Warning: this post is intended for female readers only. Mature female readers.
So, all you young male readers should stop reading now.
Good, all clear. I’ll carry on…
November 16th had been circled on my calendar for weeks.
In preparation for the big day, I showered.
I washed my pits. Twice.
Shaved my legs.
Slathered on lotion.
And deodorant. Twice.
Where was I going?
What was the big deal and the need for a double dose of deodorant? A big date? Meeting some big wig?
It was my most-dreaded appointment. Of the medical persuasion. And I really don’t want to talk about it.
Just know it required nudity on my part. And that, lemmetellya, ain’t pretty.
For some reason, those visits never really bothered me when I was pregnant… I mean there was a baby in there. It was an exciting time.
But with an old, floppy, and very empty womb, there just isn’t much to get excited about. In fact, there’s much more to sweat about. And it all was sitting there with me on the table as I waited for the doctor to come in.
One thought occurred to me, as I waited for the dreaded knock on the exam room door. Maybe I should consider getting as gussied up for my husband as I do for my doctor.
Naaaaahhh. He wouldn’t know what do with himself.
I know what you mean about everything! LOL
Football & Fried Rice says
You are so wrong on so many levels.
Must be goin' around – cause I was commiserating with a group of gals last week…
One of the gals (who knows her doctor very well) thought it'd be a kick to write IN SHARPIE on the inside of her thighs, "Good Morning" and "Please Be Gentle". All in good fun between doctor & patient. Imagine her horror when the doctor brought in a MED STUDENT to do the exam.
That med student will never be the same 😉
Haaaa… is it sad that I knew exactly WHICH appointment you were speaking but still couldn't find the word in my brain that rhymed with tap. hahahahahaha. I eventually got it…but it took me a few seconds. Not nearly as sharp as I used to be. This third child has sent me over the edge… 🙂
that day is circled on my calendar for the 18th… I have a well thought out grooming plan that includes manicure, pedicure, WAXING, shaving and more shaving…
Geez. and still, I will go home without a shred of dignity left. I think it has to do my very white, very chubby, very flabby (albeit nicely groomed) body.
LOL, sooo true!
hahahaha you make me laugh!! I just had mine and thought the very same thing..Still chuckling..thanks Stephanie!
OMGosh…how timely for ME as I JUST GOT BACK this very moment from MY dreaded appointment…& yes, I went through they very same "ritual"! LOL!!!!
You crack me up! The saddest part…it's all true! LOL!
Too funny!!! If you got that gussied up for hubby, you may end up back there in a month or so for the more exciting reason!!! LOL!!!
Ha. This post made me laugh.
I just tell myself that he must look at 100's of them everyday, and there has to be women out there that look worse than I do! Amen?
Amy D. says
So totally funny! I have mine next week-yuck!! I remember being pregnant and so excited to go–counting the days….now it's a big chore! I also have the post 4 baby body–that makes me cringe to undress!
Yucky–but so necessary!!
Ugh! With you on that one!
I hear ya. I keep putting mine off….was supposed to have September, October….November – you get the picture!
I say that husband/boyfriend should be waiting on us hand and foot ALL DAY LONG, so they will know how much we do not like those appointments.
Mmmm…..I wonder how will men feel about those dearly-yearly-appointments? Next theme for Sunday Snapshot?
Thanks for giving me a chuckle. I have to say, that I hate the dreaded dentist chair more…and I spent an hour there yesterday…something about that drill~
sweet momma luv u says
Too funny! I hate those days…. Not fun.
Come enter my Hat and Ornament swap!
Mrs. S. says
I love your site and you are so inspirational…we have 1 adopted daughter from China, Kate, who is 6….
But…have to say this post had me laughing out loud…the girls I teach 3rd grade with think I am nuts for all I put myself through prior to the "appointment". And, like you, I ponder why I don't do the same for my sweet hubby!! Thanks for the laugh…now I have proof that others are like me!
Miss Anna B says
Oh my heavens Stef….I am still laughing. Cracks me up. I hate 'em too. ANd same, pregnant, I was all good with it. Something even exciting about it. Now…..UGH!!!! Is there anything more obnoxious?????
And Football&Fried Rice (what does that mean anyway???) I am an L&D nurse by profession…..and that story is HYSTERICAL. You just wouldn't believe what some women do!!!
Thanks for the laugh Stef. I really needed it today.
I can't believe you posted on this- that is so funny. I hate this appt. – I really don't hate anything… else… just this appt. Yes, it was much more pleasant when I had a sweet baby in my belly (and I was 20 yrs younger) and well I may have had a crush on my Dr.
Thank goodness I have a female Dr.now- about my age… well okay maybe a little younger and we always find something to laugh about (ugh, other than me!)
LAUGHING OUT LOUD OVER HERE!!!!!
I get to have that fun "date" next month!!!
Sophie Neri says
This cracks me up! When I saw your title my first thought for rhymes with tap was nap. As I kept reading I got it. I just had that dreaded appointment, and my doctor informed me I hadn't been there in two years.
I just had to comment. My dh is the gyn! The stories I could tell… He doesn't deliver babies anymore. He stopped after our triplets were born. And now with 6 kids I am so thankful that he isn't running to catch babies anymore.
I can tell you all that he doesn't think twice if your legs are shaved or if you smell extra good. However, odor isn't ever good!
And he has had a patient write on her inner thigh with a sharpie…"look here with an arrow"! He about died laughing.
Thanks for making us laugh!!
That cracked me up! When I was pregnant and in the hospital delivering I didn't care who 'checked' me! I wanted to be checked often and notified of my progress! But now, nothing.
I loved the post…so true! I laughed out loud when reading and my husband wanted to know what was so funny!!!
I find deodorant (even twice) doesn't cut it…
thanks for lightening my day!!!!
So, you can tell, it has been awhile since my pap. I am sitting here…tap, crap, sap, oh if Stefanie made maple syrup I am going to lse my mind…Jap, I hope I recorded WWII in HD last night, PAP, ugh…certainily she isn't going to write about a PAP! yep you did and you made me laugh. I will be doing the landscaping next month Dec 30…nice way to end the year don't ya think!
C'est moi says
So funny!! But thank you I had forgotten I have mine on Friday so I would have missed it again. I did once read though that most woman do get more "dolled up" for their GYN appointments than for their hubbies…weird huh!
Bahahahaha….I knew were you were going alright! I do the same thing..and then sit there with sweat flowing and getting all stinky again…and wondering how in the world ANYONE can be THAT kind of doctor to have to look THERE every day. I mean…really…how gross is that?!?!?!?!?!
Wife of the Pres. says
You crack me up! And I think The Prez is going to disown me if I crawl in bed with a pair of sweats on again tonight. 🙂 As to the appt. one time I realized as the doctor was walking in the room that I had FORGOTTEN TO SHAVE. Oh the horror. Really I was mortified. If only I got that upset when I forget and climb in bed with The Prez. 😉
And thanks for reminding me that I haven't been to the dreaded appt. in a LONG time. Better go get my calendar … and some extra deodorant.
Too funny!! Only you can make that much dreaded appointment funny!
BTW, stop over and see what I just posted. 🙂