At the very end of 2012, I committed to following God’s prompting and begin to share more authentically here. And it’s turned out to be easier said than done, honestly, and I am not even quite sure why. But I know part of it is my own fear.
And what better way to fight a fear – and trust the Lord – than to just obey. So here we go.
I hope to share regularly, as I feel led, about what God is doing in my life, and I hope you’ll share with me as well what God is doing in yours. God is worthy to be made much of, and so He will be made much of here.
I recently completed another fast. Y’all might remember me bemoaning the Daniel Fast last year as I, for the first time, gave up sugar, soda, caffeine and pretty much everything short of tree bark.
Hummus, natural peanut butter and quinoa became my BFFs. Okay, not the quinoa.
But the truth is, with God’s help – and because of His gentle prompting – I was able to give up some things I never thought I could. Because self-discipline is not my strong suit. And saying “no” to myself does not come easily. I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it.
I like it. I like it a lot.
I’ve always known this about myself. It’s the reason I procrastinate. It’s the reason I have 215 partially-read-books speckling my house. It’s the reason I once asked my husband to go on Weight Watchers with me before a big event… one of those I-can’t-believe-I-have-to-go-to-this-fancy-affair-can’t-I-just-stay-home? kind of a deal. He lost 15 pounds and I gained 5.
Thankfully, my dress was part spandex.
But I’ve always been convinced that I simply lacked the self-discipline to do anything differently. I mean, I’d managed some short spurts of eating healthier, or being more disciplined, or not procrastinating. But it always felt like white knuckling. And, not surprisingly, I soon gave up. One can only white knuckle it so long.
And then came last year. Our church began the Daniel Fast in January. And we (Asher, my husband, and myself) decided to jump in. I gave up my beloved Diet Coke, Starbucks Caffè Verona and Little Debbie Everything. But this time, the goal wasn’t to eat healthier or to be more organized. The goal was to walk out day-to-day obedience in something the Lord had put on my heart.
Out of this fast came a real fascination with this man, Daniel. And his relationship with God. And the more I studied him, the more inspired and encouraged I became. I was especially in awe of his wisdom. His unshakable devotion. His unflinching response to all that Nebuchadnezzar and his contemporaries tried to throw his way. And in everything, God revealed Himself to Daniel, protected Daniel and loved Daniel.
And so, I began to pray for wisdom.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. — James 1:5-7
And God answered my prayer. Not in the way I had been anticipating – not quite sure what I was anticipating – but what God revealed to me was more of Him. His Goodness. His Holiness. His Perfection. In contrast, it also revealed more of me than I’d ever known. Or ever really wanted to know. My self-righteousness. My pride. My selfishness.
Yuk.
And, it grieved me terribly. But God didn’t leave me there. All along I have had such a sense of His presence, as if He is tenderly carrying me, wiping away my tears. And, as I sought forgiveness and fully accepted the weight of my sinfulness in light of His perfection, as well as my complete and accomplished forgiveness in Christ, I am quite certain that He smiled.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. – James 4:10
And so, I fasted again this year. I almost-kinda-sorta jumped at the chance. Because looking back I can see that God began a work in me that began during that first fast — and He still continues. As I obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, God draws me closer to Himself and I am learning to cling to Him and let go of the things of this world, little by little.
Focusing on Him means focusing less on me. So the five extra pounds isn’t my focus any more… the goal is to honor God in how I care for my body. The procrastination isn’t my focus any more… the goal is to honor God with my time. Everything changes when, in your pursuit of Him, He gives you insight into Himself. Because the more you see of Him, the more you desire to see. And to obey. And to rest in His love.
And that is something I don’t ever want to miss again.
snekcip says
You inspire me SO much. Thank you for this post.
Rose E. says
I’ve been silently following your blog for some months now but today I must comment since your words were meant for me. I have the same issue as you. I feel like I’ll be stuck in the same rut for the rest of my life. And God told me the same things about knowing him and doing things for Him. And even like you, he showed me that I could change through my eating habits (I’m 3 weeks into eating healthy and I haven’t given up yet!). God does this thing with me where he tells me something and then I agree to do it and then he confirms it afterward through someone else. Well, you were my confirmation so thank you for being authentic.
NiHaoYall says
Wow, Rose. Thank you for commenting, what a big encouragement to me to be obedient to God in being authentic. LOVE how He works all things together for the good of those who love Him — as only He can.
Rose E. says
Yep, he’s generally awesome like that 🙂
Luana says
I literally laughed out loud when I read, “He lost 15 pounds and I gained 5!”
Yes, I relate – to all of it.
Thanks for sharing your authentic self.
Luana
Leslie @ Body Won't Break says
I love authenticity. I think it’s one thing that is missing the most from life and the blogosphere. So glad you felt challenged, and listened to the challenge, to be authentic.
I shared a bit about how God is meeting my husband and I in amazing ways. I had knee surgery recently, and have been off work for almost two weeks now. While it’s been hard, God has been there – even going ahead of us in huge ways. I shared a bit about that on my blog today.
Amy says
Thanks for being real. I look at your beautiful family and think “Man, she has it all!” But I know the most important thing we share is Jesus and we all have our own issues. Thanks for showing your heart and your issues. We are all work in progress to be sure!
Blessings!
Kim says
This…is…beautiful… I see a lot of myself in what you wrote and I need to go deeper in my walk. Thank you for being real. It is truly inspiring.
Julie says
Wow. I really needed to hear that. Thank you!
Anne says
I stink at discipline. Oh so very much. And your post was timely for me as well – my husband and I had a conversation about it this morning. Thanks for the encouragement and reminder that my focus should not be on my attempts to “fix myself”, but instead on Him. I want my shortcomings to only lead me to thankfulness for His grace, not discourage me. Keep sharing! 🙂
Jennifer says
Stefanie. You are awesome. Thanks so much for this post…..loved every word.
Amy Rotger says
Yes….yes…and yes. Thankful for your willingness to be transparent for His glory. Thankful for His willingness..and tenderness to come to where we are and gently pull us close to Him. And in that closeness I find I have never been more uncomfortable (because here is where I see my true self). The past two years, for me, has been a constant pulling and stretching of my faith. He has leveraged His strength through many of my weaknesses and I am finding every day that I crave the discomfort that closeness with Him sometimes brings. I like myself better this way…broken….and broken is the only way I can be of any use to Him. (This world is so backwards..broken is beautiful!)
~Amy
Amy says
I’m totally with you. Not so muc the fasting but the learning to let go. The honor, obey and rest in His love. Amen girl!
Aus says
Great “reveal” – but mostly great that you are willing to take the “long and hard look” at yourself, your life, your motivations….that’s called real living….and I’m confident you’ll like what you find!
hugs – happy – aus and co.
Sara says
Hi Stephanie,
I enjoyed reading your post and the changes God’s placing on your heart. It coincided with what I’ve been experiencing, so I thought I’d share a bit of my journey. I believe Daniel was strong because God had worked an amazing change on the inside. Daniel didn’t have to check off the calendar for the number of days he obeyed God once he made his new year’s resolution. His strength came naturally to him because it was a work of God in his heart.
For a couple years my pastor spoke only of God’s grace…over and over…and from every angle. Our church was washed in it. I learned God loves me dearly, just the way I am. He desires more for me, but he loves me, whether I change or not.
Having this foundation of absolute acceptance, change happens, not under the weight of judgement, but happens naturally from within. True change is the change that happens because God makes the change. It hardly takes any effort on my part, because God made a true change. God will open the door to change…I can now walk through it to a new way of living without any desire to go back.
I’ve changed major areas in my life by asking God to change my view of each one. Over time I start to get sick of the thing I’ve been struggling with or I start to lose my desire for it…I know the end is drawing near. The day comes, when I know i’m through and God is handing me my freedom. It’s so easy to let go, because I’m just not the same person anymore. I’ve never returned to any of those struggles again. I do have to keep guard on those areas, however, so Satan doesn’t take hold of them.
Yesterday, when I read your post, God was working with me on a smaller issue than the ones I’ve had in the past…my coffee habit. I’ve been growing tired of it lately and I knew God was changing my view of it and my freedom was near. I suspected today was my day of freedom if I wanted it…God was handing it to me for the taking. Reading your post was confirmation to me that I was now through with it and I was going to be just fine without this expensive burden…plus all the expensive teeth whiteners! God has better uses for my money!
Please continue to share your journey…it is such a blessing to us!
Chris says
Love this so much!
I’ve always struggle/struggled with worry and micro-management.
The closer I walk with the Lord the less I worry…the less I want to control everything…..the more I want to be snuggled right up against Him!
Rachel says
i followed your journey on the daniel fast last year and this year my husband and i participated in the daniel fast in january. we were particularly praying for miracles in our adoption process (we are adopting twin girls from DRC), we had 4 very specific things we were praying for during our daniel fast and God answered each one in ways we could not have anticipated- we could clearly see His hand!!
Danielle says
And this is why I follow your blog. Inspirational to see someone pursue God whole heartedly. Challenges me. Thank you.
Amy Murphy says
In a post a little while back, you said, “I have been so crazy blessed by the way my relationship with the Lord has grown this year. God showed up in all my humble efforts and loved on me, encouraged me and revealed Himself in ways I’ve never experienced. And with each and every glimpse I get of Him, His goodness and His God-ness, the more I fall in love with Him.” When I read that, I said, “I WANT THAT! I want to be able to say that, too.” I’ve been so jaded the last two years. I was a spoiled brat asking God why he wasn’t answering my prayers. I was bitter, and I was distancing myself from Him. My friend and I just started reading “The PAPA Prayer” by Larry Crabb. This book has been meeting me right where I’m at. I am sooo hopeful for what God has for me this year. I’m already feeling so much more contentment with my relationship with him. Thanks for sharing your heart, and thanks for inspiring me!
Jenna says
Thank you for sharing this and for following God’s leading in being authentic. I think it is something many if not all people struggle with, just being transparent with others. I know it is one of my struggles and your post inspired me to do just that. And don’t worry you’re not alone in the book department. I’m pretty sure I have started MANY books in the last year and just forgot about them!
EA says
Thanks so much for sharing so authentically. God used this post to encourage me in things his spirit is currently stirring in my own heart. I love your authentic walk with the Lord, your obedience to his word and his promptings, your open ears and eyes to study his word and hear him speak gently and firmly into the broken parts of yourself and ultimately to receive his PERFECT FATHER’s LOVE for you!! I love you family from afar and I pray God will continue to bless you with his presence, what we need most on this journey and continue to use your small life to exalt himself in the nations as you carry out his calling on your life in the orphan crisis. Much love, EA (sheryl L’s BFF since first grade!!!)