• Home
  • About
  • Wild Olive Tees
  • No Hands But Ours
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • RSS

Ni Hao Y'all

when east meets south

  • Ni Hao Y'all
  • Faith
    • my faith
  • adoption
    • special needs adoption
      • clubfoot
      • Down syndrome
      • dwarfism
    • shared list
    • advocating
  • family
    • Magnolia
    • Clementine
    • Tallula
    • Poppy
    • Esther
    • Vivienne
    • Shepherd
    • Jude
    • Isabelle
    • Sophie
    • Dalton
    • Asher
    • Zach
    • Victoria
  • Life
    • memory lane
    • what works for us
    • things I love
    • Q and A
    • marriage
    • cooking
    • celebrations
    • blogging
      • love others
      • kudos
  • photography
    • photography 101
    • Sunday Snapshot

make mine a double

This is neither appropriate nor even remotely polite to post here.

But I want to share it, nonetheless.

Because this? Is my life.

I am not a drinker. Maybe, with my girlfriends, or with my husband on a special occasion, I might have a beer. But on this occasion, on this day, make mine a double. Please.

You see, I just came up from one of the most horrific duties of parenting an internationally adopted child.

Can you guess?

Have you been there?

I had to collect the poop sample.

Actually, the collecting wasn’t so bad, now that this particular (and unnamed) child is potty trained.

1. Insert “hat” into toilet.
2. Bribe child.
3. Wait.

It was what had to happen after that. The #s 4-10 that were so bad. So awful. So ridiculously yucky, I repeated to myself. Over and over again.

If you’ve ever had to collect and then deposit such a sample into four insanely small containers, all half-filled with an unknown liquid, while trying to cover your mouth and nose with your shirt, with rubber covered hands, while trying to deftly manage a wooden tongue depressor carrying said ‘sample’, you know of which I speak.

If you’ve been there, then you and I? We are bonded. We are sisters.

But if you’ve never had to collect and deposit such a sample, I ask that you stop right now and count your lucky stars. And start preparing for the day you might have such duties thrust upon you.

Now that it’s over, and all samples are snugly and securely placed into their many, many layers of ziploc baggy, and I have showered and perfumed and thoroughly de-‘sampled’ myself, I am relieved, if not completely joyful that this job is over. But I just can’t seem to manage to go on with my day.

My head is buzzing with memories.

And a double, I imagine, would be just the ticket for some sweet relief.

But, like I said, I’m not really a drinker. So I’ll have to find the next best thing.

Except M&M’s aren’t sounding so good to me.

For some strange reason.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • More
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
«
»

08.26.10 · adoption, real life 65

Comments

  1. Beach Mama says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:27 PM

    We are sisters! Make mine a double shot espresso, mochaccino!

    Reply
  2. Joy says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:30 PM

    I had to do this twice when we brought Taylor home last December.

    Reply
  3. Karen Firstbrook says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:38 PM

    Been there, done that.
    Stink for you . . . both literally and figuratively! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    -Karen
    Firstbrook Five

    Reply
  4. Barbie says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    Been there, done that. Yippee for us. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  5. Kristi says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    Oh, I'm with you on that one sister! Ugh and double ugh!

    Reply
  6. Maggie S says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:54 PM

    Yeah, well I am not out of the woods yet on the potential to have to administer an enema on somebody, so… not laughing and not sorry for you yet.

    Signed,
    Sick to death of talking about POOP

    Reply
  7. Laurie says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    Yep, we're sisters. I've been there twice and found it pretty nasty both times. It just confirmed that I'm really not suited for any job in the medical field. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  8. Emily says

    August 26, 2010 at 7:59 PM

    hey sister- done it– only 6 weeks ago… and it was TEN bottles- the gag factor was in full gear and yes, i had at least 1 wine cooler after that awful morning…

    Reply
  9. Elizabeth Koproski says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:00 PM

    oh girl, i know the poop pain. and i'm with 'ya… why oh why do they have to make those viles so small. gross. good job being a great mom.

    Reply
  10. Serving the King says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:08 PM

    Oh my goodness that was hysterical!! They don't tell you that when sign up to adopt. Mmmm, guess I'll have that to look forward to. Hope the boys don't poop at the same time…oh dear.

    Reply
  11. Shirlee McCoy says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:10 PM

    hahahahahahaha!

    I shouldn't laugh at your expense, but, really, thanks for the chuckle!

    Reply
  12. Lori says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:11 PM

    Oh, I can SO RELATE. We can put a man on the moon but we can't find an easier way to make "collections". It's ridiculous.

    And listen, my darling daughter has been home almost a year and I still have not approached her about this. The "hat" is still stashed away somewhere in my bathroom. I'm in denial. Completely.

    I think a double is highly appropriate. At least for this one occasion.

    Botttoms up.

    Reply
  13. Desiree' says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:16 PM

    Yep, been there done that, seven times…heading there again…I don't drink either, but I will make an exception with this the eighth time coming up, you know? Cuz, you can only take so much…

    Reply
  14. Amy Murphy says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:27 PM

    Oh, my word! I sooo hated that, and I tried to convince the nurse that I just couldn't do it, but she seemed to have no simpathy and simply handed me the vials. It's even worse than having to take a cat's stool sample to the vet; w/ them, you just scoop, bag, and be done with it. I soooo am feeling your pain!

    Reply
  15. groovy mama says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:37 PM

    BTDT…he-he! The Joys of motherhood!

    Reply
  16. Tami and Bobby Sisemore Family says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:46 PM

    been there done that with my first adoptee. They have not had us do it with the 2nd

    Reply
  17. Cora says

    August 26, 2010 at 8:55 PM

    Oh goodness, such joys to look forward too. I can't wait ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  18. Martha B. says

    August 26, 2010 at 9:07 PM

    Yikes! Maybe you need a big ole piece of key lime pie instead of anything "chocolate"! LOL

    Reply
  19. Nancy says

    August 26, 2010 at 9:23 PM

    We had to do this for both babes at the same time for 10 days in a row… that's 20xin 10 days!!!! And then I had to store all the "stuff" till we turned it in! And you can't really put it in the fridge cause that's just WRONG! The sight of a tongue depressor will never be the same. .
    You rock girlfriend! You can do ANYTHING now!

    Reply
  20. China Dreams says

    August 26, 2010 at 9:32 PM

    Been there and done that. Hardest part is convincing the kid that you worked so hard to potty train that it's now okay to poop into something else besides the potty!

    Reply
  21. Virginia says

    August 26, 2010 at 9:37 PM

    I'm so sorry for you. BTDT Sister. They made me collect 3 consecutive samples. Still a bit traumatized over the whole thing one year later.

    Reply
  22. Judi says

    August 26, 2010 at 9:42 PM

    Yeah, been there and done that! LOL!

    Reply
  23. Adrian Roberta says

    August 26, 2010 at 9:55 PM

    Oh My, I totally just finished doing that myself! Ugh! I comfort myself with chocolate myself! lol

    Reply
  24. Jacqueline says

    August 26, 2010 at 10:02 PM

    The worst part was the stirring!!! Ack!!!!! It was just awful! I about choked when I read that part of the instructions. Stir??!!

    Reply
  25. Stacy says

    August 26, 2010 at 10:07 PM

    Big shout out to ya sista! Been.there.done.that. Once for me and then for Jackson. My oldest 2 are able to remember my own experience and when blood tests are involved for them and they start to fret, I have only one question for them…would you rather do this or the POO-POO TEST????? They sit rather still for the blood to be drawn!!!

    Reply
  26. cori b says

    August 26, 2010 at 10:13 PM

    Oh sister, could I tell you a story about collecting a stool sample. If one of your other kids did not go into the bathroom and retrieve said sample before you could then you have not even begun to experience the horrors of this wonderful job. And just one question, why is this always a mothers job?

    Reply
  27. clearness says

    August 26, 2010 at 10:16 PM

    I need another post of why you had to collect a stool sample.

    I've yet to need to collect a sample from the kids, but I did have to collect a yearly sample from the dogs…we had them for about 10+ years. Ewwoohh

    Reply
  28. Lost and Found says

    August 26, 2010 at 10:33 PM

    Been there, done that and had to put in the fridge until we were ready to leave for the doctor. May I saw EWWWWWWWWWW

    Reply
  29. Chasing Dreams Photography says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:25 AM

    yuck!!!! Yes I have been there a few times…and yes it is icky!!!!! Just plain gross!!!!!

    {{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}

    Reply
  30. mbcfree says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:36 AM

    I made my hubby do one and I just listened to the gags from the other room. It's a bad deal.

    Reply
  31. Dardi says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:37 AM

    Ohhh, this just caused me some post-traumatic stress. We had to do 2 with our little guy from Africa…I will spare the details, but I think I may top a few stories, & you may seriously consider a drink if I did go into detail! I do believe I indulged myself in several bad words to get me through it. Not a good thing, but it kept me from drinkin'! ;o) Oh, & I also informed my husband that on that day, I deserved some sort of combat pay!

    Reply
  32. bbmomof2boys says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:41 AM

    ewwwww…m&m's….yeah – I wouldn't go there either!

    Hugs,
    Carla

    Reply
  33. Holly says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:59 AM

    Done it and almost lost my lunch. My hubby would NOT help. I had less than stellar words for him. I had to do it for me too…later…as I was so sick and kept losing weight and they thought I might have gotten a parasite in China. I didn't. But NOBODY should EVER have to scoop poop and stir it into a test tube with whatever the heck that crap is (pun intendend). UGH. I think I cried when I did mine!
    okay, I cried a lot back then! ๐Ÿ™‚ And to add insult to injury…you have to label what FORM the poop was in before you squished it into the tube…as in the consistency of the freaking poop. I know, I know. I feel your pain girl.
    I think beer is horrid but maybe a pint of icecream??

    Reply
  34. Football and Fried Rice says

    August 27, 2010 at 1:20 AM

    I don't drink either – but even after just READING this, *I* need one ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  35. Annie says

    August 27, 2010 at 2:01 AM

    Hahahaha!!! BTDT! I used a chip bag clip to clamp my nose shut and I had to do 2 kids at once!! Ye Haw! The kids thought it was funny though, especially when I acted like I was being pulled into the bathroom by the giant poop monster!!! LOL!

    Reply
  36. Jenny says

    August 27, 2010 at 2:06 AM

    Hello Sister. OH my word. One of ours had salmonella once. OH I really really really think you need a double. : )

    Reply
  37. Julie says

    August 27, 2010 at 2:14 AM

    Hey sistah! I'm really good at plugging my nose. Thankfully.

    Reply
  38. Paige says

    August 27, 2010 at 2:20 AM

    BTDT…we're doing it right now with DD. Best of luck!!!

    Reply
  39. mom2three says

    August 27, 2010 at 2:24 AM

    Oh goodness all the smells and memories just came flooding back..BARF!!!

    Reply
  40. Lori says

    August 27, 2010 at 2:38 AM

    Since M&M's don't sound so good, how about a Baby Ruth?

    Just had to go there, but YOU went there first!

    Reply
  41. Patricia/NYC says

    August 27, 2010 at 2:58 AM

    Oh yeah…we've bonded, sistah-friend…also been there done that…yuck…so.not.fun.

    Now go get a tin of camphor & inhale!!

    Reply
  42. Jean says

    August 27, 2010 at 3:39 AM

    The title brought me over- I just had to check out the post!

    I had the hat, took one look at our daughter and decided right then and there… she was fine!

    Now that you mention it- I think I did this with our birth children about 23 years ago. We had a little bug that joined our family! ewwww!
    Just in case you are wondering – I did not get it!! I was quite pleased that my hand washing techniques where above average!!

    Reply
  43. Carla says

    August 27, 2010 at 4:48 AM

    ugh…been there too many times to count! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  44. M3 says

    August 27, 2010 at 6:12 AM

    Hi sister! ๐Ÿ™‚
    My favorite part about it (can you believe I even have a favorite part?) was the one time I dropped off samples at the lab for our horribly GI-challenged babes and the technician (who was a new one I'd never seen before) said, oh is this sample number one or two? And I said "Well actually I just asked my husband that very question and he counted how many times we've been here and these are samples number 16 and 17." The lady nearly fell off her chair.

    Reply
  45. a Tonggu Momma says

    August 27, 2010 at 8:54 AM

    So… I'm guessing brownies don't sound good right about now either, do they? (Kidding, I'm kidding. Been there, done that, need a latte just to recover from THINKING about it.)

    Reply
  46. gwen............ says

    August 27, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    Haven't had to do "that" but do have some fond memories of trying to get a urine sample from a newborn…..tape (yes, I said TAPE) plastic bag over his little man parts and nurse like crazy!! It was taking the baggie off that was the tricky part………..sure hope I'll still get grandchildren in the future….lol

    Reply
  47. Darlene says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:10 PM

    Ok, we are sisters for sure! I've done that many samples with it having to be done on two different days..double fun! Not the same as diapers, because with diapers it's the quick swipe two or three times and then fold diaper, and throw immediately into garbage or pail. Yes, the odor will make you gag, but we are so brave, us mamas!

    Reply
  48. quilt-n-mama says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    Ugh, I am with you sister… we have had one very sick little boy in our house this week and I got to "collect" as well. Once didn't get the job done so we had to do it a couple of times… I am so tired of poo in our house this week! Hoping we are seeing the end… I'd love a very large bowl of ice cream, or a really good coffee (we live 1 1/2 hours from the closest good coffee shop and I'd love to sleep for hours to catch up since nights have been short in the sleep all week!
    Hope the results are ok for your litte one!
    gayly

    Reply
  49. Aus says

    August 27, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    Actually – BTDT a number of times with our three adopteds! But since I'm the 'lab rat' I releived my bride of this task….

    Just a couple things – put vicks vapor rub under your nose…it blots out everything! I won't bother you with the names for the 'unnamed liquid' – but your lab should use the containers with the little spoons in the cap – 3 spoons = sufficient sample!

    Oh – and since I'm a guy (and your husband looks like he's a great guy and we'd probably get along well IRL) – can I be your brother instead? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    hugs – drinking is good – aus and co.

    Reply
  50. Lacie says

    August 27, 2010 at 1:22 PM

    Oh, Stefanie, ew, I am so sorry but can't help laughing!

    Just have a glass (or two) of chilled chardonnay. It's light, pleasant, refreshing and it'll do the job. Go ahead, girl. Enjoy that.
    http://funnylittlepollywogs.com

    Reply
  51. Denise says

    August 27, 2010 at 1:25 PM

    We are sisters then!! LOL~

    Reply
  52. Lilly says

    August 27, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    oh sister, sister! done that F-O-U-R time already a few months ago! and yes, Y-U-C-K-Y but D-0-N-E and hope not to repeat in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng time!

    and don't laugh anyone…….(including me as I go back to those memories!)

    Reply
  53. Tracey says

    August 27, 2010 at 4:12 PM

    Been there done that & will do again next year when we bring the next one home! UGH!

    Reply
  54. Natalie says

    August 27, 2010 at 8:37 PM

    I am now mentally reliving a repressed memory. Thanks, sister. LOL

    Reply
  55. Stephanie says

    August 27, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    How funny! I just got a call today from the international adoption clinic patient coordinator today about our appt. on the 8th. It seems the receptionist forgot to tell me about the poop sample when I made the appt. I will be checking back on your post on the 7th for collection tips! Thanks:)

    Reply
  56. Karen says

    August 27, 2010 at 10:16 PM

    Been there. NOT fun!!!!!!

    Reply
  57. Joe and Jane says

    August 27, 2010 at 11:54 PM

    Oh, I've so been there! Thankfully I forgot about it (until now). ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  58. Preppy Pink Crocodile says

    August 28, 2010 at 12:50 AM

    I know it's not the same but I have to do this with my dog all the time. Have you ever tried to collect a urine sample from a dog who is trained to pee in the grass and not a cup? But the worst is what to do with the stool sample after I get it into a baggie and then tupperware (that will get immediately thrown away thankyouverymuch) and then likely another bag or tupperware? Keep in the fridge? Outside? And then the looooog car drive that is 500 times longer than normal because you are keenly aware of what sits in the passenger seat!

    Reply
  59. Gracie's Mom says

    August 28, 2010 at 3:22 AM

    Been there, done that. Yuck. I feel your pain. Why the containers are that particular size is a mystery. My favorite part is delivery to the clinic that is at the very end of a huge building. Lovely. I can understand your not wanting chocolate at this moment. I would go with Skittles. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  60. withgratefulhearts says

    August 28, 2010 at 5:57 AM

    Ok…I'm with the other gal above who asked "WHY" you have to collect the sample??? I've not had my doctor asked for them. Tell me what they are for.

    Reply
  61. Jill says

    August 28, 2010 at 3:31 PM

    WOW! I had NO IDEA that so many of us have experienced this! We too, did it with our first Chinese adoption! YUK! NEVER WILL FORGET IT!

    My condolences!

    Reply
  62. Sharon says

    August 29, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    Yep, we are on the same page. We just finished (after 6 months) our LAST (I hope!) stool sample. The dr. called with the news that it is FINALLY clear…praying and praying that no one else in our home as ANY symptoms. Not such a fun job…

    Reply
  63. Sam says

    August 29, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    Hello, Sister! We are on round 2 of the samples. This time we were given these itty-bitty little card-things and "smear sticks". You peal back a "window" and smear on a little poop then close the window. This thing is TINY! We were told to do this for THREE FREAKING DAYS IN A ROW and then bring them back in THREE WEEKS!!!! WHAT?????? O…M…G… Remember, there are always worse things they can find for us to do!

    Reply
  64. 3 Peanuts says

    August 30, 2010 at 3:39 AM

    Honey…I have done this SOOOOO many times for one on my bio boys (13 different samples just last year!) We are sisters and yes it is AWFUL!

    P.S. If Dave is around…I often make him do this.. I have a horrible gag reflex;)

    Reply
  65. Kudo says

    September 3, 2010 at 3:34 AM

    Sister around our house we say it's only poop and carzy enough, hear this, I live for it!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

I'm Stefanie. Wife to one, mom to 13. Occasional blogger and t-shirt maker. Wannabe photographer and exerciser. Constant grace-needer and orphan advocator. more
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS

Subscribe

instagram

see more...follow us on IG

our china journeys

magnolia - 2016
clementine - 2014
tallula - 2012
penelope - 2011
vivienne - 2010
shepherd - 2008
jude - 2007
sophie - 2006
isabelle - 2005

ways to make a difference

Love Project

proceed with caution

a dirty secret in adoption
we don't celebrate gotcha day
there's no such thing as an easy adoption
if I can, you can.
co-sleeping, why we do it.
gawsh. the series.
crazy
affording adoption
God and me.
Vivi's diagnosis
the ugly, beautiful truth
special needs: my .02
my testimony
dear anonymous
my chinese son

Creative Commons License

Copyright © 2023 · Darling theme by Restored 316

Copyright © 2023 ยท Darling Theme on Genesis Framework ยท WordPress ยท Log in

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.