Ever have something to say, but don’t really want to say it?
It happens to me a lot, believe it or not.
“Why?” you might be thinking, “You say ridiculous, embarassing stuff all the time!”
And you’d be right.
But some stuff even I consider, well… sorta personal.
And when you have no idea who the majority of your audience is, that can be a little intimidating.
Even more intimidating is knowing exactly who some of your audience is.
Anyway, all that intro is just space to get me revved up to get to the point. I do believe I’m procrastinating.
Mom, please stop reading.
I found this wonderful post about… you-know-what (what can I say, I’m a ridiculously modest person) and it’s really, really good. “Grace-Driven” is how it’s described. And I think it’s a must-read and must-apply for all married couples.
This is one of my favorite parts of the post:
Make your wife your standard of beauty. There is almost nothing more shaming to a wife than to feel as though her husband’s vision is captivated by someone else, even if it’s just a pretty stranger who happens to pass by. Over time, as couples become more and more familiar with each other, and bodies change, etc., a wife’s fear of losing her husband’s eye typically grows. Husbands, make it your firm commitment — a covenant with your eyes — that you will not measure your wife against anybody else, real or imaginary.
My husband made a covenant with his eyes several years ago. God has always blessed our relationship, but after Chris committed to honoring me with his eyes, our relationship really, really improved. I’m not an especially insecure person, at least that’s what I tell myself. But I don’t think there is a woman out there who wants her man ogling anyone other than her.
When it comes to real intimacy, both husband and wife have to be consistently diligent to honor the other in every way. And not allow the outside world to get in there and mess it up. And that ain’t easy.
Read about grace-driven you-know-what here. And if you’re bold enough to share about your own experiences with ways to improve marital intimacy, go for it 🙂
WOW! Love that quote. Cannot wait to read more on this private yet critical topic for our marriages.
As always, thanks Stefanie.
Thanks Kim! And thanks for being the first to pipe up… it is a critical topic, one we all to often ignore 😉
Let me know what you think of the article I linked!
Great topic, I've heard some conversation about this on our local Christian radio station awhile back. I'm so glad you brought it up, but I have to save reading the article when the kiddos are in bed so i can get some uniterrupted time! – and don't worry , you handled this topic with grace:)
Uninterrupted time? What is this you speak of?!?
Thanks, Stephanie! Hope you enjoy the links 🙂
Coleman's A to Z says
You crack me up! 🙂 I'll pop over to the article now.
I struggle with this scripture, OFTEN! (1 Corinthians) In a society where we have taught our daughters or have tried to convince ourselves to say "No" before you are married or that we as women are in control of our own bodies, I struggle with living this verse. Unfortunately it can be misused by either spouse, whether my body belongs to my husband, or that I am saying "No". But, I don't think we've ever practiced the part of the verse that talks about "praying"…."zzzzzzzzz"….probably asleep before my husband rolls back over to his side of the bed. sigh!
When we got married, we had a queen size bed and even though WE were MUCH smaller is size, you could find us in the middle, together. Not so much anymore in the King size bed.
I definitely agree with the mention of the book about it beginning in the kitchen! My husband's love language is very much physical touch and after almost 11 years of marriage, I would have to say that my love language is acts of service. But I don't think my husband wants to agree with that. But it would allow a more agreeable response to my husband's love language or needs.
And, by-the-way, just WHAT DO you do with lingerie that is eh-hem, MANY sizes tooooo small? I definitely would not be able to sell it at our adoption fundraiser garage sales, but yet, don't think I could donate it to charity, or worse yet, give it to a friend who has been able to KEEP her shape over the years…it's-just-not-right! Unfortunately, I bought a pair of pjs not too long ago…later found out my mom had bought the same pair!
On ways to improve…? I have no ideas!
wow– definitely needed to read that– very convicting for me- as right now, with 5 kids under the age of 8- that part of me is dormant– it needed a wake up call!
Such an important topic – thank you for sharing with what we French call "délicatesse"…. My marriage faltered when my (then) husband fell in love with someone else when our daughter was a baby. It fell apart by the time she was 2, and I've always thought that someone should TELL married couples how to work on their intimacy through pregnancy and childbirth and having a tiny baby who doesn't sleep! Merci!
what I want to know is HOW to find the time for "the time"…with kindergartener thru senior and keeping up with it all…our nights are busy til all the peeps are home and safe. I really want to have the energy and time. How in the world do you do it with 9 kids?
Sometimes it takes an effort… a really monumental effort! But once you make it a priority, most of the time it really just fall into place 🙂
ok, feelin' a little embarrassed about puttin' it all out there!
Oh Stacy, don't feel embarrassed! You're just sharing what many of us experience… MANY. I've struggled for a long time with the Biblical view of marriage, but when put into the proper perspective and pursued equally by both spouses in an effort to honor God and their commitment to their marriage, it's a good thing 🙂
Thank you for sharing your heart!
P.S. Just get rid of anything (lingerie included!) that's too small for you… too depressing 😉
Thanks for this Stefanie. Only you can pull a post like this off in an adorable way. 😉 I do believe that focusing on one another's love language is one of the most important things here. When we are concerned about loving our spouse all the time it makes it more natural to carry over into the bedroom. Also, like the article said, taking care of how we present ourselves on a daily basis. Of course I do this for my husband but more importantly I do it for me. And he gets the benefits. 🙂 When I am feeling put together I just feel more desirable which then makes me want to act upon it. Anyhow, I don't feel like this is THE most important part of marriage but it is a HUGE part of marriage. It helps keep it all in balance for us.
Thank you, Stefanie, this was great!
The SIlburns says
Mark Driscoll, of Mars Hill Church-SEATTLE (not Michigan) has a wonderful sermon series on the Song of Solomon (you can hear it on podcast online) and it echoes much of what is written in this article, and in great depth. Very practically equipping. It would be a great companion to this article if anyone wanted to learn more about this topic. (I think it is okay to give a plug for that here??? I hope so. Sorry, if not! I'm still figuring out all the blog-land rules).
And without saying too much, nighttime isn't the only time. Finding margin in a creative place in your day to day life (like either early morning, or kids naptimes on weekends) is good.
My husband also made a covenant with his eyes 8 years ago, Stefanie. And I have to say that I feel much the same way that you wrote about. It was transformative for us in a way I didn't even know we needed beforehand.
The Lord is faithful to grow a marriage in trust and intimacy when we seek to love each other like Him and in His name. That can mean choosing to do the right thing or feel the right way and letting our emotions catch up to that as God changes our hearts (for things like intimacy when we are tired, serving our husbands by encouraging them when we are wiped out from a day of encouraging littles, etc).
Thanks for a great post. I'm glad you worked up your courage and wrote it! I bet your mother is proud to have raised a daughter who takes her role as a wife and helpmate so seriously.
At the risk of teasing you a bit (and why would I stop now!) you DO know that guys read your blog – right? 😉
Great little bunch of thoughts on your link – and something that Marie and I learned a long time ago (we're chasing 27 years in just a couple weeks!).
Guys – read the three practical suggestions for us – and if you aren't doing them – do! I'd wax on here – but your mom reads the blog too! 😉
hugs – good stuff –
aus and co.
Guys? I think you mean 'a guy'… and that would be YOU 🙂 I am so glad you stop by regularly… it would be so unbalanced without you!! 😉
And big congratulations on 27 years!! That's awesome! And you probably have some WONDERFUL advice to share 🙂