Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “GIMME A “P”!! GIMME AN “A”!!“:
Why do you feel the need to “collect” children? Couldn’t you have just been happy with your four biological kids? Were they not enough that you had to have 8 children??? I hope you don’t feel as though you are “saving” them. With 8 children in your home it is like they are going from one orphanage to another.
Posted by Anonymous to Ni Hao Y’all at 12:23 PM
I’ve sat on this one for a few days and just have not been able to muster the emotional energy to try to respond to this person. While I do not feel compelled to respond to everyone who has something negative to say to me, I think this is a common misconception held by many who have not experienced the blessing of the adoption.
Anyone wanna have a go? ๐
Ann on o mos is plain IGNORANT, and she probably never heard of DR. PONSETI…..Shepard will walk and not have issues with his feet because of YOU and YOUR Wonderful family….Bless you ALL!!! My friends daughter had her bilateral club feet made perfect by Dr. Ponseti….Shepard will bless all thoses around him….do not listen to the small minded people…just Enjoy ALL of your blessings
Stefanie,
I was going to post, then decided not to, then prayed about it and here I am.
You, Chris and your children obviously know that your home is not an orphanage and the only thing that kept coming to me as I prayed about what response I should give (if any) was “pray for those that persecute you”. “Remember, they hated me before they hated you”.
Continue to stay focused on our Lord. Do not let the adversary steal your joy. You are doing God’s will, not yours. You are not saving children, you are providing a family for a child that may never know one, and being abundantly blessed by this in return.
I could go on and on, so I think I’ll sign off now. God bless you and I will keep Anonymous in my prayers.
Blessings,
Ohilda
Stefanie,
Wow. I just don’t know. This is a very hurtful comment, in my opinion.
You know we are waiting for our very first child and this is our very first adoption. I’m wondering if this was written by someone in the same situation, or is just a very mean-spirited, angry individual.
Just from reading your blog, you sound like a very loving, kind person who only wants to let others know of the joy of a ‘waiting child’ adoption.
I don’t harbor any ill feelings toward families who’ve adopted many children, even while we’ve waited over a year. Unfortunatley, there are obviously others who don’t share that same sentiment and want to spread mean messages.
I just try and understand that couples like us want to build their families through adoption. What does it matter if some choose to adopt multiple times? That’s really not anyone’s concern except for said family.
How challenging it must be to try and educate others, but sometimes I think there are those who just don’t want to be educated – or care for that matter.
Much love – Jenny G.
I am sure that the comment was made by someone who cannot possibly fathom the life our little ones had before coming home. In China, despite the best intentions, they are lacking one on one care, warm blankets, enough food, and the love and stability that only a family can bring. To classify a home brimming with the love and laughter of a big family, and the inadequate care of an orphanage in a THIRD WORLD COUNTRY as one in the same, shows that the poster has not been exposed to the world and the poverty that MOST of the world is in compared to the abundance of the U.S.
Being a parent of both bio AND adopted children myself, I think that you don’t understand that having 4 “of your own” is an offensive comment. Whether by birth or adoption, these children are blessings and God’s precious gifts to us, and are ALL ours. I wonder if they had given birth to all 8 of them, if you would have the same response.
Lastly, I would say that adoption has been one of the riches blessings for my whole family and as a Christian, I have come to know the love that my Heavenly Father has for me in a much deeper way through our adoption journeys.
I am a better person for being blessed with all four of my children and daily thankful for each of them!
Wow. I am speechless. My guess is someone that cannot have a bio child, and is frustrated with the adoption process?
Sad.
I have been reading your blog for a while now, but not sure I’ve ever posted. We haven’t adopted although someday we would hope to be blessed to do so. Having said that, I’m still going to say something in response to your anonymous poster.
Just from reading your blog it is obvious that you are NOT “collecting” children. It’s obvious that you love each child that God places in your home. You pray over these decisions and it is clear that it is His plan for you to have each child you do. You are all blessed to have each other.
As for the difference between adopted and biological children…there is none!! Whether I adopt, give birth or both, any children I have will be MY OWN children no matter how they come to me and I know you feel the same way. Children are truly a blessing from God. It doesn’t matter if they are born to a person or not! This person obviously does not understand that!
I can’t even believe anonymous would compare your loving home to an orphanage. That is truly the most ridiculous thing I have heard!!! You provide a christian home that is full of love. Your home is a place of comfort to your family. Their lives are profoundly better now than in an orphanage. I know you are equally blessed by them being there.
Ok…I’ve rambled on enough. I’m so sorry someone would post such a mean spirited thing. This person obviously needs our prayers. Keep doing what you are doing and loving those kids of yours!! ๐
Jealousy is such a bitter thing. This person obviously has some desperate need to hurt someone as much as they are hurting. I cherish your blog and admire what you go through everyday. We will have three and I am completely overwhelmed most days. Obviously the person who wrote this hasn’t seen our childrens’ first homes.
It is amazing the neanderthal(sp) can use a computer.
Please don’t let the comments of narrow-minded, sheltered individuals drain the enthusiasm and commitment you have to your family. Don’t let “anonymous” feel the satisfaction of thinking that he/she has upset you when it is he/she that deserves our sympathy. To be so judgmental and speak from a point of view that is so limited is indeed worth our pity.
What you do is wonderful. You are a gift to your children. This poster does not deserve your time or energies!
I don’t believe that person deserves a response from you…or if your response would even satisfy his or her own bitterness. I suggest that we all pray for that person to have a change of heart and continue to lead our lives that God directs. You are doing God’s will. I think it’s awesome that you are making sacrifices in your life to allow a child or 8 children to live a happy, healthy childhood. That is what God wants; he said let the children come to me…He is doing the leading in this thing we call life and all’s we have to do is follow. you are following very well and he is looking upon you and chris and your whole family, and saying ‘well done good and faithful servants.’
Love Sister Kim, OSB
Stefanie:
I’m a lurker, but love your blog and your family’s story. I am totally rooting for every step of your adoption of Shepherd.
I agree with Ohilda. Pray for anonymous and we will, too. We are called to this, as she points out.
But then, darlin’, just hit the “delete” button and don’t feel obligated to let these comments post to your blog.
Blessing your family with God’s best,
Teri
(from Iowa)
I can not believe it. I am shocked that someone could say something this horrible. I also have four biological children, and am adopting two more. And it is out of love. It truly is. And for “anon” to say that the children are leaving one orphanage for another is an out and out lie. I’m sorry that you got this comment. It is sad. They will never understand. Try not to think about it too much. God is blessing you.
Oh how sad that you had to read such an icky comment. I can not imagine why someone would say such a thing but I guess that is one of the risks of putting ourselves out here on the big ole world wide net. Yuck. Obviously someone who doesn’t have a clue because it’s clear to the masses that your children are your treasures and that they are as blessed to have you as you are to have them. Just ridiculous. I am sorry that happened.
I think the key to that question lies in the “ANONYMOUS has left a comment…” I think if you’re going to have an opinion THAT strong then you need to OWN it! I mean if you know everything and thus can state an opinion on everything then STATE YOUR NAME, don’t be a coward. Stefanie is not a coward because she is doing something that many people shy away from and doing it with boldness and faith….and she’s putting her name on it….not signing it anonymous.
In all honesty, I don’t know that this question even deserves a response. I’m reminded of all of the times in Jesus’ ministry where he was attacked by the Pharisees via pointed questions and all Jesus did was acknowledge the heart of the question. The heart of this question could be jealousy, ego, hatred, etc. But above all it wreaks of hypocrisy. Keep the faith and stay the course!!
OK Stephanie –to me this is like the people who make fun of family blogs with childrens’ pictures all over them..They obviously have no children! If they did..they would get it.
This was a comment from someone who cannot imagine this kind of love….This is about the Love of God. We do it because of the Love of God. Not to collect children, not to one up the next guy, because God has shown us LOVE,shown us how to LOVE, and all of the amazing places that LOVE can be found.
This comment did not make me mad, it just made me sad. Sad for the person that cannot see Love, sad for the person that hasn’t felt God move their heart, and sad for a person that cannot imagine the kind of wonderful life that God has called us to lead. Heartbreaking,really.
Oh! and just a heads up, whoever you are, noone in an orphange is called “MaMa”.
Love 2 U Sister/Friend,
A
OK – my first thought was NOT prayer – but I agree – these wise women are right; let’s make it a point to pray for anonymous instead of trying to figure out why they are bitter & how “we” can fix them. We know that there is only ONE that can heal their hearts.
I am so stinkin excited to see you add to your family in the NAME OF CHRIST.
Hugs, Sister!!
Anonymous must live a very sad world inside the BUBBLE!!
wake up and smell the coffee!
Esp since you not even brave enough to leave your name or email!!!
didnt you parents teach you if you cant say something nice dont bother!!!!
ok jumping off my box!!
I’m fairly new here, and I might be projecting a bit of myself onto you ๐ but I feel a lot of similarities exist! We are also in the process of adopting our 8th child, fifth adoption for us, 4th special needs adoption.
With every child we have adopted, we have not proceded until we felt we had prayed through the decision and felt a strong calling to parent that particular child.
I’ve said to friends who ask how we could manage to keep adopting special needs children, particularly our children with Down Syndrome, that it would be harder for us to NOT go forward than to continue with the adoptions, and that is true. When God calls us, it’s as if He has His finger on our back, gently pushing us in His sweet way to do that which He called us to do.
So for me, that’s why 1 biological child wasn’t enough when we adopted the first two times; why 3 bio kids weren’t enough when we adopted the next 3 times, including this time, because we were following the Lord’s call as He completes our family.
I suppose I could say I am collecting children, but I am only collecting the children the Lord has had for our family since the foundation of the earth, not because I am hoping to be put on a pedestal as super adoptive mom.
On a lighter note, why would anyone think those of us with large families are collecting children like trophies? It would be much easier and prestigious to collect other things, and much less hard work! ;oD
I guess I have a different approach to this. I feel like you have clearly set out why you are adopting and what is in your heart. There will always be folks who don’t see eye to eye and no matter how much we know we have pure motives, they cannot be convinced of that for whatever reason. The only people who matter when it comes to the decision to adopt again are you, your family and God. If all of you are in agreement, that is all that matters. It doesn’t matter one bit what anyone else thinks. I agree that this person doesn’t seem to have taken the time to read all of your blog, even back to the beginning of your adoption journey and yet they still want to criticize. Sometimes people criticize and pass judgment on what they don’t understand rather than taking the time to understand where the person is coming from. How could it possibly be bad for any child to be in a loving, supportive environment a parent or parents who love and cherish them very much, rather there are 10 kids in that family or 1.
Amy M.
My grandmother had eight kids and no one ever accused her of “collecting” them. Could it be in anonymous’ mind that there is a difference between biological kids and adopted kids? If so, then she (sadly) doesn’t know the beauty of adoption. The truth is if more people were as selfless and obedient to God as you and Chris, there would be a lot more families with 8 children!
This person is obviously not happy in their own life, hence the horrible statements.
Stef,
I literally gasped out loud when I read the last sentence of that comment. Wow! Shocking!
I’ve had many people ask me “why” are you adopting when you have two beautiful bio kids… “why” are you adopting a disabled older child (never realized 2 1/2 was older ;)…I really have pity for those who question God’s plan and when they feel the need to question the faithful followers that are obeying HIS plan. This is too above anonymous to understand. Your family is beautiful and precious…I can’t wait to see Shepard in the arms of HIS forever family!!
Sending a hug!
Amy C.
Trust me when I say (to those commenting now) that in NO way does this suck any life out of Stefanie- it isn’t possible.
And Stef. Well, you heard my voice on the phone when you shared this with me. I’m not sure what I could type here that would say much more. I have to agree with Ohilda though- I couldn’t have said it better. And to add to it: “Forgive this person, they know not what they do”.
Personally I’m going to have to work through my anger first before I can forgive them. It is astounding to me that anyone can so flippantly make judgments about you without ever having known you in the least, or without (obviously) ever having READ THIS BLOG. Give me A BREAK. Your whole heart IS your family.
I honestly have never known anyone like you Stef. NOT EVER. You have a heart that is capable of the kind of love I can only HOPE to emulate in my own life.
And that’s why this statement hurts me too- because it’s about someone I am close to and love and know- and who’s blog I’ve ACTUALLY READ (since it’s inception, I might add :O)).
And dang it if there I go getting angry again! I’m swinging from a pole like a monkey, about to fly off the handle. (Are you laughing??)
Better quit while I’m ahead. The only person I’ll injure is myself.
Hugs and kisses to you and yours :O)
ADOPT ME for crying out loud. I LOVE YOUR FAMILY and would LOVE TO LIVE IN YOUR KIND OF ORPHANAGE…
you know, the kind that’s called a HOME(HOME HOME HOME anonymous!!) FILLED (I MEAN FILLED!!) with LOVE and LAUGHTER, and PRAYER, and the VERY PRESENCE OF GOD.
See, I said i should quit while i’m ahead..
but i didn’t.
but i will now.
OXOX.
Stefanie,
I have never commented on your blog, though I’ve been a long time reader. All I can say to you is I admire you so much for doing what you do, building your family through adoption and loving and giving your children from China a better life and a life with a family. It is quite obvious that this person doesn’t “get it.” My dh and I have 2 children, 1 bio and 1 adopted and we wait for a second child from China. When we traveled to adopt our daughter Grace we were fortunate to be able to visit the place that she lived for her first 12 months of life. I will never forget that visit to her SWI as long as I live, or the children left behind there. God has blessed you so very much with your children and in turn you bless all of us by sharing your family’s story and inspiring us all. Thank you. ๐
Gail
Wow. You’ve got to wonder where this person is coming from and I don’t want to guess, but it sounds like a pretty bitter and negative perspective or maybe they just don’t really understand. We all know that you aren’t “collecting” children nor are you “saving” children. That’s all quite obvious just by reading your blog. The comment about running an orphanage is laughable. Perhaps this person doesn’t realize what an orphanage is, as there is no comparison between an orphanage and a family. In the orphanage, my daughter wasn’t held often, only fed what could come from a propped bottle, had little stimulation other than the noises of the other babies in the room or an occasional moment with an nanny who had 23 other babies in her care (2 nannies-48 babies). There was no kissing or hugging or touching or cuddling or reading or bathing or feeding or tickling or giggling. There was no one who loved her with all their heart and soul and no one who soothed her, or rocked her or fed her in their arms. There were no books, few toys, no singing, or dancing or rocking . No walks in the grass or on the beach or trips to the park. No birthdays or holidays, no special days or fun days. She was just another baby in a stark white room full babies and cold steel cribs where no one has time for you and no one has time to care. I fear for my other daughter, the deprivation and neglect were much worse and the losses immunerable. I think you have to do it to get it. I get it. I never knew I wanted such a big family but the joy and beauty of my life with my children goes far beyond what I had ever imagined and our entire family has been incredibly blessed through birth and adoption. Stephanie, you live an amazingly rich and beautiful life with your family. Perhaps if this person experienced a bit of what you do each day, they’d actually understand and see the purpose in it all. And isn’t that what life is all about. Isn’t a good life about finding purpose? All people choose different paths in their lives. One size doesn’t fit all and that’s what makes us all unique and life so interesting. So maybe this person can’t see the sense in living a life like yours (or mine or many of your blogger friends), and that’s okay. They get to do something else with theirs. There’s no point in knocking you. Most of us think your just fabulous and an inspiration!
Wow…a very hurtful comment obviously by someone who does not understand what it means to have compassion and love in their hearts.
You, Chris and your entire family are so blessed to know your calling and purpose in life. Your entire family is enriched by these beautiful children you bring into your lives. And, you have made an incredible difference in the lives of these children.
This particular person who left this small-minded comment obviously needs some prayers. I actually feel badly for this person…to not be able to feel joy…that is a shame.
Hold your head high, Stefanie! You are doing God’s will & are an incredible person! I am honored and blessed to know you & call you my friend!
May GOd continue to bless your entire family…now & always!!
Love ya!
Patricia/NYC
Oh Stefanie, you have a tender heart. I understand because I do too. It is hard not to allow hurtful comments to bother even if you know in your head that you should not allow it to. God gave you the amazing heart He’s given you because He knew you would use it for others!! My reaction was to literally sit here and just shake my head. Poor “Anonymous” just has no clue does she? (Guessing it is a female) There are movie stars who collect children. They get their names in papers, have lots of photos taken and then leave their children in the care of nannies while they travel the globe and do what suits their fancy. There are also movie stars who adopt to grow their families and are great parents. Just like in all of life there are good and bad people. Anyone who has spent two seconds visiting your blog can see your heart. You are no more collecting children that Jesus was collecting converts. You have LOVE for children as Christ has love for HIS children! Why should you be “satisfied” with 4 biological children if God has MORE for you?? That’s settling for LESS than God’s best for you. Seems like a no-brainer to me!
I have NEVER ever felt that you have had a “Savior mentality” in adopting any of your precious kiddos. While nobody can deny than in some sense, all adoptive parents ARE saving their child/children from a life as an orphan, but we also know that they bring us so much more than we can ever give to them that it’s no use even trying to go there!
Anonymous my dear, you obviously have not experienced the amazing miracle of adoption. You have obviously never set foot in an orphanage or you would never even dare to suggest that a loving home with 8 siblings could be thought of in any sense as an orphange.
My suggestion to you, dear lurker, would be to search your heart and do a little research as well. Perhaps you will find your heartstrings being tugged as you look into the eyes of the orphans of the world who long to be loved, held and accepted into a forever family.
May you be blessed.
Holly in NC
Unfortunately, I have seen many times that some people just prefer to see the negative side of things. Multiple births? See what the taxpayers will have to support. Save the earth by recycling? Don’t tell me how to raise my children. (?!) Adopting more children? See how little attention that he gives to the ones he already has. (All actual comments by people I have interacted with in the past.)
I have to remind myself that it is GOOD to see the blessings in life and to avoid letting these people drag me down. It is sad that they do not allow themselves to see the joy. Do people really not know that our hearts can expand with each child that grows in it? That there may be a finite amount of time in life, but that the amount of love that we can give is infinite?
I love your blog, it gives such a positive impression!
Julie
mom to 2 from China, and also a military family
Dear Anonymous,
I’m 16 yrs old and the 3rd biological daughter of parents. For 14 years I was the baby of the family. That all changed on the most wonderful day of my life in 2006 when my little sister came into our lives through adoption from China. We are now in the process to bring home my second little sister. After having 3 almost full grown daughters, you may wonder why my parents felt the need to adopt. Honestly, I don’t know how to explain it- but I do know that we have did not adopt just to “collect a new child”. All my life I wanted a little sister adopted from China. It was something that God had placed on all of our hearts. The answer to the reason we adopt- these girls are my sisters. I have two older (bio) sisters and two younger (adopted) sisters. My older sisters are no more my sisters than my younger sisters. Why did we adopt after already having a seemingly full family? Because that was what was right for us. These girls are my sisters- they are my family. Just like Isabelle, Sophie, Jude, and Shepherd are a part of this family- just as much as the older children. Why did they adopt? I cannot answer for them, but I know that they know that these children are their’s. And no, they are not going from one orphanage to another. They are going from an orphanage to a wonderful, loving, awesome family! What could be better than that? Shepherd is coming home to a mom and a dad who adore him and 7 big brothers and sisters to be his best friends for life. Sometimes children do come into better situations when they are adopted- that is to be expected as they are getting a FAMILY. However, I sincerely doubt that was the reasoning behind bringing Shepherd home. I know that was not an indicator of our adopting. We adopted and are adopting because these children are a part of our family- even if they were born on the other side of the world. And i am positive that this family feels the very same way. You may find that difficult or easy to understand- but that is that- that’s all there is to it. No one is collecting children- they are bringing their family together.
Anonymous, I am sorry that you feel this way and feel the need to express your feelings like this. I’ll be praying for you and that God will show you the truth and help and lead you through whatever you may be going through.
~Staci
I donโt usually comment although I do enjoy reading your blog. My husband and I are waiting for our first child from China. Anyone who actually reads this blog can see how loved all of your children are. The comment about the orphanages just floored me. I wish that all orphanages were run like your home could you imagine the love and care each child would experience. What is really sad is that it sounds like that person may be a waiting parent and I hope that they overcome their ignorance and hurtful ways by the time they parent a child. Good luck and personally I would not respond to negative comments unless the identified themselves.
I think it is wise advice that Terynn gave you. It doesn’t make sense to try to make sense of senseless. I will pray for this sad person. That is the best we can do.
Lauren
Some people are just, pardon my french, a-holes, and the ability to stay anonymous on the net often brings out the worst in people. Ignore it. You have done and are doing a wonderful thing. These children are so lucky to have found a forver family with you.
Proverbs 18:6 A fool’s lips walk into a fight,and his mouth invites a beating.
That being said, one only has to look at scripture to find defensible grounds to totally ignore remarks such as these. Throughout your days, remember that you are serving God and not man. The unregenerate person cannot fully understand the mysteries of the Lord or why we, as His children, would reach out in love to orphans regardless of how many children you have at home.
Thank you for your good example and we will continue to pray for speedy travel dates.
-Paul(father of 5…waiting for 6, all mine whether adopted or bio)
Dear Stephanie,
This is what I would say to “anonymous”:
Dear Anonymous,
Every child deserves a mommy and a daddy. Every child deserves a home in which to be loved and nurtured. Could we have been satisfied with our four biological children? Absolutely, but God had other plans for us and for our family. Certainly He doesn’t call every parent to adopt 4 (or more) children from China. I have written about this pretty extensively on past blogs, especially when we were introducing Shepherd. I am sorry if our home appears to be “just another orphanage” to you. I can assure you that it is not. I am also sorry that you are unable to see the unmeasurable joy and blessing that our family shares with each other.
Stephanie, just some thoughts I had..trying to put myself in your place….feel free to use any of them if you choose to answer her. There is certainly no need to acknowledge me.
Your sister in Christ,
Lisa from Littleton, CO
Steph – yeah this was SURE a nice comment…….I don’t think there should be any response. They were not asking but commenting and I don’t know that any amount of education will help.
My response – who cares if on some level you feel you have saved a child – from further abandonment, from a life as a beggar, from a life stigmatized by the lack of a family…. one can go on. That is what adoption is all about – families – large or small providing nourishing places for little minds and bodies to grow into adulthood and become contributing members of society – to find joy in life, not sorrow and loss. I am not sure what else can be said, but knowing that there is room in your heart and home for another child and acting on that to provide a family’s love, nutrition, medical care, a sense of belonging, an education and address a child’s unique needs, it cannot be wrong. Delete and forget about it is probably the best response. Stacy
Oh my Stefanie: I sat here trying to write something eloquent but all I can say to that poster is a quote from my 19 month old friend…
“PBBBFFFFFTTTTT”
I thought a quote from a 19 month old was appropriate as the anon poster is obviously on the same mental level. Thankfully my friend will grow up, too bad I can’t say the same about anonymous poster.
I would not allow “Anonymous” comments.
I know this was very hurtful to you.. frankly, it’s not anyone’s business but yours! When you allow anonymous comments.. you sometimes open yourself up to hurt, that sticks with you. I, for one, do not want to go there. There’s enough negativity in this world already.. ..even more so about adoption! I choose not to focus on them. I would block this comment from my memory and truly pray for this person.. because it is obvious that they have not a clue as to what JOY God gives through Adoption.
Sorry someone would even post such a comment.. truth be told.. they are gutless to leave it as anonymous.
I have no idea why someone would say such a thing. I have only been a reader here for a short time but it has been very easy to see how much you love your children (regardless of how many and where they came from!). I think you are adopting simply because you love children and have so much to give.
I didn’t adopt to ‘save’ a child. I adopted because I wanted the chance to share my life and love with another child.
Don’t let people who don’t know what they are talking about dampen your spirits.
My comment is not even regarding adoption….however I am an adoptive parent…..
HOWEVER, I am the last child of 8, what if my parents thought 4 was enough? Then I wouldn’t be here right now!
It’s not a matter of the number of children that you have – it’s about how many children has God given you?
I am shocked!! I can’t believe that someone would be so hurtful. No words!! I’m just stunned!! Why would they read your blog in the first place?
I’m so sorry that you were attacked!
I always think people that make these comments are jealous and feel inferior. I think they feel that they could not manage 8 kids (& are struggling with maybe the 2 they have) that there must be something wrong with you.
People dont’ like when you do something good…it makes them feel inferior in their own simplistic lives.
I know these comments really bend me out of shape when they are directed towards me…but here I can stay objective. It is easy for me to encourage you that we not doing it for the approval of man…but for the glory of Him!
Then Jesus said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34
I will pray for “anonymous” and for your sweet family.
Stefanie,
Please let Anonymous’ comments go on their way (that kind of stuff all runs downhill, so I hear). It was clearly made out of ignorance: of you, your family, your children, and the reality of orphanages.
I really get sawed-off by these kinds of insults, but I wonder if they’re not fueled by personal hurts. Perhaps “Anon” is an adult adoptee whose a.family didn’t treat them the way they should have. Perhaps “Anon” is a bio child whose home was crummy and unloving. We’ll never know, as that’s how these “Anon” comments go. It’s sometimes easier to let go of the anger if you can feel pity. I feel pity for someone who can’t instantly see by your photos and the things you write how wonderfully blessed you and your children are to have each other. I feel pity for someone whose life experience hasn’t taken them into an orphanage to experience the loneliness, the hunger, the empty feeling of having no one to call family–and then turns around to equate your family with that. So sad.
Continue to listen to the Lord. He surely knows what He asks of us, in spite of criticisms of your motives by those around you. Stay faithful to the One who gives us all good gifts, including children–born of our bodies OR hearts. His opinion is the only one worth anything. And He’s never Anonymous. :o)
Hello, only just came across your blog, sorry to read this post, how very odd to receive a message like that, doesnt make any sense. I am guessing they dont believe their own words otherwise they would post with their name and not hide behind an anonymous login to post it. I guess they are interested in adoption though or else wouldnt be here, I pity their ignorance. I worked in a romanian orphanage for 6 months about 10 years ago, I dont think this person has any clue about the situation in some orphanages out there as even if you had 20 kids at home I think it would be a heaven on earth compared to the horror I saw in the squalid Romanian orphanage I worked at.
Mean people stink ๐
God Bless you on your journey now to Shepard…
WOW! Steph!
Some really cool people dig your blog! Great advice left by all!
What a blessing. Don’t you just love this village?!
xoxo,
A
Ohilda couldn’t have said it better so ditto!! I don’t believe a response is necessary. You have mentioned time and time again what led you to adoption. There will always be ignorant people out there but to actually send an email attacking someone for their choice is a different thing. Just walk away. And be thankful that you have your EIGHT blessings!!
Hi Stefani,
I thank God Anonymous is reading your blog. He or she is being fed seeds of faith whether he or she is aware of it or not. God’s word does not return void, but accomplishes that for which He sends it. Your blog is filled with His word! It’s bursting with testimonies of His love and faithfulness! Our ever-gracious Father is sowing seeds in the hearts and minds of people who are too wounded to hear it in any other way. Anonymous is just one more heart that He loves so much. Keep it up, and revel in the joy of knowing how He uses you and your precious family to plant seeds in the hearts of others every day! He will take care of the harvest.
P.S. I had to sign “Anonymous” myself because I couldn’t figure out how to use “Choose an Identity”! Susan
Stefanie.
Being a woman of god I won’t disrespect you with all the 4 letter words that come to mind. All I can say is some people don’t deserve the dignity of a response and this is a prime example. Save your energy for you beautiful family. I loved the updated pics and so happy to see that gorgeous boy smiling
Hugs!
Lisa in the Big Apple
Stef โ
Hereโs what I might say โฆKind of long winded but โฆ well anyways โฆ please find comfort that you are a WONDERFUL, LOVING, KIND & GENEROUS person & mother to ALL your children – no matter what this person says. ๏
— Kelly O
website: http://www.easttowestorourke.com
Dear ananoymous,
I have received your comment/question. I found it very hurtful since I feel the question was worded in the meanest way possible, which was not necessary. However, I have decided to respond. I do have 4 very beautiful and wonderful biological children however I felt God was leading me to add to my family as He has added to His. I have been able to provide to these children with a home, medical care, love & attention beyond what was available to them in the orphanage. Should you ever decided to adopt, I feel you would understand that no matter how a child comes into your family through either birth or adoption you LOVE them all the same and they are ALL my children.
I really do not feel there is a difference between any of MY children, no matter how they joined my family however, I do want to ask you some questions and for clarity I am specifying โbiologicalโ or โadoptedโ in the questions:
(1) If all 8 children were biological would you still say Iโm โcollecting childrenโ? Would you still consider my home an orphanage due to the # of children I have in my home- even though none of them are adopted?
(2) If so at what point is someone considered โcollecting Children? At child #3 Or child #4 ?
(3) Why should I continue to add biological children to my home when there are children who need to be adopted and to have a home and love? If I have that to give and if I WANT to give that, why shouldnโt I?
In summary I feel if you have been a long time follower of my blog; you would have seen evidence of what a loving, wonderful family I have with ALL my children. You would also see that what I have provided for ALL my children a loving HOME and it can no where be compared to that of an orphanage.
One of the great blessings of living in the US is that we have the freedom to have the family size we want. We could choose to be a childless couple or we could choose to have 8 wonderful, beautiful children like I have. We could also choose to add those 8 children any way we want. What a blessing to have that freedom! I am not sure which you chose, however I am not judging you for your lack of adopting or lack of biological children, thus please do not judge me. I was raised that if you have nothing nice to say then donโt say anything at all. So on that note; good day & God Bless.
–
I grew up in happy home with two siblings but there are times when I look at your beautiful family of ten and think, man it would it fun to grow up all over again your house! It is so incredibly obvious how happy, healthy and LOVED your chilren are…not to mention two glowing parents who look 25!
As an adoptive parent of an incredible little girl from China, I was bothered by anonymous’s comment. The more I thought about it, the more I started wondering if maybe this person had a really bad childhood and doesn’t know what a happy loving, home is. How sad.
I thought to start a comment about how ignorant and unkind people like ‘anonymous’ are, how we should pray that their hearts can be softened to let in the love and light of Christ. Then I read through all of these comments. Such wonderful people offering up the same words, the same encouragement, the same four-letter words I thought of for just a moment ;-0
The light in your life and in the life of your family shines and will keep shining and someday maybe ‘anonymous’ will get it.
So, ditto to all the wonderful encouragement and love already offered up. DITTO!!
Oh my goodness!! I have been following your blog for a while now and my mouth literally hit the floor when I saw this post.
Definitely ignorance but really this is someone who sees a child as a burden and not a blessing. They can’t understand the choice to continue to ‘have’ more children when they view children as a hinderence to their own lives instead of the most amazing, joyous blessing. This type of person is more focused on their children turning 18 and moving out then enjoying every single moment they have them home…I weep when I think about the day my babies will grow up and be on their own.
When people can’t grasp the concept that God has placed each of these precious children in your lives then the conversation stops there. Because they can’t simply understand the heart of God so they could never understand your heart to have a large family.
I think your family is absolutely wonderful and I am super jealous! I look at large families and long for that ๐ We have 5 (4 by the miracle of adoption). I pray the Lord has more for us…I pray He will reveal that to my sweet hubby…LOL!!
Blessings, stacy
It is really sad that people have to be so mean and nasty. I agree with others on here, just delete or do not have anonymous commenting.
Blessings to you and your family.
Im glad that God didnt feel that way, when He adopted all of us into His family!!!!!
Personally I would make it so you can not leave a Anonymous comment. I can not believe someone would say something like that..I have been reading and enjoying your blog and I so admire you. I wish I would have had the nerve to do what your family is doing. Your family is truly BLESSED!
Hugs
IGNORE anonymous!
We have 8 children. I do not feel as though I am running an orphanage!! This is our family. This is the plan that God had for us! I couldn’t imagine my life without these blessings.
Blessings to you! Shepherd is PRECIOUS, too!
Carla
Each child is a blessing to a family and vice versa.
Think of these children as they grow up and go into the world. They will have parents to stand behind them. They will have siblings to be their friends, confidantes amd support systems. Their own children will have Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins.
None of this would be possible if they were raised in an orphanage.
April
OK – I have to comment even from vacation while Ruby is napping…
Honestly, I want to cry for this person and how lonely she/he must be. My first comment is she needs the Lord in her life. Then she would understand that we are all adopted! My greatest gift has been experiencing both labor & delivery in a hospital, and labor in the wait and delivery in the Civil Affairs Office in Nanchang. Both miracles, and both gifts from GOD! I am so saddened that anyone would ever personally attack you or this amazing journey that God has led you too. Snaps to you for as always being the loving and bigger person!
Hugs from AZ!
Diana
P.S. GORGEOUS pics of Shepherd! What a blessing!!!
I think this person might be pro-getting-their baby-sooner, not anti-adoption. Perhaps they cannot have bio children and you are seemingly standing in their way or the way of others who are waiting. It could be a jab because it’s “not fair”. In this way of thinking, children are not necessariy meant for anyone-in-particular. So, I can see where she/he is coming from. I completely feel for them and for their pain, even though I don’t agree with the way they have gone about communicating their feelings.
But I don’t get why one’s sadness makes it okay to make such a hurtful jab at another. What I have learned in adoption groups is that it’s welcomed to strike out at people who profess a faith that is Christian. It’s not seen as wrong or intolerant. This used to enrage me until I began to see a trend in myself and others.
I can see where the phenomenon is coming from. While some Christians like to cling to feelings of persecution, they won’t take the time to think about why people might hate “obnoxious Christians” and even lump Stef in with “them”. That’s the fault of Christians and we need to quit it and take responsibility for our own stuff. And Stefanie, I am sorry you have to pay the price for the people who live in their legalism (that Jesus hates) and profess to love Jesus when they struggle to love others who misunderstand and may not love Him.
To clarify for anonymous: what Stefanie is doing is not wrong or selfish or hoarding or obnoxious. It’s just something that is difficuly to understand. Honestly, it’s a love that is not easy to understand! To have this many children and to invest in them to the extent that her family does is not selfish, it’s quite the opposite. To teach her children through life that they are not the center of the universe is preparation for life. These children will grow to love and serve others because they were loved well and they have seen what it is to lay down their lives for someone else.
To go to China many times because she and her husband are convinced that THEIR child is on the other side of the globe is not hoarding. These children are treasured, longed for and precious and known for their distinct personalities. Read some posts and you will see. I am quite sure that Stef’s kids will turn out secure and will know well how deeply they are loved as children, not orphans.
And if Stefanie loves Jesus, I think she is following His example. He came to save lives and not just the pretty lives. He came to save to lives of those who were sick and far off. He came to make orphans children. This is one Christian that I hope you will look to as genuine and lovely and living what she believes.
Leigh
Oh the things that I could be saying right now that are not loving.
Stef-you and Chris are amazing parents. You have followed God’s direction in your lives and are following His direction.
This comment was made by someone unfamiliar with God’s grace.
If you had all of your children biologically this comment would not have been made.
It’s sad and frankly pathetic.
God bless you dear heart. Follow His leading and lean on His grace.
Steve and I have one daughter. People ask me all of the time if we have a number in mind. I say, four sounds good…or six, well, what ever the Lord does is fine with me. They look a little shocked. I have no idea what His plan is for our family. WE are going to pursue our dreams of a big family and listen to what the Lord wants from us along the way.
Clearly this person commented on a topic she nows nothing about. Blinded eyes. How very sad indeed. Sometimes people who are not called to adoption do not “get it”. We all know that, but, most of them aren’t against us. Surely there is more to that post than meets the eye. Perhaps she/he has never been adopted to know the room that exists under His wings. Let’s pray that Abba will come and gather His chicks and change hearts and minds.
A friend of mine is in the process of adopting 2 children from Ethiopia. These 2 will be her 7th and 8th adoptions, plus she has 4 biological kids. All are still at home, the oldest is 14.
Someone recently asked her, “Don’t you have enough kids?” She responded, “I suppose I do have enough. There just aren’t enough parents.”
I loved that.
Eileen
O.K., one more comment! Another friend has just adopted her 8th child, and has 3 biological children. Her last two adoptions have been of HIV positive children. She recently wrote (and has given permission to share):
“I have been thinking a lot about kids lately… kids who don’t have moms (and dads)… kids waiting for moms, and what life is like for kids who do not have parents. I have been thinking about the transformation that occurs when a child realizes he has a mom, a dad, a family…security, love and somewhere to belong.
With some of our kids, that “realization” that they have a Mom and a family, that they have someone to belong to, someone to watch over them, someone to care for them and someone to love them, has been gradual. With some of our kids, there has been this “a ha!” moment, where you could just see that they “got it”.
There was baby Maggie… almost four months old… laying on the bed in our hotel in Vietnam on our first full day together (I had been visiting her for days at the hospital before this point). Before her hospitalization she had lived in a government orphanage where the babies had their names written on their legs in black magic marker so they could be told apart, and got very very little personal attention. She didn’t cry when she was hungry or when she wanted something. She was quiet and tiny, but I could tell she loved being held and loved the attention I was giving her.
I walked away from the bed where she was laying to get a bottle for her, and she made this teeny tiny pitiful (feeble attempt at a) cry, and I rushed over and picked her up and offered her the bottle. She got this look of amazement on her face with a little smile that seemed to say, “Holy cow! You mean that crying thing WORKS with you??” and after that she did not want anyone but me and always wanted me close. She got it. I was there for her. I was her mom.
With Mercy, she was nine years old. She had had a mom before, who did not value or respect her role as a mom. Mercy knew neglect and abuse and loss. Despite that, she came to us with an open heart and a surprising amount of trust. At one point during our first week, Des needed her hair washed (and Mercy had been the one to care for Des up until that point, even though she was only three years older). Mercy told Des to go into the bathroom so she could wash her hair, and I gently told Mercy that I could wash Des’s hair, and reminded her that that was the kind of thing a Mom should do. The social worker had warned us that “letting go” of being the caregiver of Des might be hard for Mercy and we might have some power struggles over it… but Mercy looked at me and looked at Des and looked back at me and said, “You wash all the other little kids… You would wash Des’s hair too?” and I said, “Yes”. And she said, “And then what would I do?” and I said, “Well, you could go play.” And she looked at Des again and then back at me, and then she got this huge smile on her face, and you could almost SEE her letting go of the responsibility of caring for her little sister. She ran over and gave me a hug, and then took off to play. She got it. I was there for her and for her sister. I was their mom.
With Solomon, that moment came when we left AHOPE for the second time together. We had spent two days together, and then we had gone back to AHOPE to visit. As we walked through the gate and the kids called out his name and came running to say hi to him, he sat in my arms with huge, silent tears running down his cheeks. He would not make eye contact with anyone (including me, the kids and the nannies) and just stared ahead with this heartbreaking acceptance of the fact that he thought he was being left. Again. It hurt me so much that he had come to accept this from life… that nice people came and went, but he did not truly belong to any of them. I couldn’t imagine how his little heart felt and how he had endured all that he had already. I comforted him and held him close and told him over and over again in his ear that I would never, never, never leave him.
He started to relax a little the longer we were there and I stayed with him, but he was not his usual self. And then it happened. I put him in the sling, we waved good-bye, went back out through the gate and headed back up the road towards the hotel for some lunch. He got this HUGE grin on his face, and was bouncing up and down in the sling laughing, and then grabbing my face and kissing it over and over as we walked. He was so happy and joyful. He got it. He was not going to be left again. I was HIS. He was mine. I was his Mom.
Since then I have watched him blossom with love. I have watched him learn how to expect and look forward to being held often, comforted when he cries, rocked to sleep, having his needs met, getting individual attention and being smothered in hugs and kisses often. As I crawled into bed last night, a few hours after I had put him down to sleep, his little body turned towards me, and without waking up, he put his arm on me, snuggled in close and let out a content sigh.
All kids deserve that knowledge, that peace and that comfort. All kids deserve to know that they are loved and that they belong to someone.
I believe with all my heart that our Heavenly Father did not send us down here to go at life alone, to worry about ourselves and to focus our lives on material and trivial things. I believe with all my heart that we are meant to live in families… mothers, fathers and children together, focusing our lives on loving, enjoying and serving each other.
We have several reasons to believe that Solomon most likely spent very little (if any) time with his first mother. And yet even after multiple changes in caregivers and “homes”, multiple losses and lots of suffering without a mom to comfort him, he KNEW what a Mom was for from our very first days together. His heart and soul reached out to mine and grabbed on firmly. He knew that he wanted a mom. He knew that hugs, kisses and rock-a-byes were something he wanted, deserved and needed. The other kids we met in Ethiopia knew it too. They knew that they belonged with parents. They knew that something big was missing from their lives.
My heart rejoices for my kids and others that have had their lives changed so drastically…who were once alone, and now live with love, security and family. Watching Solomon over the past few weeks has reminded me of what an incredible miracle adoption is.
And at the same time, my heart aches for the so very many kids who are living life alone right now. . Even the very best orphanage is no comparison to a home and family. It is wrong that these kids must wait and yearn for a family. They deserve, as all children do, the peace and security that comes with the knowledge of knowing that they belong to someone, that they are being cared for and that they are loved.
This is why I support adoption…because I have seen the sadness in the eyes of the children who wait for moms, I have seen the amazing transformation in children once they have been “claimed” and loved, and because I believe, with all my heart, that that love and belonging is what our lives on this Earth are supposed to be about.”
It’s long, but I thought it was so well-said!
Eileen
Stepahinie…when someone left me a nasty comment like that once a wise person e-mailed me and said…”Mediocrity always attacks greatness.” Your family is an example of greatness of Jesus’ work here on earth. You insprier SO many people!!! Do not even honor this unhappy person with a response. I will pray for them because they are unaware ot the greatness of the gift of adoption to everyone. Obviously, they (anonymous) are looking for drama.
I hope it is okay that I added your blog to my sidebar. You are so inpriring.
Kim
Kim
Stefanie, I don’t know you and only came by your blog through someone else but I have to say that some people just don’t, can’t, or won’t understand that a child is always better off when he is loved by a family.
Whether you had one or 12, he will have more love when he comes home to you than he has ever known in his lifetime. The medical care that he will receive after coming home to you will change his life forever.
I am a single Mom to 3 adoted girls (2 from China), and I feel the calling to adopt 2 or 3 more. I know how you feel when someone makes these hurtful comments because I have received them myself.
Because I am single most people assumed that one or two would be enough for me. They don’t understand that God has called me to be a mother and has placed a burning desire in my heart for these SN children.
I no longer qualify to adopt from China, but that just tells me that God has plans for me in another Country.
At times, I think myself that I might be crazy to hope to raise that many kids on my own, but I would rather have a lifetime of happieness with my children than a bank account full of money.
Maybe, if I am lucky, God will send me a husband who is as crazy as I am about loving God’s children.
God has called on us to take care of His treasures for Him. It is not our job to ask why, but to listen and obey. It may not always be easy, but the joy that they will bring to our lives will far out weigh the work involved and the rude/hateful comments from those who can not possibly understand.
As a mom to 2 bio children and having chosen adoption after the death of a child..I got the “you can’t replace her comment” . Well DUH!!! I would say this person that commented is not informed and is jealous. I would love to have 8 children but I know we can not. Does that make what your are doing wrong? Of course not. You have been given this chance by God to have these kids and they are yours NO MATTER where they came from. My travel mates when I adopted LIndsey were adopting their 5th child (4th from China). They are now adopting again. I say go for it.!!! I agree that that person need to OWN their comment!! God Bless You
Kathy T
Alaska
http://www.lindseyli.blogspot.com
Collect Children? YES LORD! Lets collect them from the highways and the byways..the dying and the broken, lets lift them out of the ash heap and set them in families. Then we could be like our heavenly Father, who sees these orphans as precious and valuable in His sight. Lets do it! I want to collect children for the rest of my life!!!!!