I were just talking about that! You inspire me Steph – really, I know that a lot of people say that, but you really do inspire me. Maybe God put you in my path way back before we actually met in China so that I can learn from you how to trust God. You’d think that after seeing his hands all over Little T’s adoption that I would trust him completely but I see myself floundering once again. Give it to God – yes, that’s what I need to do.
Thank you.
Carla
P.S – WACAP – funny, I requested a password and received one just a month ago…
Stefanie,
This is amazing on so many levels…
Amazing that you changed the pattern of your relationship with your husband and that it worked and that it created a place and a way for this to happen. Amazing how clearly you hear God and how carefully you listen to Him. Amazing how obedient you and Chris are in doing God’s work…and amazing how you found this little girl.
we could all learn from this story and I look forward to hearing more….
Congratualtions!
This is sooo awesome!!! God is so amazing isn’t He!!!! I don’t know why so many people resist Him.
Please don’t leave us hanging much longer.
More, more!!!
🙂 Leigh
Oh Stefanie, I just love your story & can't wait to hear the rest!! You are such a gifted writer…despite your little ones who were no doubt at your feet (or no where to be seen, which is even worse sometimes!).
We are also using WACAP for our next adoption, which is paid for by them, as you mentioned that they so graciously do for some of the most precious kiddos. We are so thankful and can't wait to travel this summer.
Lori
You tell a good story. I am at the edge of my seat here. Congrats!
Oh my gosh, Stefanie! It’s as if you were speaking from MY heart as you were telling the beginning of your story. I am right there…I have this overwhelming feeling that God has plans for another child to join our family and it’s suddenly become almost an urgency. I have asked Him “why now?” as we have only been home for 10 months with our daughter from China. Of course, in His defense, I haven’t been able to quiet my mind or my mouth long enough to listen to Him lately. I’m too busy searching the internet and talking to anyone that will listen about what’s been going on in my heart and mind lately. I just told the Gang’s Momma that I just wish HE would tell me what He wants me to do, where our child is, and when we’re suppose to bring him home. I can be so impatient 🙂
Anyway, I’m rambling!! This isn’t about me but you really did hit on so many of the thoughts and feelings that I am trying to sift through right now…all the while, not really sharing the whole picture with my husband. Thank you for reminding me that he is my BFF and that I really should let him in on what’s been going on in my mind and heart lately. I told him that our homestudy agency sent me pics of some preschool/elementary age boys from China that were in need of families and that she really wanted us to take a look and consider them. He asked me if the agency lady and I had fallen and bumped our heads because we had JUST gotten home from China and he didn’t forsee us going back anytime soon…and how in the world did I intend to pay for another adoption, atleast this soon??!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU!! Once again, without even knowing, you have touched my heart and made me feel less alone in my longings for another adopted child. I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story!! Don’t keep us hanging too long now 🙂
God bless you,
Kateri
Well Stef..that is great! We are using the SAME AGENCY!!!! We are with WACAP as well. We had our homestudy started Monday and will finish it the first week of March when my DH gets home. This is exciting!!!
Kathy in Ak
Congrats, cant wait to see her little face. I would go back in a heartbeat and my husband would too if there was money! Any help with fundraising? Ideas?
What a beautiful story I am so happy for your family and for that little girl to be blessed with a family like yours.
Love this post!!!! I am so happy for you : ) I can’t wait to read the rest…{{{hug}}}
Stefanie,
I am just so happy for you and Chris. I loved reading how God spoke to you and led you to your daughter. I cannot wait to follow your journey. I am praying for you and the completion of your paperwork so you can bring your sweet girl home!!
Love,
Michelle
i didn’t squeel this time, reading it, like i did on the phone- but this time… these quiet tears just started streaming down my face with that final sentence.
oh stef. i just cannot wait for my day to come and this post brings hope to my heart 🙂