Wow. I am just flat tired today.
Sick kids.
MIA husband.
Not-so-niceties continuing to swirl regarding my posts last week.
But it’s good. Dialogue is good, listening to other perspectives is good, learning from others experiences is good. Especially when intended to be instructive and not destructive. And it’s essential to striving to parent our children who have been adopted as very best we can.
Please take a few minutes to head over to Tonggu Momma’s blog to read today’s post. It’s insightful and undoubtedly inspired. She and I are good buddies and I am incredibly fond of her. But beyond thinking she’s a crazy cool friend, she’s a very gifted writer and a diligent and devoted adoptive mama.
And she’s done a brilliant job of sharing what’s on her heart.
If you’re an adoptive parent, or a potential adoptive parent, this is definitively worth your time.
Thanks for sharing that link! I have actually been struggling for the last two weeks…feeling that my family is complete (with three kids, some of them adopted) but also feeling compelled to attend a Focus on the Family adoption seminar this weekend. I know if I attend, we WILL adopt again. But I'm not sure we can handle another adoption.
Think I'll be staying home on Saturday afternoon…
Teresa =)
I second that!! It truly is an inspired, BRILLIANT post, and, in my opinion, a must-read for all parents!!
Stef, I hope you can tune out the negative and feel peace. Your posts from last week were honest and provoking. There's nothing wrong with reaching out to Christians. You are Christian! You believe in Christ! You believe he's really, truly, the Savior. So do I. And I believe it's THE truth, and not just "my truth." I think it's hard for those who don't believe Christ to understand that point of distinction.
Anyway, chin up. You're doing great work here.
Stefanie– I enjoy reading your blog! I'm sorry to hear that some comments have been less encouraging. I enjoy your thoughts…
🙂
Lorisa in CO
mom to 6, 3 from China
Read it with tears…the video especially got to me.
I hate that you are feeling a down regarding any negativity that surrounded your posts. I feel as though God is using you so greatly to be a voice for His Kingdom and therefore the enemy will be sure to try and destroy that if he can. I can't say enough about how you have encouraged me through your blog from before our first adoption, 3 years ago. I just want to add one more thing with regard to the all of the posts about adoption that have been linked to – it is so hurtful to me that people think because your are a Christian that means you don't make mistakes. Whether it be with your adoptive children or maybe saying things that sound "un-Christian." Exactly what is "un-Christian?" Just because a person is saved by faith through through His grace doesn't mean you have it all together…just sayin.
"Dialogue is good, listening to other perspectives is good, learning from others experiences is good. Especially when intended to be instructive and not destructive".
YES. could not agree more. though we all fail at times in trying to live up to our ideals (in my case, striving to live as Christ in this world, or in the words of St. Francis: preach the gospel, when necessary, use words). I know you get that.
TM's post was by far the best I've read in a very long time. She is one very wise woman (funny that we both linked her).
TM's post was one of the best I have read on that topic in a long time, possibly ever. And that video she posted is a 'must view'…it's long, but worth the watch. I winced at the comments below the video on YouTube, but it's enough to get you to watch and see why some form such opinions. People NEED to do their homework when choosing and agency and a country to adopt from. They need to be sure they are being led by God and not of themselves. Yet, Christians make mistakes, too…and when they do, it seems to be amplified and blown up like none other. It's just important that we own up to our mistakes and continue to seek God for growth and guidance.
I'm sorry to hear of the negative feedback you received. It upsets me to hear what both you and Kim have delt with over the last week. You're right…it was dialogue to listen to other perspectives and learn from their experiences. I KNOW you mean everything you say on here only for the good, to be helpful and instructive, NOT destructive! You have an amazing and loving heart Stefanie, and anyone that thinks otherwise doesn't really know you!
Blessings and Hugs,
~ Tanya
I am humbled, Stefanie. And I cannot tell you how much I adore your heart.
Stefanie. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. YOU have been given the gift of communication and critical thinking and don't let anyone steal that from you. You are an amazing mother who always puts her kids high up on her list!!! And her husband. But most importantly her Savior.
So sorry you are having a rough time with people's views of _your_ thoughts and opinions on _your_ blog. You should not have to apologize. You are amazing. And inspiring. And gifted in many ways.
And that post by Tonggu Momma is fantastic! Great writer, and extremely insightful. That's one to certainly refer back to again and again.
Hope your Tuesday is better!
All the best,
Nicole A. (still in OH for now …)
I'm sorry about the negative comments {{{}}}I truly don't get it. Just hold your head up high and keep doing what your doing…no one is forced to read anything. This is your blog and I love that you touch on so many different things. : )
Excellent article!! Quite possibly her personal best, and that is saying A LOT, considering she is such a gifted writer and thinker.
Stef, I frequent your blog and I missed last weeks post but would like to comment on it now.
YOU GO GIRL!! Your 100% right on. Being Christian means putting your faith in action. We are commanded to care for the widow, orphan, oppressed yet not enough is being done. Being a Christian doesn't mean living a comfortable life, it means stepping out of your comfort zone, taking on anothers burdens, as difficult as that may be. Our pastor always says "if your faith hasn't changed you it hasn't saved you."
Blessings
Stef – sad that you are getting grief from 'buckle up' – but that was promised to us in Scripture too….shake the dust off your sandles and walk away.
Caught TM's post yesterday – she is truely Inspired!
Hope that everyone feel better soon – that really does suck – and as the DH who has to be mia from time to time – it really does suck for us too!
hugs – aus and co.
Humph. I guess those negative ninnies don't know who you are. Or how amazing you are. Or that I have deemed you my super bloggy crush. What do they know?!
And um . . . by the way, would you mind sharing that super bloggy crush pedestal, I mean stool, with TM? She knocked it out of the park with this latest post and I didn't think you'd mind sharing . . . 🙂 🙂 🙂
Mwah. Hang in there. We're all sniffling and snorting here too… I'll pray for you while I'm wiping noses today!
I have tried not to say anything about this, but I feel I have to. I am a Christian and I wholeheartedly disagree that just because I don't agree with some previous posts, it's because Christ is not in my heart. Saying that, in my opinion, is a weak argument…it's the easy come back, because it requires no thought. Calling anyone who doesn't agree with you the "enemy" is both weak and hurtful. Christ may have called many to adopt, but He certainly does not ask that you go into any of His callings unprepared. The "no excuses, hurry up and save an orphan" post was dangerous. Even if God puts the desire in your heart, you need to prepare…for the sake of the child and the rest of your family. Jumping up and "just doing it" can be very damaging to your children. God has called me to me to do many things, but those things required research, a college education, and prayer. Examples of those types of "callings" are everywhere. What's my excuse to not be adopting today? God is still getting me ready. And that was the point of the original comment that started all this.
Stefanie,
The truth hurts those who do not want to accept it or believe it. This is one reason the Pharisees and Saducees hated Jesus. Someone here quoted John 3:17 that Jesus did not come into this world to condemn it, but the next verse I have copied below which is John 3:18.
We are instructed to "speak the truth"..speaking is by talking or writing. We are to "speak the truth in love" I think you have done this here , but again, the truth hurts and makes some uncomfortable. You have spoken truth from the Holy Bible, not from your own opinions. Judging is when someone states their opinions, it is not speaking truth.
"Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." (John 3:18)
I just wanted to comment that I have seen more than a few comments since the original "buckle up" post where people are mistakenly referring to "the enemy" and "the enemy of the orphan" as someone who is not adopting or helping orphans. The term "enemy" is being used as a reference to Satan, who wants to undermine anything that is being done in the name of Our Savior.
Not to keeping dragging this on and on, but I keep seeing people being offended by the term. I don't think anyone here is saying that someone is an enemy because they don't agree with with the opinions of others.
This on going dialogue has been emotionally draining to two great people and their audiences. – Life is a gift and it is VERY SHORT. Can we all agree today, at THIS VERY MOMENT, to start anew and to begin lifting each other up as we all navigate our way through life and parenthood?? NOW is the time to dust ourselves off, take a deep breath and move forward. Dialogue can be a good thing when something constructive comes from it.
It's a beautiful day, let's make the most of it!
I am really sorry to hear you are still getting flack from your posts! THANK YOU for standing firm!!! And being brave in the face of it. You are an inspiration.
I think there are alot of people who would be surprised by how "unchristian" Jesus would be if He were here right now!!!! Sheri
Wow…I read it with great interest and found it to be amazing!
You are right…it should be published and made available…
Good stuff…sorry you are getting some smack! YOUR BLOG…so say it like you see it girl!
The Gospel is an equal opportunity offender. The Gospel is meant to offend those who are religious most of all.
I'm sorry this message was potentially lost on those it was meant to speak to. Stef, I know you didn't mean to polarize your audience, you were trying to speak truth to "Christ-followers" who might prize other things more than Jesus — and still claim Jesus as Lord.
Stef, thanks for trying to call Christians into mission. We (who claim Christ) cannot change, serve, love apart from God's conviction of our idolatry, repentance and faith. Thank you for a mirror held up in love! I know you want to see "on Earth as it is in Heaven" for orphans and widows.
I considered not to post a comment here. I know now that by and large, those with different opinions than the majority of your readers are unwelcome here, not by blog owner design, but based on the reactions of the majority of your readers. However, I am going to post, one more time, to make an observation.
There has been MUCH on this blog this last week that I have found deeply and personally offensive. I was not offended by the original ‘Buckle Up’ posts, except with regard to consistently referring to orphans as fatherless, as if those are interchangeable terms. I disagree with a significant portion of both Buckle Up posts, and have concerns about the application of those views and their potential impacts on children. I disagree with some of the statements about faith, and the nature of God. But I was NOT insulted by the posts. I appreciate diversity of thought.
Where I did become offended is in the comments:
“Maybe this is why WE AS CHRISTIANS” (emphasis mine)
“We are not to judge on our believes (sic) but on HIS truths.”
“I am just sayin.. Hope you read and study and try to prove Jesus wrong.”
“It’s silly to be offended by your post.”
“I wasn’t offended at all, but then, I’m a Christ-follower.”
“So many are truly lost while they are clinging to the word Christian”
"Once again, I have noticed that non-Christians are the one getting their knickers in a bunch."
I guess I just 'missed' any controversy….unless of course….the 'issues' were being felt by those who were 'resisting the call'. Sometimes that 'causes' a lot of uneasyness in folks!
The bible says that what we say will sound like gibberish to unsaved ears.
It isn't really a debate so much as those dealing with that conviction.
Some people go through life looking for offense and conflict.
Humph. I guess those negative ninnies don't know who you are.
Every one of those is a quote from a comment – directed at those who have a different viewpoint. There are ways to disagree and to be civil. Calling into question whether someone has valid religious beliefs is not among them.
So Stefanie, I say this with no ill will…I am sorry you have been hurt and stressed by the dialogue, as I believe your intent is good. But I would have hoped that if the real purpose of this blog is to encourage open dialogue about tough subjects with the ultimate goal of equipping adoptive parents to better parent their children, that you might have stepped in to request that at the very least your commenters be civil in their commentary. None of the above comments meet that criteria.
I hadn't read your blog in about a month and apparently I missed a big controversy and a lot of dialogue. I personally have been struggling to understand this whole new blogging world. Some days, I have been seeking inspiration, only to feel very alone or even preached at. But I have found your blog to be very sweet and beautiful. I went back and read your original post to try and understand all the controversy. One thing I have been pondering is that in the adoption world there are so many different combinations of callings that God has placed upon hearts. I do agree that we are called to adopt. I have read a lot of posts from different people that are well meaning and will definitely inspire more people than discourage. But one thing I haven't seen discussed is our husband's role in responding to this call. I can be overly sensitive, but there have been days when I felt guilty or judged (not from your blog) because we haven't adopted special needs or older children. But if our hearts are aching to do this and our husbands are unwilling, even repulsed by the idea, how does it help our other children to pine over something we can not have right now. I personally am willing to let it go if it is not God's will. God is big enough to change any heart through prayer. But it is unhealthy for me and my family to have guilt or try to manipulate my husband. I have felt jealous of the woman who get to adopt again and again. God would not have this for me. So I am trying to work through these feelings and find my complete acceptance in Him who will supply all my needs. Thanks for listening. I think you are very beautiful and blessed.