Today marks two years since we got the call about Esther’s death.
And my heart still aches for her.
So much has happened since in those two years.
So much I could have never anticipated nor imagined.
At the time I simply couldn’t see past my grief. I didn’t want to see past my grief.
Not a year. Not a month. Not even a day.
But God.
He carried me during that time, constantly reminding me of His love.
He didn’t give me the answers I so desperately sought.
But He gently revealed to me that He was the Answer.
Two years later I can look back and see Him in every step.
How He is the perfect Father. Protector.
And Giver of all things good.
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. — James 1:17
i feel your heart, friend. and i’m right there with you. much love~
xoxo
This post SPEAKS volumes to me. I look back 9yrs ago and remember the depth of despair I was in. God has brought us full circle and I didn’t see it then, but it was all apart of GOD’S PERFECT PLAN for our family. I leaned heavily on this verse during my toughest moments
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
3 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
8 A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.
God has shown me it’s all in HIS TIME and not in mine. I didn’t see it then, but it’s so evident that GOD was with me thru it all.
That dear sweet girl I prayed for was indeed an angel. She led you to your Tallula. Praying for continued peace in your heart and for all your darling babies. God Bless.
I can’t believe it’s been 2 years, Stefanie. Our Father is so merciful to give us glimpses of His perfect purposes! It is like Carlie said this morning..”We KNOW it’s gonna all work out, we just don’t know HOW”
Love you, friend!
amen!
Stephanie I am so glad for you that you clung on to Him, I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a child….. I think if your sweet Esther often, every time I wear my “so loved” tee. Its my favourite. xoxo
I remember my own pain at your news. We have never met but my heart ached for you and I had a good cry thinking of how you must be feeling.. SO grateful for our God who knows so much more and loves so perfectly. He surely is the giver of good gifts.
Stephanie as I was scrolling through the special needs category on No Hands but Our I realized that there is no section for developmental delays. While I realize it is not a medical condition that can be so easily defined as other conditions listed it would be nice to know who to turn to with questions on this Special Need.. I have discovered my pediatrician has no experience with China adoptions. I am interested in looking at a child who is 3 and is delayed to the point of being more like a one year old. She can not walk and her speech is limited. Her other medical condition is very minor and should have played a very small roll if any in her delays. Am I naïve to believe her delays are due to living in an orphanage or is there a greater issue that is not marked on her file. I know truly there is no way to really now, but it would be nice to read of others who had children with similar history. Will a lot of love, good food and physical therapy go a long way?
your mother’s heart is beautiful.
Two years – my gosh we’ve been hanging out a long time….
And I still feel that – there is nothing worse than a parent loosing a child – even before we bring them home.
hugs and prayers always – aus and co.