If you’re not a Christian, this post is not for you.
If God hasn’t pricked your heart to the plight of the orphan, stop reading now.
But if you’re still with me, I’ve got something to say. And it’s not wrapped up with a bow, nice and pretty and polite.
So buckle up.
What are you doing? To make a difference in the life of an orphan?
Right now?
I believe that God uses us all uniquely for His purposes. Some He calls to care for the orphan. And this ‘orphan care’ has many faces… but the common heart is doing something, some thing, for orphans.
Sponsoring children. Knitting blankets. Volunteering. Spreading the word. Collecting pennies to donate. Praying diligently.
And while I have no idea what that looks like for you, I know it’s been nothing short of a revelation for me. We were called to adopt. No hemming. No hawing.
One day my eyes were closed and the next day they were opened. And as quickly as that, God planted that seed in my heart for orphans and no matter how much I might have wished to ‘go back’ in the years since then (not many, by the way) there simply is no going back.
I have seen.
I am responsible to act.
And if you have had that same seed planted, to love and care for the orphan, so are you.
It might not mean adoption, true. But it might. And you might be able to fool yourself by spouting off with all sorts of excuses, but you’re not fooling God. His heart is for the orphan and time and time again He has revealed Himself to be the Provider for the fatherless. In our journey and in countless other adoption journeys we have been blessed to witness His hand at work.
There is no excuse good enough to justify closing your eyes.
And pretending like the reality of 150 million orphans worldwide is not there.
And that you can’t afford to give up some time and energy to care and love one.
Or that “once x, y or z happens” then you’ll consider adoption.
Or that the $25,000 it costs to adopt is more than God can possibly provide.
I’m not buying it.
Adoption isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s downright tough. But is the God who sent His only Son as a sacrifice for you and for me not allowed to ask you to do something that might be occasionally difficult? For Him? For one of His children?
Really?
So, if your face is burning and your stomach is turning, that’s the Holy Spirit tapping you on the shoulder, again.
This post is for you.
My hubby and I are the evidence that *even* if your fingers are in your ears, your eyes are tightly closed and you are walking away from ever adopting again (we have 3 Chinese blessings) – God can STILL track you down and put the child in front of you that HE had always planned for your family.
And –
we are SO THANKFUL we turned to HIM, took our fingers out of our ears and opened our eyes to "just one more" (for the third time!).
AMEN! So many families miss out on a huge blessing because they let their fears and doubts cloud their minds/hearts. And the kids…well, they miss out even more.
Amen Sister!! Amen!!
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD who charts his course.
Learned this the hard way!
And the money is SCARY but our God is BIGGER!!
yup! Thanks….I needed this today. Getting tired.
I am debating sending this post to my hubby…the excuse king!! Thanks Steph~
So well written and stated!! We could not agree more! And we feel exactly the same way which is why we are going back again and bringing home another member of our family. WE just cannont close our eyes and pretend the need is not there 🙂
Stefanie, I have to respectfully disagree. I was once an orphan, and the best way to help orphans is to empower birth families to care for their own. Ripping a child from their cultural, racial, and national identity causes even more damage to a child already hurting. I firmly believe my God did not mean for me to be with my adoptive family, or He would have made it so without causing so much pain. I find it irresponsible to incite others to adopt who may not be emotionally, mentally, physically or financially prepared for its rigors. It takes an extraordinarily humble, strong, and open-minded person to parent an orphaned and adopted child. And I would say no PAP should adopt if they aren't well informed of adult adoptee voices. Your heart may be in the right place, but remember Thelma of unintended consequences. Framing adoption as a rescue mission is dangerous an harmful to our children. Yes I'm an adoptive parent too.
Sorry, didn't mean Thelma, meant the law of unintended consequences. Autofill got me again…
We've adopted once, and want to do it again. My husband says we have the line of credit (what we used to fund our adoption) paid down, then we can consider it again. (His timeline is NEVER in sync with mine.) I was planning on starting to pray for God to move his heart to start sooner rather than later, but I had put it off for various reasons (that don't even seem like good reasons to me!) I think this post has just prompted me to start praying now, rather than later.
Thank you for your heart for the orphan and your willingness to live the crazy life that is a big family. I hope to maybe have four children in the future, and I hope that I could even be half the mother that you are to 9!
Thank you for your beautiful post. I agree in every way. You have not asked those who are not ready to go out and adopt, but rather to help in whatever way they can.
Thank you, thank you!
Thanks for weighing in on this guys… I am always open to hearing input that might or might not agree with my opinion.
Raina, I think we'll have to agree to disagree. I think too many people are put off by the potential 'hardship' entailed with adoption and get caught up in the 'research' that may or may NOT hold true for their unique child and their unique family. Frankly, I'm tired to listening to excuses NOT to step out and do what God has called you to do.
I have no intention of addressing anyone that has not specifically felt CALLED, by God, not on a "rescue mission". I hardly think the desire to rescue a child could give anyone the endurance, patience, love and sheer courage to adopt a child. Oh no, only God can provide that. And provide it, He will. I've seen it. I've lived it. So I can, and I will, speak from experience. I agree, there is a huge need to STOP abandonments. My volunteer work at An Orphan's Wish at the clubfoot unit is specifically geared toward getting the word out in the local community that clubfoot is EASILY corrected, not something worthy of abandoning your child.
But right NOW there are thousands upon thousands of children languishing in orphanages in China and millions worldwide. I cannot turn a blind eye to the children that need homes NOW.
I totally agree, God's plan is NOT for children to be raised by adoptive parents. But this is His way of making good of the human condition: sin. We are all affected by it, the guilty as well as the innocent. Children raised by loving, adoptive parents is far superior to living in a back alley or in an old persons home at the tender age of 14.
You have a way of words, thank-you for this post!
GOD is pulling and tugging on me again, now to get GOD to tap on my hubby's heart again!…
Donna
And, I said that being 'called' doesn't always equal adoption.
I said it means doing SOME THING.
Thanks, guys. It's great to hear this post resonated with some one 🙂
I know that God put it on my heart for a reason!
I feel we are meant to adopt but it seems like walls keep being put up in front of us, and I don't know how many more I can climb with out falling. That is not an excuse it is the truth. We are not giving up but it is hard to determine what God is really calling us to do.
I don't comment often but I love to read your posts they are inspiring.
Thank you, Cora
Stephanie- I rarely ever comment but just had to tell you that I posted something similiar to this awhile back on my blog, & it was met with some disagreement as well. (some encouragement too) Do not become weary in doing good… (Gal 6)
Thank you for sharing your heart- I agree 100%. We leave tomorrow for the Christian Alliance Orphan Summit in MN and are anticipating the Lord speaking loud and clear to us about how to do SOME THING more and mobilize others to do the same.
Thank you for speaking up on behalf of the fatherless around the world.
Oh Stefanie, how I LOVE this post!!
I am so excited that God has called us to adopt! We have two from China and we are not done!
Now I will disagree that God didn't intend for me to be in the family that I was placed with when my parents chose to adopt me.
I truly believe that God put me exactly where I was meant to be. Just like He chose my children to be a part of our family!
Adoption should never be a negative idea, thought or dirty word to be used to describe exactly that…adoption!
After all, are we all not 'ADOPTED' by God? Of course we are and I am so THANKFUL that God has ADOPTED me into His family!
Thank you again Stefanie for your post. 🙂
Blessings and hugs –
Cathy
Me! Me! You are talking to me!!!
No excuse is acceptable when there are children without a loving family. We're climbing the hills to get there.
And WE. WILL. GET. THERE.
What prompted you to post this? I'm a bit amazed here. This past sunday we talked about layman and awarded our layman of the year. We had a guest speaker and he talked about his journey to God and how he came to serve God. He asked us what is our gift? What does God want to use US for. I talked to him and our pastor quickly after church and showed them both Little T and said – "Here's what I'm supposed to do." The problem? My hubby! He is blind to it right now. He doesn't want any more kids. So, I asked them to pray that God moves him, changes his heart, and opens his eyes. Everything I've seen and read the past few days have pointed me in the direction of going back to China. Then I come by here and read your post and *BAM* there it is again!!! Wow Stef….just….WOW!!
Pray for Terry that God can change his heart.
Hugs,
Carla
What a great post Stefanie! And I must say, we are proof that God does change hearts! My reluctant husband two years ago is now the proud, loving dadddy to two more daughters ( one of these we just need TA for). Where once he probably thought very little about the plight of orphans, he now prays for them. We are so thankful that we could be a part of this miracle called adoption. Love, Kim
Having adopted an older Chinese son couple yrs ago and now being a Guardian Ad Litem for children in my area who are "dependents of the courts", I have been open to the plight of so many kids here in the US (in my state over 20,000 children are in the dependency of the courts right now). Not all are adoptable but many children here in US and many of these older children need a family! It doesn't cost $25, 000 or even $5,000 to adopt a child who is in foster care or similar setting. In my state their medical and college tuition (if state college is paid for). God leads to adopt here in US as well. The parents don't always abandon the child like in China, but trust me they chose things like drugs over their child and have their parental rights taken away when they chose not to go by the plan to get their child back in their home.
There are so many foster kids needing temporary homes too! Be open to various ways you can help these children, be a volunteer GAL or CASA and devote about 3 hrs per month to one of these children.
Love this post! I remember the day my eyes where opened! Alleluia!
I know there are more little ones in God's plan for us!
I do happen to be a little tired today so thank goodness God knows the plan! He'll let me know when he's good and ready what more is in store for us!
Praise him!
Jean
Stefanie, how I love that one day our eyes may be closed but the next He can open them! That's the way it was for us, just over six years ago. Five kiddos later we haven't looked back. I get tired of hearing "We can't afford it." We didn't have 1 dime in savings, and yet God has brought five more children into our 'average' income home. When He calls us to it, He provides EVERYTHING!
Raina, thank you for your response. I don't personally know what it feels like to be seperated from my birth family. However, the term 'ripped away' from birth family and culture is not exactly what we're talking about here. These are children who have, for whatever reason, been rendered abandoned and adoptable, and there are 2 options….close our eyes and do nothing or answer God's call to love the fatherless. Certainly, displacing a child from his or her birth family was not God's plan, but fortunately He redeems our messes.
Blessings~
YOU GO GIRL!
🙂
-Nicole
Well said, my friend, well said!!!
I, too, believe God calls us to have children through adoption. And, it is definitely not a 'rescue mission'!!! It's called parenting! 🙂
Beautifully said, my friend!!
Dear Stefanie, very glad you posted this. I have had that desire to adopt since forever. I have prayed so hard for almost 6 years that it would happen–but my husband has never been on board. I quit praying for it recently because I figured God's answer was NO for us. Then I noticed something odd. The 8 year old boy that lives next door and loves to play with my 2 kids comes from a very "odd" home to put it nicely. Long story short, he is here more often than usual and I have begun thinking that this kid needs additional parenting than what he gets at home (even though I believe his mother does the best she can). So maybe that is what God was thinking about for me–and maybe He has that in mind for other people, too. So I am glad you mentioned that to help an "orphan" does not necessarily mean to adopt one, but to just accept one.
I really appreciated this post and will cut and save(if that's alright)it somewhere. After having three healthy children, I felt the call to adopt. I can't exactly say when or where that need was recognized, only that it almost became such a presence in my life that I could not ignore it any longer. I knew my husband would be like- you wanna do what??? when I asked him and we had no money and my inlaws would positively be against it but I still felt that pull. I had no idea how we would accomplish it, I just knew it had to be done. Let me just say that after only 4 months into the process we got word that my husband's job was transferring 987 miles away and we would need any of the money we'd saved so far for adoption expenses to pay for dual housing. It was crazy times I tell ya, trying to finance a move, and adoption all at the same time but God provided because He was drivin' that adoption bus the entire time and we were just along for the ride- even when we were down to $26 in the bank. When we finally sold our house in a not so friendly market we got back exactly what we needed to pay our country fee down to an extra $250. We got a referral for our daughter a week later. We didn't ask for a perfect child, our medical checklist was rather forgiving and our daughter has an issue that is unexplained at this point.We felt though since God didn't give us a choice as to the health of our bio children than we shouldn't have a choice as to the health of our adopted child. God chose her for us and we are prepared to care for her no matter what. We are asked all the time with amazement- WHY? Why when you already have three, why when you can't pay college expenses for them, or braces or whatever. My answer is always why not? She is in need of a family, I have one. She needs a home, I have one. I have room in my heart for another and probably a few more if I had my way. This was God's plan for my family and for her I'm convinced. Especially since the country she is coming from has rejected her. Despite a huge campaign over the last few years using celebrities who have adopted, only 50% of Korea's orphaned babies are adopted domestically- those being healthy girls. The boys and babies with medical issues are passed up. So when she's an adult I'm hoping she appreciates the fact that we adopted her and gave her what her country could not- a family who loves her. I mean, where would she end up otherwise?? Her Korean heritage is special to all of us in the family and will be respected and never forgotten; it is a part of us now that she will be ours.
Oh, I'm so disappointed in this post. I read this often as a single Christian woman who is very interested in the plight of the voiceless. Your very first sentence in this post is so very un-Christian. Do you mean to suggest that a Muslim could not feel strongly towards orphaned children? A Jew? A Buddhist? An Atheist? A member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? In nearly all of the religions I mentioned above, and those I neglected to mention, the core of beliefs encourage, no demands! that adherents love others and extend a helping hand to any in need. Christians are not the only people in the world who adopt, who feel a calling to donate their time, money or prayers to orphaned children, or who are pricked in the heart by a higher power.
I've considered adoption, but due to mental illness, I know it's not the path best suited for me or for a child. I also know that there are a thousand callings I feel compelled to support. Does it make me less of a Christian or human being to not devote every spare ounce of me to adoption and orphan issues? Does God only choose for us to care about one thing and ignore the others? Are callings from God, or any higher power, that are not orphan related just not as good?
I apologize for the harsh critique. This is the first time I have refused to agree to disagree by something stated on a blog. I am just so disappointed in the undertones of this particular post.
~Lisa
yep- and amen!!! i thought after adopting 2 as we had planned that we would be done– but in 4 weeks we'll meet our 3rd little one from china. and i am struggling with wanting to continue– my heart says yes, my logic says "what are you thinking?" good post– adoption is not a detour!
Stefanie,
May I post this to my blog as a "guest post"?? I'll reference yours and link to it also…
thanks!
Vicki
Dear Stefanie,
I am a single momma through adoption. I am so thankful that God called me in 2004 to pursue His gift…His miracle of adoption. I was called to China. In 2004, China would still permit singles to adopt but would only allow 8% of adoptive homes to be single parent homes. In order to start paperwork, I was put on a Waiting List. For every 12 couples that began the process, my agency (AWAA) would contact 2 singles. I applied in November 2004. I was called to start paperwork in April 2005, was logged in in October '05 and then there were major delays in China and it was not until February 2007, that I received the lifechanging phone call about my Cate.
~During the process, China decided not to accept anymore singles who took anti-depressants…but would review anyone currently Logged-in. Thankfully, they never asked question one.
~Near the end of my wait, China decided not accept anymore singles period. But thankfully, my dossier had long been logged in. But, I have grieved for the single women who could not move forward because of those decisions.
~I certainly cannot speak for every woman, single or not, I just know, beyond a doubt, that I was called to bring Catherine home. She may be my only one…and if so, what a wonderful one.
The answer to a prayer for a husband is either "still wait," or "no"…not sure. But, if God's plan is for us to remain a family of 2, then He indeed has amazing plans for us.
~Thank you for your boldness and your heart. Children, children everywhere, need. They need mommas and daddies and homes and healing. They need to know that there life is on purpose and that they matter.
~Though I would so love (ok, actually…be thrilled out of my mind) to marry an amazing, godly man and adopt more babies, His call for me may be to continue to celebrate and advocate for orphans as a single momma. And… it's an honor to do so.
~Praying with you.
Suzanne
Proud momma of Catherine Elizabeth
Born: March 1, 2006, Jiangxi, China
Unite with her Forever Family: April 2, 2007
YES!! Love it. Thanks for using your "sphere of influence" to preach it, sister! We all have some area of our life where we're just a smidge too comfy, so this call to be aware can challenge each of us, adoptive parent or not. Thanks Stefanie! ~Sarah H.
I think that we as an adoption community need to be careful. Yes, we can encourage, promote, and educate, but we shouldn't be pointing fingers at those we feel are not doing enough or judging the legitimacy of their "excuses".
I realize you're not saying that everyone should adopt, but I think along with that, we've also got to be understanding that there ARE very legitimate obstacles that shouldn't be judged by outsiders as "excuses". We have good friends who very much wanted to adopt from China. They researched, they spoke with agencies, they prayed, and they felt it was something they should do. Then the husband lost his job. They were devastated. It's not fair for me or anyone else to look at their situation and suggest that they lack faith. It's just not.
I am a Christian, but come from a very religiously diverse family. My father is an atheist and he's very attuned to the needs of the world's orphans. It's not only Christians that feel pulled to help those in need. I know your heart is in the right place, but the first line of this post sounds….well….UN-Christian.
After reading my post I want to clarify my statement that I hope my daughter appreciates that we adopted her. Wow, that sounds bad. What I meant to say is that I hope when she's an adult she will understand where our hearts and heads were when we made the decision to adopt rather than her feeling that we damaged her by taking her from her birth country and birth family. I can't quite put it in words, but it's better than what I said before!!
Stefanie,
Thank you for sharing your heart and in the process being an advocate and defender of the orphan.
You know Stef, when you speak the truth you will undoubtedly step on toes…cause the enemy of the orphan would love to take the focus off "the main thing". Don't be deterred. Speak boldly. Speak truth.
Those who choose to be offended would have been offended sooner or later…
Infact just the other day I saw on Rick Warren's twitter that he was retweeting something his wife Kay had tweeted. Rick and Kay Warren are huge advocates of the orphan, although they have not adopted. A few years back God broke their hearts for the AIDS orphans of Africa and they have since poured their lives into orphans and their care…..anyway, Kay tweeted something like this:
"Don't tell me you're a Christian if you are not doing anything with James 1:27."
Loved how stinkin' bold that was and all I could think was "Go Kay!!"
So Stef – thank you for being a voice for those who cannot personally thank you. Thank you for being bold in your conviction and thank you for sharing it with the world, when frankly friend, you could be sitting on your porch sipping tea "cause you deserve it" {LOL} You rock sweet friend and I am privileged to call you friend….and remember – we are not alone…God is stirring the hearts of people around the world to orphan and widow care….at least those hearts that are willing to be stirred…..
xo
Mom of Many – I hope you don't mean that those who disagree or are offended are enemies of the orphan. I really hope that was not your intent.
Adoption should be a wonderful thing. But it can also be a terrible thing.
If we tell our children that God meant for them to be with us, that also means that God meant for them to be away from their birth families. That means God finds your family and country more worthy than the ones our children were born into. And whatever was wrong with that birth family and birth culture, your child will feel innately is wrong with them as well. They will not tell you that, but they will feel it, I promise. We owe our children, and their birth families, more respect than that. It is precarious.
I'm sure everyone here read Tonggu Momma's post about God and Adoption. I'm more in that camp, I guess.
Wonderful post!! Your heart is always in the right place…and as for people being disappointed in your post …you gave plenty of warning not to read the post…: )
I say Bravo bravo!! And no I didn't feel by reading your post that I had to run out and adopt now..I felt like you are doing what you do so well…you are being a voice for those that cannot speak : ) you are the voice of adoption and doing what you believe in…keep on believing and never let anyone steal your thunder!!!
Stefanie,
Thanks so much! We are already paperchasing, but I still love this post!
Love this post, Stefanie! I whole-heartedly agree that not everyone on this planet is called to adopt. Those who are called to adopt but choose to ignore it, I don't know how they sleep. When God stirred my heart I could not deny that He chose me to be the mother of an orphaned child. Now we have two blessings from China and the tug is there again. If my husband would say yes I'd be on the phone with Lifeline right now to bring Olivia home! So I wait for my husband to feel the tug again…and he will.
Your life is forever changed once you walk into an orphanage and you see the children and KNOW that even though it may look somewhat like a daycare, there will be no mommy or daddy coming to take anyone home that day and it literally breaks your heart into a million tiny pieces. Forever changed when you leave with your child knowing there will probably be another child brought in from the street to take their place in the orphanage before you make it to the door of your home. The beds and cribs are rarely vacant in most orphanages.
So while I wait for my husband to feel that familiar tug again, I pray for Olivia…and the millions of other orphans on this planet…and I do my volunteer work with An Orphan's Wish and we sponsor Rylie and others…and I pray for God to stir more hearts….and I hope he's using a GREAT BIG SPOON to do that stirring!!! 🙂
To anyone who takes the time to read this comment, if you aren't doing anything to help orphans and you feel like you should be doing something, consider what you CAN do. Don't say what you CAN'T do. You can volunteer. The only cost to volunteer is your time. Volunteering usually isn't like a full time job. Just a couple of hours a month can go a long way with many organizations. You can sponsor a child. For the price of staying out of St*rbucks or McD's a few times a month you can change a child's life. Do you sew? Go here and see the faces of these beautiful children who need simple clothing that is very easy and not expensive to make.
http://www.littledressesforafrica.org Have a bake sale or yard sale and give the proceeds to a family fundraising for their adoption. Advocate for the children around the world who wait.
Do something. Not everyone is called to adopt, but we are all called to care.
Every little bit counts!
Sharon
Bravo Steph,
I am also an adult adoptee and adoptive parent. So I was given up for adoption and then I wasn't raised in a great home. Do I think that God choose that life for me? Do I believe God chooses to let their be 147million orphans ? I don't really try to wrap my human mind around God. I'm sure one day I will know all the answers, but right now I can only control my reactions. I choose not to be bitter, or angry about my start in life. I choose to be passionate about helping orphans. I choose to adopt and or advocate for children that have no hopes of staying in their home country. I choose to support orphanages, foster families and Samaritian's Purse that helps families in impoverished countries stay together. But I choose not to lash out at people that have a heart for the fatherless just because I don't like that my birthmother was probably a very undesirable human, I was surely a mistake in her eyes….but not in God's. Although mine and my children's start in life may not be that of a fairy tale, I hope they are not stuck in bitterness and anger. I hope that they have a love for their birth country. I read once, and I paraphrase, that adoption is not a wonderful thing…it's the best solution to a terrible problem. I agree with that, but it is not where I want my children to languish.. I want them to brush it off and move on,it doesn't have to define them for the rest of their days. We have a beautiful life, what's next. who can we help. who can we build up. God calls us as Christians to help the fatherless, thank you friend for reminding us.
I'm a mom of two adopted boys and although I sometimes feel that God has a plan I don't think that we were necessarily "called" to adoption. We ended there because that was how we could have a family. It sounds so brutal, so harsh, but we didn't do it to save a child or advocate. We never thought about adoption before our infertility and I think that is how it is for a lot of people.
Colleen,
To be clear, my disappointment with Stefanie on this post is not that she is speaking out about adoption. It is that she prefaced it by saying that only Christians should be reading the post. That comment made me feel sick to my stomach and has weighed heavy on my mind since I read it.
I do hope Stefanie made a mistake when she wrote that and she did not mean to say that only Christians should heed the calling to do good in the world and only Christians can learn anything by her advice.
~Lisa
Lisa – I think she might have prefaced it that way to avoid sounding like she is preaching scripture to people who don't hold scripture in authority. I thought it was more out of a sensitivity of differences . . . more like, "If this isn't your thing, this isn't for you" than out of a need to exclude. It's hard to talk about faith without alienating people. I thought she was just warning that she was gonna go there, and nonbelievers might not appreciate it.
Stephanie – I like your heart in this. I do agree with Tonggu momma too, but I don't think you are negating the idea of family preservation by encouraging people to adopt. We should all be concerned about doing both. Despite best efforts, there will still be children who have no family to raise them. Adoption can be a solution to the very real tragedy of being orphaned or abandoned.
You know I can't help but read all your posts. I am not Christian but I agree with you wholeheartedly. I don't know if I was called to adopt but that desire and inherent need to parent a child already born came from within. I could have attempted to conceive a child but why? There are so many children on this earth who NEED a family forever. If not me, then who? My calling so to speak is to make a difference on a larger scale. I know when my announcement is made you will be one of the folks who "gets it" My child was not rescued, nor was she a mission to accomplish but rather she was given a chance at life. I do not believe that anyone should suffer so that another can rejoice. The fact remains our children are caste aside and life in an orphanage is just not life that these children deserve. Raina, I am sorry you feel the way you do but respect your right to express your thoughts based on your personal experience. The harsh reality is that while we know with many international adoptees the reason for abandonment, not every birth parent wishes, chooses or even wants to parent their child. I wish my daughter could have been raised in China, in her culture but her birth family but for reasons I will never know they chose another route. Blood and birth does not equate love and lack thereof does not mean the parent/child relationship is any less meaningful or has the capacity to be. I am not very religious (Jewish) but we are all children of god and in my case, my daughter couldn't be any more more if she were birthed from my own body. I am sure as she grows she will have questions I cannot answer, be sad, be angry but I have vowed to do anything to ensure she has a positive feeling about adoption. I will do anything to demonstrate respect for the woman who carried her and despite my negative feelings of the political reasons for why she was likely abandoned in the first place, she knows now and will always know she is loved around the world. She was chosen, whether by me, my agency, CCAA, etc to be given a chance at life. My daughter, a waiting child is a joy. I suffered greatly with post adoption depression and anxiety in the days that followed her being placed in my arms. However I was committed to being her mother and giving her the best possible life. With a good therapist (I am also a Social Worker) and time the bonding/attachment became inevitable. As a single parent I work at it every day. The money didn't fall off the trees and no one was running to give a single Jewish girl a grant to adopt. Blood, sweat, tears and 3 jobs allowed me to become the mother I was so destined to become. I fully support adoption for all children who are unable to remain with their birth families for whatever reason.
I don't normally read many blogs, but someone asked my opinion of yours. I have 2 daughters from China. I read your post to one of them, to see what she thought of it, since it is inherently her story. She voiced the concern that others mentioned – do only Christians want to be parents? Why would God cause millions of babies to be abandoned just to make a bunch of Americans happy? And she knows I didn't adopt to save her, I adopted to build my family – it was my choice, not hers. I would say I was saved way more than she was, because, as she said, "I wouldn't have known the difference, would I?" I know that you intended your post to be in celebration of adoption, but what will your own children think of it when they are older? I never want my girls to be 'grateful' to me for anything other than teaching them manners, and hopefully appreciate her education. Your post did begin by specifying your intended audience, but by the very nature of it being a blog and its topics would invite other readers. Perhaps in your zeal for the subject and your kids, you didn't realize the effect it could have on other readers in your audience. ~Joan
I find it interesting that many commenters seem so sure that those who might disagree with the tone and content of this particular post are either 'un-Christian' or are somehow bitter and angry. I am neither, and am deeply concerned about some of the implications here. First, I agree entirely with Raina- whether or not we think the lives our children left was a good one, they were ripped from all that they knew. There is an incredible loss there. I don't believe for a moment that the daughter I love with every single fiber of my being was meant to be mine. I was her Plan B. That is not anger or bitterness talking (nor did I think Raina was expressing anger or bitterness). It is honesty. I DO think I was always meant to adopt, because it was, entirely, my choice, and my dream, for a long time. Is it my intention to give my child the very best I can? Absolutely, and that includes always acknowledging the complexity of her beginnings, and never simplifying it to the will of a 'loving' God. I wanted to be a mother, and my daughter is the fulfillment of that dream. I did not rescue her. Does her presence in my life, and my awareness of her beginning, give me a particular heart for helping children find loving and stable homes (whether via adoption or long term foster care)? Yes. Am I passionate about helping organizations that try to help biological parents get the help they need for their special needs children? Yes. Are there a hundred ways that parenting her has changed me? Yes. Nope, I didn't rescue her. Loving my daughter opened a whole new world for me. She is NOT in my debt. I am in hers. Because I am richer for loving her.
I am a Christian, and I think that as such, it is absolutely incumbent upon me to be an advocate for every person everywhere who is marginalized or neglected. Sometimes I think that western Christians assume that our particular faith voice is the only one – but I don't think it is. I don't believe we are called to BE the voice for the voiceless. I believe we are called to EMPOWER those 'voice-less' people to use their own voices, even though they will have differing perspectives. And as a Christian, I also believe that a great many people of other faiths or no faith at all share my passion for advocacy in a variety of ways. Does my Christian faith inform the decisions I make? Absolutely. But so does that of other people.
And one other thing – repeatedly in these comments, people have used 'fatherless' interchangeably with 'orphan.' I am a single mother, by my own choice. My daughter is, therefore, technically fatherless. But she is no longer an orphan. She is my beloved daughter…and she is loved by an enormous family (both our legal family and those we have chosen to be family to us). I find that particular vocabulary choice a bit condescending and insulting on a more personal, less global, level.
Again, no bitterness here…just a different perspective from another AP.
WOW, that's a lot of comments already – – – not sure if you've even got the time to read them all, let alone answer…
I have had a passion for orphans since my childhood. I married one, adopted one (permanent foster care – we live in NZ and adoption isn't possible for our little guy).
I've been following your blog for a couple of years now and think that what you're doing is absolutely wonderful!
The Lord has led my husband and me to do SOMETHING about the orphans – specifically in Uganda, Africa.
We are planning a first trip there this October. We are in contact with a number of wonderful ministries towards the orphans there (3.5 million!)
One particular project has gripped us – about a horrific situation.
See http://www.sixtyfeet.org
We are part of Youth With A Mission (have been for over 25 years) and are asking one of our leaders in Uganda to visit the situation to make sure it really is what it claims to be.
Then we'll start fundraising!
Anyways, the reason for me writing you is that I have had an idea about fundraising that has something to do with your T-shirts "Wild Olive".
If you've got a minute, could you please send me a short email so that I can explain to you what my idea was? My email is:
bettsfamily@watchdog.net.nz
I am so excited about our shared passions and am looking forward to possibly do something "together".
Love from New Zealand (I am German, hubby is American, our 4 bio children were all born in French Polynesia)
Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to comment, I've really got a lot to 'chew on', so to speak! I'm working on a post to hopefully clarify where I'm coming from. You still might not agree, but that's okay… these tough topics are worth discussing 🙂
It is not just our parenting skills that we are to give our children. Yes, manners, and education are wonderful. Down right important!
But the sole purpose of being a parent is to teach our children about God. As Christians we know this.
Maybe that is why we as Christians are so passionate about adoption and not only being called to bring home another orphan, but to teach the LOVE of God.
As a Christian, I am NOT offended by Stefanie's choice of words, "if you're not a Christian, this post is not for you."
Stefanie does not need to apologize for this. She loves Jesus so much, that she is willing to stand up for Him by this post!
You go girl!
Blessings –
Cathy
Stefanie, this was great. Thank you for speaking your heart. There is NO doubt in my mind that God used you over and over again to open my eyes. I am so grateful for your heart and willingness to speak the truth from your Christian perspective.
I think some things can be made more complicated than they need to be. There are children in the world who need homes. I, for whatever reason, have a nice home and everything I could ever want or need. Once I realize this I am held accountable to do something about it. Adopt. Advocate. Sponsor. But not ignore or make excuses. How can I? God's children, my brothers and sisters in Christ, are hurting. In need. I respond in whatever way I am capable because it is the right thing to do. Because it is what Jesus would do. Not to rescue. We ALL need saving. I do it for love.
I love these words of TRUTH!
I prayed for over 3 years for God to move mountains to bring our 3rd child home…. There were times when I thought it might never happen…. but He is faithful and He is moving mountains! He moved the mountain in her Daddy's heart… ( for all those Mama's out there whose husbands are not saying yes yet… keep praying!) He moved the mountain of not qualifying for another child from China…. we are now almost finished with our homestudy and searching for our daughter on the waiting child list…. we are relying on and trusting God to provide the finances to bring her home. We have already sold almost 900 or the 3,000 bracelets needed to pay for our adoption so I can see the hand of God moving….
There are so many children in the world who have been orphaned and I will bring home and call my own as many as Jesus will allow me to be their mommy…… and for those that I can't…. I pray He will allow me to minister to them in some way….
God's Speed to your families little ones…
How I thank God for the miracle of my beloved children.
Daleea
You've already gotten a lot of "Amens", but I just have to shout out one more. Thank you for sharing your convictions and living what you believe.
God Bless,
Kathie
What do you do when you feel like God is calling you to help orphans yet you don't know how? I am a 40 year old single severely disabled woman in the UK, who just knows that I am supposed to be part of helping these children, yet I can't figure out how. I am on government benefits, I don't qualify for adoption, yet there is nothing more in my heart that I want to do. Any ideas anyone?
From Miss Confused with love x
Raina- God never "meant" for innocent children to be abandoned. When sin entered our world many, many terrible things entered with it. It lead to poverty, abuse, illness and many other reasons that a birth parent might not be able to parent a child. God pre-knowing this left an answer for sin for each of us personally through Jesus Christ. He also left us through his word a way to care for those that are abandoned or orphaned. He left us James 1:27 and other scriptures calling His church to action. It wasn't a suggestion but a truth. If those who are believers hear the word then we must put it into action. God knew ahead of time that sin would leave my two children on the streets of China. He knew that He would prick my family's heart with James 1:27 and that those two children would find a loving home in our home. He meant for them to be here with us because He left a way for them. We have the choice to hear and obey or hear and walk away. Stefanie was clear that her post is for those who hear and walk away.
God nevers meant for children to be abandoned. Praise Him that He uses his church to heal their hearts!
Truth is sometimes hard to hear but it must be spoken.
i could not have said it ANY better than one of my most cherished and closest friends, Laurie. i was going to type out my feelings on this, as a Christian, but she stole the words right out of my mouth. I applaud Raina as well and am grateful for her perspective as not only an adult adoptee, but an AP as well. i am very lucky to count those 2 as friends.
Great post, Stephanie! I hate to even think about the blessing we would have missed out on if we had let our fears keep us from saying yes to God regarding adoption. Hard sometimes? Yes. Worth it? You betcha!
All I have to say is "I Love you Man!!!"….and is it wrong to want to kiss a woman????
hahahahaha……
Seriously, that was beautiful, and I am touched…and yes, my stomache WAS churning!!! 🙂
Beautifully, perfectly, wonderfully said.
This was a wonderful post to read! I saw the link on one of my travel-mates Facebook pages. Oh how I admire you and your faith! I couldn't agree more with you. There is so much more we can be doing to help all these wonderful kids
I just came home from China in December with our second blessing, and as I type this it's looking like my wish to add a third is becoming more of a reality. My hubby just asked me today what would we name our next one, and our oldest could have her own room. So maybe God is speaking his heart too.
Have a blessed day!