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bittersweet

When we got the phone call about Esther, time seemed to stand still.

It was like I was moving in slow motion. Everything around me seemed to have shifted somehow.

And in many ways, it still does.

But that’s okay.

I don’t want to be the same. I want to be changed.

By having loved Esther. And by continuing to love her.


Today, new So Loved tees are being printed up.

Over 300 of them.

And while the thought of having to pack these up and send them out made me cringe in those first few days after Esther’s passing, I feel differently now.

To me, they are a beautiful, bittersweet reminder of Esther.


And how truly LOVED she was.

And always will be.

Thank y’all, for being a part of this. It has blessed me in more ways than I can count.


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05.25.11 · Esther, so loved 25

Comments

  1. Rachel Stahley says

    May 25, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    Stefanie-
    I was thinking the same thing. I can’t wait to get my t-shirt and whenever I wear it I will think of sweet Esther’s face and how it is absolutely glowing now that she is sitting on Jesus’ lap!

    Reply
  2. Stephanie says

    May 25, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    Thinking of sweet Esther and praying for you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  3. Learning to abandon says

    May 25, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    What beautiful shirts! Praying for your family as the Spirit leads/

    Reply
  4. Suzanne Rowe says

    May 25, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    YOU have blessed us by sharing your story, Esther’s story and how God is still writing HIS story.

    Continuing to pray and hold you up,
    Suzanne

    Reply
  5. ellie says

    May 25, 2011 at 6:07 PM

    I was wearing my “So Loved” t-shirt last night – and thinking of sweet Esther and how she was “so very loved”. – so those t-shirts are doing a mighty work in many of our hearts – reminding us of how precious each and every child is. and how we MUST do whatever we can to help them get their life-saving surgeries! and bring them home AND help others bring them home!

    Your Esther fulfilled an amazing destiny in her short, precious little life. I know I will be reminded every.single.time I wear the “So Loved” t-shirt.

    xo ellie

    Reply
  6. Jennifer says

    May 25, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    Yep, the other day I pulled my out of the wash and my mind went directly to your sweet girls, both of them. Whenever I see or wear my shirt I will remember your girls and your Esther and lift her up in my prayers. ๐Ÿ™‚ Much love!

    Reply
  7. Shay Gerritsen says

    May 25, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    Stephanie,
    I just logged on today to see what y’all have been up to for the past couple of weeks, and I AM SO SORRY to hear about sweet Esther!! When you said that about missing her even though you’d never met her, I knew EXACTLY what you meant. I lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks several years ago & that was the same feeling I had. And when the baby girl I was praying for on the Russian orphan database earlier this year was no longer on the database, I knew it meant she had a home, but it also meant it wasn’t my home, so I missed her, too. It’s a kind of heartache that is difficult to explain. Esther’s story is such an amazing one, and it will be in my heart for a long time…
    Prayers and hugs for your whole family!!
    Shay

    Reply
  8. Amy says

    May 25, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    Stephanie, I’m planning to take my So Loved tee to China this summer when we adopt our little one. I will wear it with honor, knowing it symbolizes the love that our Father has for Esther and for each of us. God bless you!! โ™ฅ

    Reply
  9. Ashley says

    May 25, 2011 at 9:58 PM

    I wore mine today and everywhere (I am not kidding) I went someone said, “I love your shirt.” They are a sweet reminder of Esther
    Blessings, Ashley

    Reply
  10. Connie says

    May 25, 2011 at 11:19 PM

    Sweet friend, ‘bittersweet’ is the word that keeps ringing in my heart too. Every time I wear my So Loved tee, I am reminded of your precious Esther. Thank you, Jesus, for changing us because of Esther!
    Love you, Sister!

    Reply
  11. Kim says

    May 26, 2011 at 2:25 AM

    Some how the beautiful tshirt, the message, and the verse are all the more meaningul now. We will never forget your daughter Esther and how the story of God leading your family to her changed our faith.
    Love & Blessings from Hong Kong,
    Kim

    Reply
  12. Carleen Roberts says

    May 26, 2011 at 2:36 AM

    I am wearing my beautiful t-shirt right now and telling others about sweet Esther!! Still praying for you and so glad you were able to share with us about her.

    Reply
  13. tish says

    May 26, 2011 at 2:49 AM

    we pray for you every morning!!!

    Reply
  14. M3 says

    May 26, 2011 at 5:28 AM

    Aw sweetie, I think about you, your family, and Esther so often. I feel like I don’t know what to say, so am just sending love.

    Reply
  15. Aus says

    May 26, 2011 at 3:54 PM

    You’re welcome Stef – but we’re the ones that are Blessed!

    Hugs – aus and co.

    Reply
  16. Annie says

    May 26, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    Oh Stef! You are amazing! I am sending much much love! I think about you so often and am praying for you all still!

    Reply
  17. elisabeth says

    May 27, 2011 at 1:06 AM

    I look forward to receiving my shirt and wearing it as a symbol of so many awesome things! Thinking of you and your family and praying for you. Stephanie I want you to know that your journey to Esther has inspired me so much! God has used it to work in my heart. We are in the process of adopting a little girl from China and we don’t yet know what her “special need” will be, reading about your journey to your sweet angel has moved me into a place where I could take that leap and welcome a baby with a heart problem. When I look at these faces, I can’t help but ask myself, what possible excuse or reason could I have to say no? Thank you for your faithfulness and wonderful example.
    May God richly bless you and all of your beautiful children

    Reply
  18. Ruby says

    May 29, 2011 at 12:11 AM

    Caroline Ingalls used to say, “There’s no great loss without some small gain”, as you have discovered. Sometimes it just takes a while to figure out what it might be.

    Ruby

    Reply
  19. Leslie says

    June 4, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    Can we still order a shirt??? I had gone to the site a few times right before you posted you had run out. I was having major computer and internet issues and kept getting error messages. I REALLY WANT A shirt and I also would be honored to in some very small way be a part of your journey to Poppy and will always remember your Esther, especially when I see the shirts.

    Have you seen how many people are wearing them on Metcha Days???!!! I have seen two or three already! I just love it that your shirts are already on the ground in China. Now that is BIG and oh how Big our God is.

    Thinking of your Stefanie as you wait and as you grieve. {{{HUG}}}

    Reply
  20. Amy says

    June 6, 2011 at 4:21 AM

    I would LOVE to get a So Loved shirt! I missed them the first time around. Can we still get one, if so, HOW??? Thanks! Praying for you and your family!

    Amy

    Reply
    • NiHaoYall says

      June 6, 2011 at 1:28 PM

      Hey Amy,
      I am working on sending out the pre-ordered So Loved tees right now. As soon as those are all shipped out (hopefully this week!) I’ll post about any leftover tees.
      Thanks for asking ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  21. Michelle says

    June 10, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    I would love a So Loved shirt for my daughter (size 4) and myself (M) if you have any remaining! Please let me know if you do and how to make the donation. Prayers!

    Reply
  22. Chantel says

    June 22, 2011 at 9:21 PM

    I recieved my So Loved tee today and I will wear it with honor and love for your dear Esther. I lost my first son when I was 40 weeks pregnant. with him. I know what it feels like to long, plan, and hope so badly for a child, only to have that child jump in line to heaven. I will be thinking of you.

    Reply
  23. Allie says

    July 31, 2011 at 11:06 PM

    So how do I get one of the “So Loved” tees? I’d love to have one!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    I am so sorry about esther! She looks like an adorable little girl and I know she’s in a much better place now ๐Ÿ™‚
    Say Ni Hao to poppy for me! I hope she gets more smiles on her face soon!
    Say “poppy xรฌao” and smile. I think it might make her smile..or even laugh ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • NiHaoYall says

      July 31, 2011 at 11:48 PM

      Hey Allie!
      They are available at WildOlivetees.com
      Just click here and it will take you to the page ๐Ÿ™‚
      http://store.wildolivetees.com/so-loved-p324.aspx

      Reply

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I'm Stefanie. Wife to one, mom to 13. Occasional blogger and t-shirt maker. Wannabe photographer and exerciser. Constant grace-needer and orphan advocator. more
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