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when east meets south

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tears

This morning it hit me. I mean, really hit me.

Today my biggest baby was leaving home. Again.

As I grabbed a stack of cereal bowls to set out for breakfast, I cried.

As I picked out dresses for the littlest to wear to church, I cried.

I tried to reason with myself – compared my fleeting hurt to the enduring heartbreak of others – and I told my heart to shush.

But it didn’t. It wouldn’t. A mom’s heart just can’t be quieted when it feels the ache of missing its very own.


I wanted one last picture of all my babies together.

And despite my aching heart, my kiddos managed to bring a big ol’ smile to my face.

If even just momentarily.



Tonight the tears fall, as they did this morning and this afternoon. I continue to try to reason with my heart… after all, I’m not sad for her. She has everything ahead of her — a career, marriage, a baby or three. Or ten. The entire world is at her fingertips.

But still. The tears.

Today, I’m sad for me. And the fact that, once again, half the United States will separate us.

Not the best day to give up coffee and chocolate.


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01.06.13 · Victoria 19

Comments

  1. emily says

    January 6, 2013 at 9:34 PM

    πŸ™ cannot even imagine — i’m in serious denial that any of mine will leave– i’m sure that will only last for so long…

    Reply
  2. Heather says

    January 6, 2013 at 10:10 PM

    Oh…my mama’s heart is breaking for you. Their adventures are always tricky for us, but it just means we’ve answered the call well. Hang in there, Mama. Your girl is off to great things. I’ll be praying for both of you.

    Reply
  3. Jenn says

    January 6, 2013 at 10:25 PM

    Adorable pictures. Sorry your baby is leaving again. You are so sweet.

    Reply
  4. Kelleyn says

    January 6, 2013 at 10:37 PM

    Sorry your heart is sad! May the lord give you comfort.

    Reply
  5. Pieni lintu says

    January 7, 2013 at 5:26 AM

    It must be very hard for mothers!! <3 My kids are still so little so I don't know. Hugs for you!!

    Reply
  6. Aus says

    January 7, 2013 at 7:15 AM

    Yeah – ouch – I get that…

    hugs – aus and co.

    Reply
  7. ellie says

    January 7, 2013 at 8:39 AM

    Sorry – I’m trying not to think that someday I will be the mom with a baby heading out .. . . or maybe not?!

    Love the pictures! So many stories in them πŸ™‚

    You cracked me up about the chocolate and coffee HA! You are more disciplined than I am. For sure.

    xo ellie

    Reply
  8. Joy says

    January 7, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    You are not alone. My heart has had many of those same kinds of days when my daughter would leave (again) for her college, 19 hours away. I would also try to reason with my heart, to no avail. But it’s a good thing, this loving her. Despite those tearful days, I wouldn’t have it any other way. :*)

    Reply
  9. Chris says

    January 7, 2013 at 10:54 AM

    just want to cry with you….

    (((hugs)))

    Reply
  10. nancy says

    January 7, 2013 at 11:55 AM

    Well this is NOT making me feel any better, Stefanie! Mine is going soon. I’ve been mourning in for at least a year already and she’s not even gone yet.
    Waiting vicariously for your reunion posts,
    nancy

    Reply
  11. Jenn says

    January 7, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    My 2nd oldest left the day before as well. I still cry thinking about her leaving. Why do babies have to grow up anyway??

    Reply
  12. Annie says

    January 7, 2013 at 1:35 PM

    Aw, Stefanie, my heart breaks for you:( I can only imagine how hard it must be to know that she will once again be that far away:( Praying she will be able to come home for a visit soon,

    Reply
  13. Amy Rotger says

    January 7, 2013 at 3:18 PM

    …….there are no words of encouragement that I can dare try to comfort your momma heart with. I am teetering on the edge of~junioryearnot muchtimeleftforallthethingsithoughtwehadplentyoftimefor……and right now is when you need coffee…chocolate…and Jesus the MOST!!!…………praying you will reconsider your position on the first two…and sending you a big caffeinated hug! πŸ™

    Reply
  14. jennifer says

    January 7, 2013 at 4:51 PM

    Oh my…I am not looking forward to this season in my life! You had my heart aching until I started laughing out loud at your coffee/chocolate comment! For crying out loud!! Eat the dang chocolate!!!! lol…

    πŸ™‚

    Reply
  15. Kam says

    January 7, 2013 at 6:50 PM

    love you, sweet friend.

    Reply
  16. Mandy says

    January 7, 2013 at 9:31 PM

    Yes, I hear you. Went through what sounds like similar emotions and reasoning with myself right after Thanksgiving when my oldest left for the Navy. Excited for him and his future…heartbroken for me and a chapter in my life closing. Now I’m going to cry again! Really it has gotten better, but those days leading up to his leaving we’re rough. Praying for you!

    Reply
  17. Tera says

    January 10, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    When my baby leaves home, I will cry too. You have such a big heart and such a beautiful family!!

    Reply
  18. Jen says

    January 10, 2013 at 3:38 PM

    I can understand why you are missing your beautiful girl. Let the tears flow–it helps to heal the broken heart!
    She is a beautiful girl and probably a big help too. Love the pictuers.

    Reply
  19. Shecki says

    January 26, 2013 at 10:32 PM

    Or ten. LOL! πŸ˜€

    I can relate. My firstborn is overseas with the Air Force.

    Reply

Leave a Reply to ellie Cancel reply

I'm Stefanie. Wife to one, mom to 13. Occasional blogger and t-shirt maker. Wannabe photographer and exerciser. Constant grace-needer and orphan advocator. more
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