Mornin’ to you moms out there.
I hope your Mother’s Day was all you’d hoped for. And then some.
I have a question for you this Monday morning. And I’m not asking out of curiosity… although I am a horribly inquisitive person.
I’m asking out of desperation. I need help. I’ve gotta up my game. Like now.
What makes your house hum?
What trick or strategy do you employ that is worth it’s weight in gold?
I’m not coming to you empty handed. I’ll share if you share.
M’kay?
Okay. Here goes…
I am not sure why it took me almost 20 years of parenting to come to this one, but it’s something we’ve only recently stumbled upon at our house. And man, once we hit on it *insert heavenly chorus here* how I wish we’d been doing this since the beginning of time.
Everyone knows the value of a good schedule to keep kiddos runnin’ regular. Probably like most of y’all do, we put our littlest five down at pretty much the same time every night (which feels like mid-afternoon now that the days are getting so long. but that’s another story.) Same pre-bedtime routine, same loveys snuggled in their beds, same kisses and prayers.
But what we’ve added recently is a scheduled get up time. Note, I didn’t say wake up time, because that’s completely out of the realm of our control. Thank goodness, because I’m afraid I just couldn’t handle that kind of power. ‘Nuf said.
Sooo, after studying our kids sleep routines and recognizing how many hours of sweet slumber they needed to be at their best every day, we set their bedtime accordingly. So that their wake up time would be one we would commit to upholding every morning. A wake up time which happens to be the exact time our bigger boys are walking out the door to catch the bus.
This all came about because I just could not handle all those little people in my tiny kitchen. At least, not before 8AM. All asking for food. Most wanting to be cuddled. All tired and crabby, just like me. And when one child in particular started getting up earlier and earlier (ultimately around the time I was waking up for my quiet time) I knew something had to change. So in an effort to keep my sanity, we have the kids wake up times staggered.
If you’re wondering how I sleep at night, being such a scheduling dictator, let me alleviate your fears. My kids have a crazy amount of things ‘to do’ in their rooms. The boys have a train table. And tracks and trains ad nauseum. The girls have their dollhouse and a bookcase full of books. And stuffed animals galore. As far as ‘things to do’, they’ve got the hook up.
This set time has actually resulted in a better night’s sleep for all. They wake up later because they know the routine. And they know they’re not allowed to jump out of bed at 6AM to run downstairs and zone out in front of cartoon network. Since we’ve been on our new schedule, they typically wake up about 7:30 or 7:45. And I come up to rouse the troops about 8:00.
An added benefit is that this schedule even holds true on weekends. *insert heavenly chorus again, with gusto.*
Admittedly, it did take a few weeks to get our plan solidly in place. We did have to take them back to their beds several times. And there were moments I wasn’t sure it was going to work. But one day the sun burst forth and I realized, it was 8:00AM. And they were all happily playing in their rooms.
This is something that works for us.
What works for you?
Could I pay you to come to my house and get this going?
I consider what you've just described a MIRACLE.
It would NEVER happen here. LM gets up at 5:30-6:00 regardless of what time we put her down. We've tried it all. She gets up at that time to see her "A-E" and she KNOWS if she sleeps later, he will be gone until evening.
And then the older, well they sleep past 8 a.m. if I let them.
As for my quiet time, it has suffered I admit since LM came home. She gets up early and I admittedly stick her in front of the TV some days. I know this is not good. Truth is she doesn't even care about it or like it. It is not a good baby-sitter for her.
BTW, I'm glad to see this post. I was sort of worried about ya! Meant to email but with my morning, it has not happened!
You should have a give-a-way where us blog readers can give a donation to AOW for a chance to come and see your house run! Seriously. It always sounds to me like you have such a tight ship going and yet your children are obviously happy and healthy and well-adjusted!
Take care and HUGS!!!
We do this too! Our time is 7am. It's definitely better than 5 or 6. We even bought the kids digital clocks a few years ago to get the program going. We have been mainly sane since then 😉 Of course since our middle school child has been leaving at 7, that has mixed things up a bit, but we have been adjusting accordingly.
Here is mine…
We like to make the kids do chores, but for years I would say, "clean the bathroom." Well, their clean and MY clean are two different stories! So, last year I went through every room with them and we wrote a "list" of what cleaning each room takes. Then, I taped it inside a cabinet in that specific room. We set a main schedule in the kitchen pantry that says who does what room on that day…it seems to work quite well! We really only enforce it in the summer months because my kids are so involved in sports and with homework and a 8:00 bed time it's just too much. The only requirement for the school year is their bedrooms. School is out in 3 weeks here and I'm looking forward to it…even with 5 children! Maybe it's because my cleaning duties ease up!!!
PS-the older kids have to read the list to the littlest who is only 4, but next year she can read the list to Alexander who is waiting for us in China 🙂
yep– we do that too– though it is 7 AM until they are allowed out of their rooms..LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one more thing- is on weekdays when we don't do school (we homeschool) the kiddos can't DO ANYTHING- no playing, etc.. until 3 things have been done:
1. get dressed
2. make bed
3. brush teeth
another thing is that i hate messy rooms and clutter– the kiddos have to have a clean room before bedtime- that way the rooms never got so messy that it is too much for them to handle (mine are all under 7)
we also have scheduled breakfasts:
Wed and Sat are eggs and sausage days- a special treat- and they know not to ask for it on other days
for devotions and lead "prayerer" i put their initials on a calendar and it just rotates through- that person prayers over meals for that day and chooses the devotion (we use the big book of animal devotions- so the kiddo gets to choose the animal)
🙂 emily
wonderful idea for a post!!!!
i wish i had some wisdom but i plan to to steal all i can from here!!
i guess i do have a "tip" – i have two, soon to be 3 between the ages of 1 and 4 and so messy clothes are inevitable. i keep the stain remover in the bathroom, treat the stains when they take off their clothes at bathtime. i throw the clothes in the bathtub with them to get the stains out. i ring them out and hang them up to dry in the shower. by bathtime the next night they are dry and so i throw them in the hamper and repeat the process. that way stains don't sit for long and set!
(not very "wise" but it helps keep clothes clean!) 🙂 i feel like i just contributed to "Helo*se"
We have a set time for bed time and it seems to work out my two (4 and 2) get up at the same time each morning. Usually between 7 and 8 am.
Also, when our older ones were school aged and they would say leave the lights on or leave their yucky dirty socks all rolled up and thrown in the laundry basket, slamming doors, I would impose a monetary penalty on them. Not much say .10 to a quarter. If they didn't have the money, they had to fill out an IOU and put it in the jar.
It worked! It only took a couple of months and they quit leaving the lights on or radio on when leaving a room. The socks were pulled out so they could get clean in the washer and no more slamming doors!
We ended up doing something similar. All four of my kiddos are early risers :-/ We finally put our foot down and said "No one is allowed in our room until after 6:00am" (they come in to snuggle every morning) This has greatly helped ME as I can't fall back asleep after waking up so early. I probably should move the time to 6:30 as I try to get up and have my quiet time at 6:00 and I get interrupted a lot.
We also play "The Cleanup Game" on Saturdays. It's too long to explain here, so I'll post it on my blog tomorrow http://afamilyofsix.blogspot.com/
Very sweet! Love the idea! Linzhi Rose my only child that rises with the birds, I'm not kidding she is up before anyone in the house, we're talking 5:30-6am! I used to get up with her and start the day but since we've moved and the house functions better, she's allowed to play quietly in her room until I get up at 7. Sometimes she falls back to sleep but for the most part she plays. I'm curious to see how Madelyn moves in the AM it seems Linzhi's orphanage schedule has stayed with her, she cannot stay awake past 8PM and like I said she's up at the crack of dawn. With all your little one's your schedule sounds perfect! I'll probably steal it when the Lord fills my house too. I'm at 4 kids, so I've got some catching up to do!! LOL!
Happy Mother's day!
Amy
Each child is assigned a night of the week where they are "Jr. Chef". They help with whatever meal prep, table setting, and clean up that I need. They all know their night so it isn't a debate and I assign them a night that works out best with their scheduled activities.
This is great! I will need to borrow a few of your ideas especially for the summer months. We have a set bedtime for the three youngest and it is 8:15. The two older are in their beds at 8:30 and read until 9pm. That way they get their required reading time in for school just before bed and it helps them to 'wind down,' too. Wake up time is pretty routine because I drive my kids to school. I get the littles up about 7:15 and just strap them in the van to have my oldest to school by 7:40. Then we come home and tackle getting #2 and #3 off to school.
One thing that has helped us a lot is that if my three oldest ones do not have their beds made and lights turned off then they do not get to watch 'screens' after school. We have a standing rule: no screens until all homework is done. "Screens" are a huge motivator for my kids (unfortunately)!
Summer will bring on a whole new set of rules. I gotta start on that soon!
I love the idea of putting a list of how things are cleaned in each room. Gonna have to steal that one!
Mine kept getting up earlier and earlier, and they were big enough to recognize numbers, so I said when the first number on mommy's clock is a seven, then you can come down to the kitchen. It worked. They played nicely in their rooms until 7 and then they came down and peeped their happy little faces around the corner. Eventually, they had to be told they didn't have to appear like clockwork at seven when they had the flu. They could STAY in bed.
We have a "15 minute" warning when Daddy is on the way home. He txts or calls and I tell the girls (7,5,3,2 and waiting on a 1 year old) we have 15 minutes! Everyone goes into high gear to make the house neat and peaceful for daddy. Our daddy does NOT demand this or is even bothered by the clutter, but I know everyone feels less stressed when things are picked up. It's also a great late afternoon pick up job that makes it easier for me to get things finished when they go to bed.
The only other thing that has SAVED me is a clothing punishment for arguing about what the girls are wearing. I allow them to wear what ever they choose during the day, playtime, etc. But for church, for example, Dora PJ bottoms and a lace shirt and flip flops just isn't acceptable. So the rule is, if you argue with me about the clothing I choose for you on those days, then I get to pick your clothing (playtime included) for 2 days. Con't to argue and it increases to 4. 2 days of me choosing playclothes is enough to send my 5 and 7 year old over the edge! It's worked WONDERFULLY!
A pretty Nazi like schedule along with suggestions (not rules because you're not really supposed to break rules). You can't come out of your room until the clock says 7…..or after. Toys should stay in your room, unless you are willing to bring every single piece back to your own room yourself……unless you are really ill and want to chill out on the couch……..
Knowing when to just give up and let them control the day…..giving train rides to ponies fifty thousand times today, sure……..The floors can wait, the dusting can be done later…..their smiles and happiness is what's most important.
We also do what you do with not allowing anyone out of their room until 7am. We put a nightlite attached to a timer into an outlet in each room that is set for 7am. Once the timer/light pops on, they know it is okay to come downstairs. It was too hard for our little one at the time to figure out the digital clock and numbers so the set timer worked really well and we have just continued to use it.
Another thing I don't deal well with it shoes all over the floor in the entryway. We have a buy-back bin. Once the kids come inside, if their shoes aren't placed in their designated shoe bin in the hall closet and I see them sitting out on the floor, the shoes immediately go into the buy-back bin. In order to get the shoes out again, an extra helpful chore chosen by me has to be done to "buy" the shoes back. The first week I did this, I reminded the kids saying "Will you be picking up your shoes or will Mommy?" After a week, no reminders needed and my entryway floor isn't an obstacle course anymore.
Love this post, btw.
I love this post and reading all the tips from other moms!
One thing we do every night before bed is lay out clothes for the next day. We look up the weather forecast then plan accordingly. It saves so much time in the morning for the girls to just get up and already have their outfits chosen, down to the socks & matching hair accessory. It also saves me from having to make my 9yr. old change her clothes – let's just say she has her own fashion ideas:)
Well, my tip isn't about bedtimes, but one of my biggest problems when our children were younger is in regards to laundry. (Of course, my children are older now, but we still have this problem on occasion!) I got so tired of all of the clothes in the laundry basket wrong side out. And face it, the children were too lazy to turn them right side out. So we have a monetary fine in our house for every item wrong side out – when they were younger it was a quarter. My teens today pay one dollar per item. The money goes into a container, along with a tally sheet that records the individual violations. At the end of a designated time interval, the one with the fewest talleys gets the whole loot! I used to hand out the money every month or two, but since they have improved so much it is now about every six months or so. It's pretty fun to see the winner collect as much as $30!
Hope this helps some other frazzled laundry moms out there!
Anne
This is so great! We have a few things that have been great:
1. family binder. Each child has a tab and I file all the school paperwork, sports schedules, birthday invitations,etc under that child's name. There is also a tab for family activities (church things, invites, etc) there. It's great because everyone knows about the binder and has a reference point to look in if they need anything. And I can fling it in the car if I forget which ice rink or football field we are supposed to be at.
2. Calendar night: My husband and I have a weekly "calendaring date" where we sit down and review the week to come day by day. It helps us make sure we both know what's happening and divvy it up when there are multiple things to tackle. And many times it just helps us feel in sync, especially when he's traveling or working late.
3. No screen time during the school week. This has saved me! I can't follow the kids around tracking who is done with what and when for their screen time to start, and it has removed the distraction of rushing through homework to get to screens. It's actually been a relaxing change for all of us, even though I didn't think it would be.
4. My husband and I get up at 5 and have devotions/quiet time/coffee/connecting time together. We are both so tired at the end of the day, and by the time the kids are in bed, house picked up, activities and homework done, I'm so done I'm not bringing much energy or attention to the evening hours with him. So we decided the best place we could find margin for each other was when we were fresh at the beginning of the day, instead of at the end. We do go to bed together at the same time each night, but the nights are earlier now and not spent much in front of TV at all, so our time together feels like it is really together. We have much better prayer time in the mornings, too! He comes down and turns on coffee and I throw a load of laundry in the washer and we are on the couch at 5:05 ready to wake up together! It's been one of the greatest things we've found in 15 years of marriage! And it's free! Can't beat that.
Okay, that got a little long-winded. But those are some of my favorite tips.
I forgot something! Every night I send my husband an email that lists the weeks activities, I highlight any time I might need him to be the kid keeper for a few hours or when he needs to attend something at school. It also lists any honey-dos, things we need to talk about, any upcoming weekend events, etc. He works out of town every week so it helps him to see what we've been up to and not seem so much like we live two completely separate lives :(.
I love the $$ for wrong side out clothes!!! That is a great one!
Haha this is fantastic! I've never heard of a family that has a specified wakeup time…and I'm in a community full of big families like yours. My mom's lucky because she's only got two little ones to handle, but I know it drives her nuts when my brother wakes up at like 5. Once he gets old enough to read digital clocks, I'll have to suggest my mom use a rule like this, hehe.
Love this! What works? Hmmmm?
We have a clock in their room- they can get up anytime after 7:30. It's kinda funny though- Mom (me ) does not wake up happy or pleasant. It takes me awhile to get my smile going. ( although I start praying the moment my eyes open- it still takes me awhile) The girls have been waking up at 8:00- I'm not sure if cranky Mommy scared them away or not?? 😉
Now on the weekend- Daddy is home. he wakes up happy the minute his eyes open (how does he do that?). And he takes Sarah to Chinese school nice and early- 8:30. She is in our bed around 7:00 right next to Dad (not next to me- I wonder why?)
As far as I'm concerned if he wants to wake up all happy they may as well enjoy him- me on the other hand I need my 20-30 minutes to let the happiness sink in!
My two kids get up for school at exactly the right moment: only time for dressing, eating, teeth brushing, grabbing lunches and eventually meeting me on the front hall rug with coats on. No play time. No toys. No tv. Just get ready for school and meet mom on the rug,ready to go. Takes about 35 minutes and we're ready to go! Ages almost 4 and 9. If they had playtime, or tv time, I'd never get them out the door!
I also charged my oldest 25 cents every time she left a light on. 🙂 Doesn't happen anymore!!!! LOL
This has been a great discussion!!
Thanks for such a wonderful post. I love hearing new ideas from other mom's. =0) Well what makes us humm is our TO DO and TA DA chore chart and our Good Behavior Coins. First our To Do and Ta Da chart is awesome. It has totally stopped all the whining about"who's turn it is" to complete the tasks needed. I took a poster baord and labled it. I put each child's name above two library pockets. One envelope is labeled TO DO and TA DA.
Then I used index cards to make the "chore cards" At first I used clip art that i found on internet for each chore. I then I glued the clip art to the index cards. Now I have taken pictures of the kids completeing the tasks and used it instead. Once they learn to read I will just lable them. The only bad thing about the pictures is that you have to make a set of chore cards for each child. Then I put the chores that I want them to complete that week in the TA DA enevlope. They have to complete these chores with out me asking and then place them in the Ta Da envelope. I placed my chart in the kitchen where I can keep an eye on them. At the end of the week if they have completed thier tasks without being reminded(alot) or asked then they recevie a golden choin. Then I bought a plastic treasure chest and filled in with all kinds of things. I just buy these things at the dollar store or various places. Thier favorties so far a bubbles, coloring books and sidewalk chalk. 5 golden coins equal a trip to the treasure box. Also we use multi-colored coins that that have "i was caught being good" stamped on them. These coins can be given out at any time. They are for good behavior, being kind to each other, helping me without me asking. ect. These are exchanged for Special Days with Mommy and thody by THEMSELVES or special thing that they might want. We have a picture list of what they are worth. My daughter loves WII so 10 speical day coins equal 1 WII game rental. These are just some things help our house humm. Although due to school we are alittle bit out sorts. Cant wait for school to be over.
My kids get up at 8!
We started this with our first when he moved up to a big boy bed. We put his nightlight on a timer and he was allowed to "get up" when the nightlight went off. This has worked with all 4 of our kids.
A trip to the potty was fine and I didn't mind helping, but back to bed until the nightlight tells us when to start the day.
We have our kids stay in bed. That time in the a.m. to think, to be quiet, to arrange their thoughts is a good rhythm for anyone. 🙂
Oh I also forgot to mention that I put different chores in kids enevelope on Monday. That way they dont get bored with completing the the same chores every week.
What great ideas everyone has!! We have 5 kids and have grouped the chores into 5 categories to accomodate. The categories are: laundry, breakfast, dinner, animals, and clean-up. The children rotate between these, staying on one category for a week…so by the end of the week, they are really a pro! Laundry includes collecting all dirty clothes, sorting, washing, drying, and helping to fold and put into piles for each to put away. Breakfast and dinner include helping to fix, set the table, and clean-up. Animals is feeding and overseeing animal care for the week. Clean-up has five different jobs for each day of the week (M-clean out van after long weekend!, T-dusting all wood furniture, W-sweeping and straightening front porch, Th-bathrooms, F-trash collection day- all cans emptied and big can to curb). I have these written on index cards on the fridge with the current week on top with their name by their assignment, and we just pull the next card forward each Monday.
This has been great for us!! You would be suprised at what even the "littles" can do. Of course they need supervision, but at the same time, you are getting a break on other duties that the "bigs" are doing independently! Gives everyone a sense of accomplishment and appreciation for others work. Beyond this, they are expected to keep their room together, laundry put away, and instruments/toys/books put away after use.
We had tried for a while just giving them each an assignment, but they get tired of the same old chores, even if they are more "age appropriate". Adjust where you need to, and make it fit your family size and things that need done. Our kids are busy with sports and other activities, but we really believe it is very important that they share in the responsibilities at home and have seen such great attitudes toward everyone else in the house when they are depended on for their part each week.
I LOVE this idea! I get up really early for my quiet time and sometimes I have one kiddo join me around 5:30, which I'm just not ready for. We also have a set bedtime, and it's still light outside, but we stick to it.
The thing that really makes us hum is keeping a menu. With a family our size (and 3 teens to boot) it's hard to pretend suppertime doesn't exist. So I plan a menu 2 weeks at a time, grocery shop and change the meals to fit our schedule. We always sit down together for meals, unless there is an event we must attend, then we try to eat beforehand.
A few months ago I realized I couldn't do everything myself (nor should I) so I will randomly announce after supper "all teenagers report for kitchen duty" and they do an amazing job of cleaning up after.
The Littles help me put away the multitudes of laundry. I can have a table full of folded laundry and call for teens to report, and in minutes every single thread of clothing is put away – I love it!!!
PS, I love reading the other ideas too!
oh my word.
I really need to get on this. I am slacking! LOL!
I love so many of these ideas, but I think my favorite is the "Jr. Chef" idea. I am so tired of someone saying "I did it last night" when asked to help with dinner/setting table/etc. I am going to enlist some Jr. Chefs immediately. 🙂
I have really struggled with finding a chore chart/schedule that works. I really like Anonymous' idea of the posterboard with library pockets. I may simplify it and just ask them to take the lead. We'll see how that goes. 😉
Oh and I love the activity notebook idea. What great ideas! All of them really.
Where do you get a nightlight with a timer? I NEED some of those. :)))
We have a few too! I got the M-F hanging cubbies that go in the closet. We pull the on-line weather report sunday night and each child puts their clothes in the cubbies, including sox and undies. No arguing, no changing the items. Also, to keep the downstairs tidy, we put things on the stairs that need to go up. When anyone goes up, it doesn't matter who's stuff you are carrying, you take it up and put it on their bed. It really helps knowing I can put something on the stairs and one of the kids might take it up for me. Although i'm not getting as much exercise as I used to…. LOL
We have lots of little rules/routines/chores in place, things that work with varying degrees of success according to the age and stage and level of busy-ness on our calendar. But the one consistent thing we do that I love is our chore chart.
Each child has a column on our board. On the column lists their jobs for the week. The jobs are printed on little cards that I had laminated and pinned to the chart. They have from Monday a.m. to Saturday a.m. to complete the jobs in their column. I give grace and extensions as needed, per the individual circumstances of the kid, etc. When the particular job is complete, they flip it over to signify they are done. If they forget to do a job or forget to flip it over, that particular job carries over to next week.
The older boys have 4 or 5 jobs. The middle two have 2 jobs. The Li'l E just "heps" where ever she'll be welcome and/or tolerated.
It's taken me out of the middle of sorting out who did what and how well they did it. If a job isn't up to snuff, I can penalize that person without all the he-said, she-said.
The other thing we've instituted since the older boys came home to do cyber-schooling is that whoever is sitting down to feed themselves lunch should also feed Li'l Empress. First, I need them to start thinking of more than just their teen-boy tummies and get themselves out of their own heads. Second, and I admit, very selfishly!, it's sometimes the only time I can sit and catch up on email, bulletin work, blogs, etc. Third, it forces interactions and servanthood between them, no matter the mercurial moods of a toddler. It's actually been really sweet to see them look forward to their lunch times together.
We instituted the no getting up (or out of your room at least) until 7:00 when our oldest was about 3. I took an index card with a box the size of the hour number cut out of it and taped it to her digital clock. I then wrote a BOLD 7 above the the digital #. We taught her that until the digital # matched the written number she was not allowed to come out of her room. On crazy days where she went to bed late I might even have changed the time a bit back so the 7 didn't really appear until more like 7:15 or 7:30! Tee hee!