This is the third post in a 14-week study we are working through. More information and resources can be found here.
A quick note to those of y’all who are not participants:
– Please read along as we go through the study chapter by chapter, and contemplate the questions we’ll be tackling. It’s gonna be good!
– We will be utilizing the comment section as a forum for discussion for the participants only. I respectfully ask – if you are not participating – that you refrain from commenting on the Reason for God posts, simply to help keep things well… simple.
– We have an incredible group of women representing various ages, faith backgrounds and life experiences – I hope you’ll check out all they have to say.
It is my prayer that the participants, as well as those of y’all who will be reading along, will contemplate your own faith and understanding of God in a new, and more purposeful way.
The biggest problem Keller says for most non-believers is the existence of evil and suffering in the world. A long-standing argument against God is, If there is a God, and He is good, how could He allow pointless evil? The subtle premise in this statement is that their definition of “pointless” = “pointless to me“. Keller describes it as, “…we see lurking withing hard-nosed skepticism an enormous faith in one’s own cognitive faculties…. This is blind faith of a high order.”
Keller uses the example of Joseph – and the multiple years he spent in slavery and prison prior to his ascension to unimaginable power – to demonstrate our flawed and minimal understanding of good and evil. In the midst of Joseph’s trials, all we would see would be a person suffering undeserved evil and years of torment for no rhyme nor reason. Because of the historical perspective provided in the Bible, we see that God used these trials and tribulations to not only redeem all the years Joseph had lost, but to use him to save an entire nation from the worst famine in Egyptian history.
“If you have a God great and transcendent enough to be mad at because he hasn’t stopped evil and suffering in the world, then you have (at the same moment) a God great and transcendent enough to have good reasons for allowing it to continue that you can’t know. Indeed, you can’t have it both ways.” [p.25]
The very entity that people deny because of suffering and evil is the same God of Christianity who identifies most with suffering and evil. In Christianity, God became man and suffered the same ills, pains and sorrows that define human experience. And finally, He suffered a separation from His Father that we cannot comprehend. Prior to His crucifixion, Jesus maintained a perfect unity with the Father that existed from the beginning (see John 1 and Genesis 1:26). The fact that He was willing to suffer the agony of that lost fellowship not only demonstrates His abundant love for us but reveals His first-hand experience with suffering. Jesus is not an unaffected being without human understanding. Jesus’ separation for the Father was “… eternally unbearable.” [p.29]
New Testament scholar Bill Lane says of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Jesus came to be with the Father for an interlude before his betrayal, but found hell rather than heaven opened before him, and he staggered.” [p.30] Jesus’ cries on the cross of “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” are cries of profound intimacy and reflect how deeply the loss of relationship with God affected Him. His final words were not reflective of His physical pain, but of His spiritual agony.
“God takes our misery and suffering so seriously that He was willing to take it on Himself.” [p.31]
But knowing that God suffered with us and for us is still not enough for many. They want to know that there is a reason and a purpose for the injustice of their suffering. They want a remedy so that others will not have to endure the same. Christianity reveals there is an ultimate justice: “The Biblical view of things is resurrection — not a future that is just a consolation for the life we never had but a restoration of the life you always wanted.” [p.32] Keller explains Christianity is unique because the God we serve experienced suffering and evil personally. And through His resurrection, He conquered both completely, leading to ultimate joy and peace through belief in Him.
Question: Can you remember a time when you endured suffering or experienced evil that – in time – you realized God used for good?
My response: Absolutely. My earliest memory of suffering was over the divorce of my parents. Because my father left my mom and two sisters right after I was born, I had no memory of us ever being a “family”. But once I was old enough to understand, I grieved. And I remember praying, as hard as any 6 year old can, that God would somehow reunite us. By then my mom had remarried a man that stepped into the position of father lovingly, but firmly. And when his parenting didn’t meet my pint-sized expectations, the prayers began again in earnest.
Looking back, I am honestly grateful that I my father left us. I am grateful that he left when I came home from the hospital. Because my father – as much as I loved him – was an extremely flawed man. Selfish, lazy, irresponsible, overindulgent, irreligious. My step-father, in contrast, was a noble man. A man of integrity and honor. Hard-working, selfless and disciplined. Not perfect, but in his honoring of my mother and her three young daughters, he proved to be exactly what we needed at the time. He fathered us well and, despite the fact that he had three biological children, he loved all six of us equally.
I like to think that his parenting impacted me as much, if not more, than my genetics. He taught us, by example, that biology has nothing to do with parenting. And that – as a mother to 7 beloved children who do not carry my genetic code – is a lesson for which I am eternally grateful.
Here is the button for the participants who will be linking up to the study. Grab the code, paste it into your Reason for God post and link up below.
Lisa Murphy says
I feel like this question is so easy to answer, for once! As you know, Stefanie, our son Daniel passed away three years ago. It was devastating for us, but we know God is good. So how else does one explain that our son waited for a family for two years, only to be given just four months with us before he was taken to his eternal resting place?
And from our family’s perspective, how does one rationalize the wait we endured to meet him, and the agonizing process to adopt him and travel halfway across the world to bring him into our family only to lose him four months later?
I think that’s when real faith kicks in. That’s our saving grace.
And the good that’s come from our suffering is just beginning to unfold. The Holy Spirit prompted me to write a book to preserve Daniel’s story and keep him alive. And the Lord commanded that we go back! So, because of Daniel and our obedience to say yes to His plan, we now have our son Charlie to love. Daniel will always be an important part of our family, and our work continues to share him with others and to try to make a difference in his name. I am thankful that God IS using me for good, and I so enjoy trying to please HIM!!! 🙂
I totally related to this chapter, and I’m sure most of us–if not all of us–can, since no one is immune from pain and suffering. As Keller demonstrates through examples, I believe it’s part of HIS plan to draw us closer.
tish says
Lisa, my sympathies on your loss of sweet Daniel…and I rejoice over the perspective God has given you in it! Will the book be published soon?
Lisa Murphy says
Hi Tish! Thank you for your sympathies and your encouragement:) I self published my book last August. It is called With an Open Heart. I have a website and FB page if you’d like to check it out:! http://www.withanopenheartbook.com
Blessings:)
Lisa
amy says
Lisa…I just visited your site and read the story about your precious Daniel. I cannot imagine the depth of your loss. You have chosen a beautiful way to honor his life and be a bright light for Christ. My God continue to use your story to bring hope and healing to others.
Lisa Murphy says
Oh, Amy…thank you SO much for your kind words. I am his Mama…always…and it is my job to keep him alive! He was such a precious gift from God, and I PRAY that our story does exactly what you said, bring hope and healing to others:) God bless:)
tish says
thank you! will do!
tish says
Lisa, do you mind if we share your website on our FB pages? Daniel…his face…so precious.
Lisa Murphy says
Tish, not at all! In fact, I would greatly appreciate sharing Daniel’s story. It is the only way that he can continue weaving his way through this world. Share away, my friends!!!
Brandi says
Thank you for sharing this. I think about how many times I’ve whined because no matter how I prepared, I had certain expectations of bringing Jack home that were never met. In fact they would be impossible to meet. I couldn’t imagine going through all you did only to be separated from your son through death. I needed that little jolt of perspective. Bless you for blessing others.
Lisa Murphy says
Brandi, it truly was a jolt of perspective for our family. It felt so cruel that all of us would go through so much only to lose him, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, and those four months we had together literally felt like years!! Thanks for your kind words, and I hope and pray that Daniel’s story will indeed bless others:)
Connie J says
When I think of suffering and beauty rising from ashes, I always think of Joseph (Gen 30-50)…and Jesus.
It is a natural tendency to ask “Why?” when tragedy strikes. I’ve even heard, “How could that happen to her? She’s such a good person!”
In all the suffering that Joseph endured, his response was more like, “How can I most glorify God in light of my present circumstances?” He didn’t pout or whine. He grew through affliction. Clearly, human hands meant harm for Joseph, repeatedly. But God had other plans. Joseph had dreams, but he couldn’t see the future to know he would ultimately rule Egypt.
When it comes to ‘good,’ there is no one better than Jesus! He was beaten and murdered on a cross. If there is one person who is ‘good enough’ to escape tragedy, it is Jesus!
And so…if God was willing to take such suffering upon Himself, I recognize that I am not exempt from pain and suffering. In my limited vision I cannot always see the meaning, but in my tiny faith I know He will be glorified.
The most painful thing I’ve endured was when someone very close to me rejected the idea of us adopting the first time, and then rejected our child. Rejection came in the form of hurtful words and actions, spoken in front of our child. I tried to blow it off; I tried to extend grace; I tried talking it out. Ultimately, in an effort to protect all my children from such hatred, I gave an ultimatum: stop the hatred or you can no longer see my family. Heartbreak followed the pain. Within a few months, I was so convicted of turning my back on this person. Of course, I didn’t feel my children needed to be exposed to the pain, but I did believe I had walked out on my promise to God: to be a witness for Him and love the unlovely. I made a surprise visit, alone, to see this person to begin the restoration process. Oh.my.goodness, it was hard. But I was reminded of how much grace God extends to me, moment by moment. All the hurt I cause Him, and He patiently pursues me, flaws and all.
Within months, our relationship was fully restored, this person very dear to me apologized and loved all my children. And 5 years ago, this person accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. To God be glory!!!
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Cor 4:17
Teresa says
– “When it comes to ‘good,’ there is no one better than Jesus! He was beaten and murdered on a cross. If there is one person who is ‘good enough’ to escape tragedy, it is Jesus!”
What a powerful statement! That really got my attention. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
tish says
love it all, Connie!
Savi says
That is a wonderful story of redemption. I cannot help but ask why when terrible things happen. And I think that’s okay, and part of why we ask is because we truly do not understand why such things happen, and we simply cannot. After all, wouldn’t we all be God is we could understand everything He does? I think the wonder is all part of His glory.
Angie says
Just a couple of years ago, our family lived out the prodigal son story, except for us, it was a prodigal daughter. This particular daughter has always been spirited and has pushed her boundaries. But, when she was 17, almost 18, she went on her way, against the wishes of her parents. This was a very trying time for our family as a whole and as individuals.
My husband and I were blessed to have a Godly counselor to help us through this time because my feelings were too raw and I would have mishandled everything because I was so hurt. Through the counseling and prayer and reflections, I realized that one reason I was having such a hard time (in addition to seeing my daughter making really bad choices) was because I found a large part of my identity in being a mom. And because my daughter was making bad choices and being wayward, it directly affected my identity. Thankfully, God taught me that I didn’t need to work hard at being anything to get my identity; I needed to find my identity in being His child. And as a child of God, I would of course love my husband and children. But, my day would not hinge on how loving my husband or children were, in return.
I am happy to report that the prodigal daughter has returned! She, also, learned a ton of lessons and is so much more mature and responsible and, I’m extremely happy to report, closer to her heavenly Father!
It was an extremely hard journey for us to take. But, we are all better for it, now.
tish says
beautiful story! thanks for sharing so honestly…i think many of us seek our identity in our families, rather than in Christ. praise God for His long suffering with us!
Lisa Murphy says
I love all of these stories. I love hearing these great perspectives and ways in which the Lord uses suffering to bring us closer!
Ruby Hughes says
I’m glad your story had a happy ending. I had a similar story and went through the same torment. God took care of it, he is back and our relationship is better. I really had to let go and let God. I’m getting better at doing that!
NiHaoYall says
Oh goodness, I imagine that was so very painful, Angie. But what a beautiful ending – your daughter returned and you learned to lean on and find your identity in Him!
Chris says
In light of yesterday’s tragedy in Oklahoma, many will be asking the same questions of how and why a loving God can allow this to happen. Though we do not know, it was imperative that we rest in the knowledge that He loved us so much that He turned His back on his own Son so we could be redeemed. The tough times make us ask questions but the tough times also give us the most honest answers.
tish says
Yes! And it is comforting to know that we don’t have to know exact answers…we can point them to the One who has comforted us in our times of suffering.
Lisa Murphy says
Amen, Chris!
Laura Joy says
I was having similar thoughts – difficult time for sure!
Amy says
Infertility. Talk about suffering. For 5 years, my husband and I endured the monthly disappointment of not getting pregnant. We had tests. We tracked cycles. “Nothing is wrong with either of you” we were told multiple times. Friends were having babies. Relatives were having babies. Yet we were empty. Why wouldn’t God fill the desire of our hearts? Why, God, why?? 10 years after our marriage, and more than 5 years of trying to get pregnant, God answered: ADOPTION. Oh.my.word. YES, Lord! Our infertility was redeemed! Our despair was redeemed! Our suffering was redeemed! And now we have not 1, but 2 precious children through adoption, and we may be going back to China for #3. God has strengthened our faith through infertility/adoption, and I believe He has used our suffering to touch the lives of others for His glory.
I know that not all suffering is relieved in this life. And I know that not all suffering has a “happy” ending like ours. But I am encouraged by Keller’s words in chapter 2:
“The answer of Christianity to that question is –yes. Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will
somehow be greater for having once been broken and lost.”
“This is the ultimate defeat of evil and suffering. It will not only be ended but so radically vanquished that what
has happened will only serve to make our future life and joy infinitely greater.”
We have evidence of that from Christ’s own suffering. He wasn’t left dead in a forsaken tomb. God didn’t leave him in hell. He raised Christ from the dead and seated Him at His own right hand. Victory!
More recently–why such suffering in Oklahoma? Why so many children killed? While I don’t have an answer to that, I have faith that God can bring life out of death and hope out of tragedy. Maybe people will come to salvation in Christ because of what happened in OK. God is good. This I know.
“If you have a God great and transcendent enough to be mad at because he hasn’t stopped evil and suffering in the world, then you have (at the same moment) a God great and transcendent enough to have good reasons for allowing it to continue that you can’t know.”
Amy
tish says
we, too, had “unexplained infertility”…but we see it as a gift with which to glorify God! congratulations on 3!
emily says
wow— a gift with which to glorify God— THAT is an amazing testimony– I hope that through that people have seen God through your attitude– b/c that just radiated God!!!
Lisa Murphy says
Amazing what can happen when we let go and let God! So happy your found your way through the doldrums of infertility, Amy! And it sounds like you’ve been incredibly blessed!!
Jan says
Now that I’m middle aged (ugh!) , I’ve been around long enough to witness suffering first hand and through others I’ve come in contact with. Working as a therapist in a rehab hospital, I’ve witnessed lives turned around for good after devastating injuries. 2 young men in particular come to mind who, after being paralyzed told me how their lives were better than before their accidents. They had been heavily involved with drugs, but left that lifestyle behind after their injuires, and were reunited with family members.
While I still don’t have the answers, or see the final outcome of many of the trials my family and others have gone through, the words of one of Laura Story’s songs ring so true to me -(paraphrasing) how the trials of this world reveal a thirst within us that this world can’t satify. – a longing to be with our Father and leave the things of this world behind.
tish says
i will have to check out Laura…those lyrics sound great!
Lisa Murphy says
Wow, Jan–such amazing testimonies of being saved through suffering. I’m sure many of us can identify.
NiHaoYall says
What a unique perspective you have because of your profession, Jan. God’s ways truly are higher than our ways.
Thank you for sharing 🙂
Erin says
First off, thank the good Lord for the hope found in this chapter: “This means that every horrible thing that ever happened will not only be undone and repaired but will in some way make the eventual glory and joy even greater.” What a profound and unbelievable hope, and when you have to answer a question about suffering, it is good to be reminded first of the final outcome. I always take great comfort in knowing that the final chapter has been written, and I know what it says!
As for personal suffering, it’s pretty easy to narrow the field to the most piercing of experiences. Two years ago, we adopted our third child, a baby girl. Oh, the joys of introducing Nadia to her brother and sister, of holding her and singing to her, of being the one who calms the cries. But, in a tragic stroke of legal maneuvering, we had to give her back… in a mall parking lot… with about five minutes of notice to say goodbye. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain of handing my child over…
As I sat in church the next morning, we were studying through the book of Philippians, and I was struck by this verse: “Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted…”
This is what I wrote on my own blog that day about the verse:
“A lot of time is spent in the New Testament talking about “rejoicing” amidst trouble or heartache or persecution. And, to be honest, it hasn’t always made sense to me. I could reserve it for the spiritually elite, the Paul the Apostles of the world. And there was part of me that didn’t understand because I didn’t feel like I had truly suffered. And, in light of many in the world, I still haven’t, but I get this little excerpt from Philippians in a whole new way.
You see, there is plenty of space in the Bible that talks about how suffering produces Christ-like character. And there are plenty of places in society that laud suffering for a similar result: the classic “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” argument. But, I am here to say that those reasons aren’t enough for me in light of yesterday. I’m not saying that they aren’t great by-products to suffering for me, but they weren’t the sole purpose in yesterday.
Yesterday, was about the fact that God–in His amazing compassion–met us in the most dire of circumstances. It was about how God knows all about what giving up a child feels like. And that truth alone helps my suffering rise out of the ashes and gives it purpose.
Because if that verse in Philippians ended with the part about my deliverance, I still would have gathered solace. But, thankfully it doesn’t end there. It goes on to tell me that with courage and boldness, Christ can be exalted, lifted high, and made known. And that helps me–even with the sadness–see my suffering as suffering with purpose.”
So, now, two years from that tragedy, it’s easy to see the good that comes: my one-year-old son. He would have never been a part of our family, and he is supposed to be… but, even more than that, I have a God who uses my suffering for His glory (little ol’ me). He doesn’t need my suffering to glorify Himself. He doesn’t even need me. But, He chooses to use us, which is an act of unbelievable love and deep trust!
What a great solace in knowing that, as Keller points out, the story isn’t over—restoration is coming!
tish says
oh, erin…i cheered at the end of this!!!! yes, restoration is coming!
Lisa Murphy says
Thank you, Erin, for sharing such a beautiful story!!!!
Amy says
Oh Erin, I can’t imagine the pain of giving back your baby. So glad you can see and hold God’s plan!
Blessings!
Brandi says
Erin, beautiful story and perspective of redemption. Amazing that He chooses to use us (me.) Thank you.
Brandi says
This was a difficult chapter for me. In my suffering I’ve always been able to rationalize the good that comes out or even to think, what could have happened instead might have been worse. My only brother died three months ago at 36. I couldn’t imagine why God would allow it to happen the way it happened. My mother was visiting me. She was on her way home from a fabulous Hawaiian vacation alone. Because my brother worked and died at a university it was all over Facebook. We had to call her at the airport while she waited on a flight delay to tell her that her baby had died. It was simply awful and to some degree it still is.
Still all that we’ve been through, I’ve lost grandparents, a parent, a later term miscarriage losing a daughter I so desperately wanted, and a brother. I can see that God’s plan might have been to save me more suffering. Suffering that I might not be able to bare. In the end, through questioning and even sometimes doubting, I think it draws me nearer to Him.
tish says
brandi…i am so sorry. i cannot imagine the pain of calling your mom with that news. i, too, have lost a grandparent, parent and a wanted baby and have also wondered your thoughts. praise God that His ways are always in pure and perfect love, and He redeems terrible situations for His glory and our good.
Brandi says
Amen.
Erin says
What insight in the midst of loss… to recognize that by God allowing you to suffer… He might be saving you from greater suffering. That’s powerful and full of mercy!
Brandi says
Thank you Erin.
Lisa Murphy says
Brandi, so sorry to hear of all those significant losses in a short time:( I absolutelyI love your perspective.
Amy says
Brandi,
I don’t have the words. I am so sorry. I have been on the receiving end of one of those phone calls and my brother has commented several times about the pain it caused him to have to share tragic news like that.
I am blown away by your perspective! It shows such faith and strength. Thank you for sharing. It has encouraged me more than you could know.
tish says
Stefanie, as I was reading through your summary, I was reminded of Packer’s chapter “The Heart of the Gospel”…such amazing love.
Since reading Piper’s “Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ,” I have longed and prayed to genuinely treasure Jesus…to love my God above everything else. Fifteen months ago, we brought home our second son (adopted at 6 1/2 months old) and, for about 13 of those months, I did not sleep…because he did not sleep. It is getting better but, for about the first 6 months, he woke every 20 mins or so unless I was sitting straight up rocking him. Long days and longer nights took a toll on everyone in our home, especially me. During that time, God started revealing the darkness of my heart (obviously not all as I am sure we could not bear to see how evil our hearts really are)…the selfishness, the lack of love, the desire to control my life rather than follow Him, etc. I kept thinking, “God, you are sovereign over babies sleeping, why will you not cause this baby to sleep?” I wanted everything back to comfortable, where loving is easy. God, in His great wisdom and grace, did not bless me with sleep; instead He blessed me with Himself…He who is greater than any gift He could give us no matter what our circumstances.
I used to think that I was a good person…I tried hard to be nice to people and left good tips at restaurants and paid my bills on time. But that thinking didn’t grow my love for Jesus. It has only been since starting to see my own brokenness and sinfulness — and that we aren’t really as “good” as we think — that I have come to treasure the One who suffered as He bore the wrath for my sins. Because I see the depths of His suffering and the great good it yielded, I trust that He is both sovereign over and good in all of my trials.
Brandi says
Tish, I can totally relate. I’ve said many times that there was nothing like bringing home a severely delayed child to show me how selfish and sinful I really am. It is awful to see how bad but I think I needed to see that to see how much more Jesus did for me. Well said.
tish says
thanks, brandi…so nice to have fellowship in the sorrows and in the rejoicing!
Suzette says
This was beautiful – thank you for sharing that!
emily says
so been there– when we adopted our first– i saw my own selfishness and only then did i truly begin to appreciate God’s grace and forgiveness– the breadth of which i just cannot grasp.
Michele Yoder says
I am happy you shared. Ten months ago my husband and I brought home our 2 twin daughters from China and since then we have not slept. Hours upon hours of screaming day and night. I have told him multiple times that I was done, how I screwed up our family by wanting to adopt. It has gotten a little better during the day, at least we can control the temper tantrums but I dread nights. I have asked God to soften my heart and help me show the girls how much I love them and not show them how angry I am because I am not getting sleep. I have talked to so many other people who have adopted and no one can relate to 10 months of screaming nights. At least now I feel like I am not the only one out there. Thanks for sharing, I am going to copy and paste your words on my desktop to remind me there is hope.
tish says
oh, michelle, at one point i was even feeling like “oh, this is my cross to bear…blah, blah, blah”…and i was convicted about the fact that i know NOTHING of the suffering that Christ endured on my behalf. yes, humanly, the sleep deprivation (and then dealing with miserably tired kids) is agonizing, but if God has allowed it, we can trust that His allowance of it is in total and perfectly pure love for us.
may those babies start sleeping soon and, until then, may God strengthen you and make firm your feeble knees!
NiHaoYall says
Reminds me of this verse from Isaiah:
Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.”
NiHaoYall says
You always bless me with your perspective, Tish.
Honestly, I cannot imagine the sort of person I’d be if I were sleep deprived for months on end… no doubt that would reveal the very blackest and most selfish corners of my heart.
LOVE your insight, “God, in His great wisdom and grace, did not bless me with sleep; instead He blessed me with Himself…He who is greater than any gift He could give us no matter what our circumstances.”
He is WORTHY to be trusted in ALL THINGS!
Stephanie says
My struggle, like Amy’s, was also infertility. My husband was always ready to adopt (because he never had a relationship with his father, he has two men in his life who have “fathered” him, so adoption has always made sense to him). It took me two years of prayer for me to realize that adoption is what God has planned for us. About a year into the process (that has taken 2 years) God told me, “you didn’t get pregnant because your child is waiting for you in China.” Oh my!! Now we are in the process of waiting to receive our travel dates to go bring our son, Abram, home this summer. We absolutely cannot wait!! God is so good and faithful! And, even though we haven’t brought Abram home yet, we are already discussing the adoption of our second child.
However, even though I do believe that God uses ALL struggles and suffering, we aren’t promised to see the reason while here on earth. I love what Keller said, “Christianity does not provide the reason for each experience of pain, it provides deep resources for actually facing suffering with hope and courage rather than bitterness and despair” (page 28). I cannot possibly understand how non-Christians face suffering without having hope in Jesus.
I had the privilege of attending an adoption retreat in April and Jody Landers was one of the speakers. The theme of her talk was a quote by Fredrick Buechner. It said, “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” She said she was going to categorize the events in her life into the beautiful and terrible things, but she couldn’t. When she stepped back to look at everything God had turned the terrible into beautiful. I just LOVE that about the God we serve. He makes beautiful things!!
NiHaoYall says
Yes, He does make beautiful things! And it is so worth remembering that we should not expect to understand everything this side of heaven… that is where faith comes in. Really good point, Stephanie.
And YAY for little Abram coming home! So excited for y’all 🙂
ann says
There have been many times of suffering in my life that were so painful at the time that I did not know how I would get through minute to minute. The worst was having a baby that died at birth. It was at that time that my relationship with God began to grow to a different level. I felt His presence so viscerally during that loss. I went on to have one more child a few years later that I would probably not have had and she is a wonderful young adult now. Years later I adopted 3 more wonderful children. I have had many other periods of sadness and suffering..parent’s death, divorce, adult children with problems.. Each new trial has drawn me closer to God. It also has given me more empathy and understanding of other people’s trials. I have learned to be much less judgemental and more tolerant than I was in earlier years.
I once heard an analogy of our lives and journey with God as a tapestry. When you look at the bottom of it , the colors are dull, there are loose threads and knots: but when it is finished and you turn it over you can see the beautiful bright colors and picture that it became.
tish says
loved this: Each new trial has drawn me closer to God. It also has given me more empathy and understanding of other people’s trials. I have learned to be much less judgemental and more tolerant than I was in earlier years.
NiHaoYall says
I am so sorry for such an incredible loss, Ann. What a testimony to His goodness that He was so very close to you during that time. I think so much of sensing His presence during trials and suffering is whether we harden our hearts toward Him or not. What a blessing that your heart has remained so soft to Him, despite your hardships!
Savi says
So far in my life, the hardest thing I have had to deal with was an (emotionally) abusive relationship with my mother. I have a hard time calling it that, but that is what it was. For a while I dealt with it, and tried my best to get through the days when I was with my mom, as my parents had 50/50 joint custody, but eventually the strain started to spread out into nearly every area of my life, from dealing with routine school stress to eroding friendships. At the time, when everything really pushed over the top, it seemed like everything in my life was crumbling all at once. Now, I see that time as the beginning of a fresh start. I lost several friends in the process, but now I can see that they weren’t really the sort of friends that were good for me anyway. I gradually shifted to living more and more with my dad, and eventually all the time. At the same time, I learned how to relate to my mom in a healthier way and I slowly healed from the trauma of those months. Now, my mom and I are finally beginning to have a normal relationship, where we can meet up for ice cream, chat about life, do a bit of arm wrestling, and leave without a single fight or insult thrown. I am also so much stronger for it and have developed healthier and stronger relationships with so many friends. I have seen God move mountains in my life in powerful ways and feel so much closer to Him, and know that true good came from all the hardship.
tish says
amen!
NiHaoYall says
It sounds like you grew in many ways you might not have because of that incredibly difficult relationship with your mom. So good to hear that you are able to see the blessings and that your relationship to Him has only grown closer 🙂
Brandy says
as a family doctor I have had many conversations with patients who have received terrible news and in counseling families on making a decision for their family member whose life is coming to an end. it is never easy but the patients and families who have the Lord consistently struggle through these decisions with a peace and restfulness that is in sharp contrast to those who do not.
having worked in very modern hospitals to a clinic with bare cement walls and bamboo sticks for IV poles, one thing is consistent in suffering: the peace that passes all understanding.
honestly, the “why” in suffering seems too difficult to contemplate with each occurrence, be it personal or news involving others. I simply choose to believe, to rest in God’s promise of eternity, and to take action to lessen the suffering for others in any way I can, as is my calling.
tish says
may i ask where you worked with the bamboo IV sticks?
Brandy says
why, yes, I was in Ghana.
tish says
wow! did you blog about your time there?
NiHaoYall says
The peace that comes from Him is truly beyond comprehension. What a first-hand witness you have been able to be to that, Brandy.
Suzette says
I absolutely loved this chapter of the book. And I am loving the stories everyone has written above! I love the stories of an earthly circumstance being used for God’s ultimate good. But what I loved even more in this chapter is the last part where Keller talks about the restoration in heaven. That was such an eye-opener for me. I always figured heaven would be a wonderful place but I never saw it as a place where God would restore us from the disappointments and trials of earth. I have twin boys who are severely autistic and severely mentally handicapped. As I love them and learn from them here on earth, I rejoice in knowing that they will be restored – and so will I.
Amy says
This was the art that spoke most to me as well, Suzette. While my tragedies seem small now there have been many that I felt deeply and carry the scars from. To know that they will be restored back to me as joy, the anticipation gives me goose bumps!
tish says
Yes, Suzette! ANd that brings us joy in these trying days!
Erin says
I agree, Suzette! I’ve never really thought of heaven in those terms either… how loving of God to do that for us… just amazing!
Brandi says
I agree. The restoration in heaven is something that I often don’t consider and it could bring me such joy if I did.
amy says
This part spoke to me as well! The challenges and struggles of this life will only serve to make our future life and joy infinitely greater!
nina says
Oh my goodness. Restoration in heaven makes me able to breathe on earth. You’re so right. I always tell my husband that we’re going to share a mansion in heaven:) Praise God that we will witness the restoring of the things that are so hard on earth.
Mary says
Loved this chapter and the wonderful stories that are being shared! My story of God using suffering for good started in 2001 when I was pregnant with our third child — due April 16, 2002. We had endured years of unexplained infertility prior to the first two and were thrilled to be having another. Sadly, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and we were unable to conceive again. Eventually, we felt God calling us to adoption, and we brought home a beautiful little girl from China in 2005. Just months after coming home, we felt the calling to start the process again and started looking at agency lists. We were immediately drawn to a little boy and requested his file. Any doubt was erased when we saw his birthdate — April 16, 2002! It felt like a hug directly from God! This wonderful child has been home with us now for 7 years, and we have adopted three more since then. As devastating as that loss was, had it not occurred we never would have experienced the blessing of adoption and wouldn’t have these five children who bring so much joy to our lives.
tish says
God is good!
NiHaoYall says
Wow, what a blessing! I cannot imagine how it felt to see that birthdate on that little one’s file 🙂
April says
This is actually a hard question for me, especially after what happened this week in Oklahoma and in Texas. I have had many heartaches, including loss of a grandparent that I was close to, loss of my father, a child born really early, and infertility issues after that birth. The infertility issues brought us to the adoption of two beautiful children and I know we would not have considered adoption without these issues. However it just seems that so many suffer so much more, including the stories you guys have shared. I know God takes us through our own unique journeys and he is there with us through it all. I believe there is great evil and suffering in this world and God uses these for good. It just seems that what I have been through is no different than what many have been through and maybe that is not the point, but I feel my times haven’t been that bad compared to what some are going through. However I do feel that God used the smallest to the biggest situations for good somehow and maybe that is the point. It isn’t how great or small the suffering, it is that He is aways there. Now don’t get me wrong. I feel very blessed to have my son and daughter that I would have never known or felt the love and joy of having and I do feel that that was God’s plan for us. It also has given me a giant heart for the children both here and around the world. It is just tough with so much going on in the world.
tish says
praise God for your optimistic perspective!
NiHaoYall says
It is overwhelming to consider all the suffering in this broken world. I am just so grateful that when we know the character of God, His trustworthiness, His faithfulness, His goodness and His mercy, we can simply rest in NOT having the answers. Because He does.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
— Isaiah 55:8-9
Chris K says
The evil and suffering started so many long years ago. I was tortured by the residuals and memories continuously until a couple of years ago. Good has not come out of the situations, yet. But God is transforming my mind and healing my heart. The pain will be used for good in helping others find hope and heal. One day.
tish says
“But God”…one of my favorite word pairings in the Bible. I also loved that you used the words “yet” and “will be used”…God has given you great faith! WHat a gift!
NiHaoYall says
Was just thinking how the Bible tells us that our suffering will be used by Him to come alongside others who have or are experiencing the same thing. HE will comfort us so we can comfort others. Amazing.
amy says
“Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will somehow be greater for having once been broken and lost”. This line stood out to me in this chapter. I have never thought about heaven in terms of our joy being magnified. What hope there is in knowing that what this side of heaven will only serve to make our future life and joy infinitely greater!!
I have experienced a lot of loss in my life. Loss of my home to a fire, loss of self-worth from an emotionally abusive relationship, loss of a marriage to someone I knew for over 20 years, leaving a job I loved to step out of my comfort zone and follow God’s calling, loss of the dream to have children by natural birth, and financial loss. Yet for every loss, I see God’s hand of redemption.
God has given me an incredible husband who loves the Lord and helped restore a sense of confidence and joy in my soul I had lost. We have experienced the miracle of adoption and are reminded daily of God’s faithfulness and provision for our daughter. Leaving my job allowed me to pursue new passions and gifts that God has given me.
Through every loss, God was preparing me for a greater blessing. I am learning more about the joy of embracing the story God is writing in my life even when it is messy, hard, and pushes me out of my comfort zone.
“You make known to me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy, at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11
Carrie says
The longer I live the more I see suffering as an opportunity that Our Lord takes to draw us closer to Him.
In my own life the times I’ve been the most broken I have witnessed Christ presence with me in the form of peace, kind words and actions from friends and strangers and most importantly a strength that I can only attribute to grace and God in me. So in all suffering he is there. I read Peter Kreeft’s book “making sense out of suffering” many many years ago and it helped me to understand what Keller describes about Christ taking all our pain and suffering on himself.
Knowing that I will never endure a suffering that Christ didn’t get subjected to just reinforces that I am never alone.
And somehow that sharing of suffering helps and I am able to endure. Also, in the worst times I have found so much strength in praying the Stations of the Cross. Those 14 reflections really walk you through every type of suffering and affliction that Jesus endured and when I can see my suffering in His, I glimpse a deeper knowing of my Savior a stronger intimacy with Him.
The other good that comes out of suffering is the compassion that you can feel for others and the truth you can witness to them about the redemption and the joy. To be with someone who is struggling and share my scars with them is blessing and redeems my pain. Something in me is restored by sharing my brokeness.
tish says
beautiful story! beautiful perspective!
Londa says
I still struggle to some degree as to why God allows as much pain and suffering as He does, especially in young children, but it is true, how can we fully appreciate what Christ has done for us or the goodness of God if we didn’t have some experience with both sides. I have to wonder if that isn’t why Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit. They didn’t have a full appreciation of what God had given them in the garden because they hadn’t experienced sin and darkness. But having experienced to some degree pain and suffer, evil and darkness I am truly thankful for the goodness of God and hate the darkenss that lurks around the corner. It certainly keeps me seeking after Him and wanting more of Him.
emily says
i personally have not endured major suffering and hardship– but my adopted kiddos have. 2 of our 4 kiddos from CHina endured major neglect while waiting for a family. our son was locked in a closet because the staff thought his condition was contagious. at the age of 2 when we got him, he was developmentally a 4 month old. God miraculously brought him home months sooner than he should have– and out of that was born the non-profit we now run to improve the conditions in the orphanages in his province. AND because of him, we adopted 2 more boys from that province. having endured the effects of their treatment, i have been able to help others who are in similar situations with their new kiddos. God used their suffering to touch my heart to the orphans from that province– adoption was no longer just a way to complete our family– we became open to many more special needs b/c of our experience with ben– i do truly believe that God does not cause suffering– but, IF we ALLOW it– He can bring good out of it.
Amy says
WOW I love that Emily!
~i do truly believe that God does not cause suffering- but IF we ALLOW it-He can bring good out of it.~
You are so right!
Tishgoff says
What a story of redemption
NiHaoYall says
I had no idea your kiddos were treated so terribly, Emily. Praise God that you were able to bring them home! And that now, He has given you the passion to love and care for others in similar situations.
Truly “beauty from ashes”!
Amy says
As I read everyone’s posts and prayed for all the pain I am so encouraged and thankful that God is so big that we can all feel His love and presence during our trials and on the road to healing.
My greatest tragedy was the loss of my dad 3.5 years ago on a Friday. It was wholly unexpected and though I knew he was sick I thought he was getting better. I had spoken to him on Tuesday afternoon and he answered the phone in a silly voice as he had always done when he knew I was calling…It was a voice I had not heard in some time because he was on oxygen and it took some effort for him to be that silly. On Friday I received the call at noon and to hear my mother screaming in the background and my brother say that my daddy was gone because he had shot himself in the head stopped my world right then and there……After the dust settled I saw a counselor and she urged me to find the blessings in all that had happened. I had had a lovely conversation with my dad that Tuesday. He was upbeat and we laughed a lot. WhenI got the phone call I was at our homeschool co-op, surrounded by the women who know and love me best, my kids were surrounded by their friends who immediately held them, prayed with them and offered comfort that amazes me still today. My husband was working for friends, who kindly and unselfishly said, “don’t worry about the job” (3 weeks before Christmas and he was in the middle of putting in their hardwood floors). There is more but all this to say God knew what was coming and He was there in the midst of it all. Doing everything He could to show Himself to me, loving me with the kind words, prayers and help of my friends.
They say hindsight is 20/20 and I believe that we most glorify Him by seeking out and holding tight to the times when we were lowest but can see that He was there, bringing us beauty from our ashes.
Tishgoff says
Oh, Amy… I cannot imagine the immense pain you have endured. I praise God for the testimony of His love with which He has blessed you. It’s funny bc your words actually made me think of chp 1… And how people think it is arrogant to say that Christ alone is the answer….but really we are just broken people who have gone through difficulties and found Him to truly be THE answer…the love and peace and comfort when nothing makes sense in this hurting world.
NiHaoYall says
I listen to a pastor on podcast who repeatedly reminds his congregation that our lives can change completely with a single phone call. And yours did. What heartbreak! But such loving-kindness from our Lord to allow you to hear those words when surrounded by such loving arms. He is good.
nina says
My suffering came from something that I expected to be so beautiful from day one. We adopted our son almost two years ago. The 2 1/2 year wait was so hard, but I knew that it would be over. The day we picked our son up, my suffering began. I felt so disconnected from our son. I felt like I ruined our family. I prayed and prayed, but I felt like I was never further from God. Before our adoption, I felt like my christian walk was amazing. I knew God was a huge part my life. I knew He was faithful to me and I was faithful to Him. It took a really long time for me to feel like God was listening to me after our son came home. I had a lot of anger and I definitely didn’t feel heard by God. Slowly, I started realizing that God was still there, and that He was changing my heart. I have never needed Him more than I do today. I know that when things were easy, I didn’t have needs. Now, I know that I can’t do things alone. I need Him in a very different way.
As I read over everyone else’s suffering, I have a lot of guilt that mine came from such a beautiful thing. I think through my suffering, God reminded me that I definitely am not perfect. Even in my ugliness, God is so faithful.
Amy says
Oh Nina,
It hurt my heart to read of your pain. I felt very distant from God after our daughter came home also.. I suffered silently from depression and like you I had a ton of guilt. Our daughter was beautiful and sweet and although she was bonding her grief was so difficult to deal with at times. I felt like God was a million miles away. I think we all see our selves as less than or ugly, but in that humility there is tremendous power! We are daughters of the King, and in His eyes we are pure and beautiful.
Praying for you!
April says
I also went throught this with our daughter. At first it was wonderful, but after a while I just couldn’t seem to handle the situation and her needs. I felt broken and drowning. I felt so far from God and so very guilty. I felt like I had made a huge mistake too, both for my family and for this precious two year-old. I had a precious daughter, a gift from God and I was too caught up in me to see it. It has been three years and she is such a joy and I can’t imagine life without her. It has been tough and I have had to admit things about me that I didn’t want to, but God is there and was the whole time and He is patient and faithful. Praise God. Praying for you and all those who go through this. God is in control and he sees the outcome and carries us when we don’t think we can go any farther.
tish says
Nina…I could have written those same words. I wake every morning saying, “Jesus, I need You…I really need You!” In parenting, we are learning much about the difference between human love and Christ’s love, aren’t we?
NiHaoYall says
In parenting and in marriage, amen?!
Suzette says
I can really identify with the feelings you went through. Prior to my boys’ diagnosis with autism, I felt that my walk with God was very strong. After diagnosis, I felt like I was just free falling. It has taken several years for God to change my heart and my thoughts about Him and about Christianity – but I feel like I am on the right path. thank you so much for sharing!
NiHaoYall says
I can so relate to both of you, Nina and Suzette. When Isabelle was diagnosed with autism I experienced that same free-fall. I cried all the time. I stopped wearing make-up because I cried it off all the time. I felt so, very ALONE. I shudder to say this, but it’s true – when I was going through that time of doubting God I actually told my husband not to use the word “God” around me. I was that angry and my heart was that hard. Looking back I see that my faith had very shallow roots at that time. It took one trial and my faith was completely uprooted.
Thankfully, God is so patient and SO loving and He gently reminded me of His goodness and His perfect plan for Isabelle. After all, it was God that brought Isabelle to me so I could love her and be her mama. And He showed me that He hadn’t abandoned her or somehow taken something from her, she was who He created her to be! I simply had to TRUST Him and believe that He is true and He is GOOD.
That was the beginning of a whole different kind of “walk” with Him and because of that very difficult time my faith roots go deeper now. It’s a journey, not a destination, right?
Thanks so much for sharing so honestly, ladies 🙂
Suzette says
Wow – Yep, I remember such a long season of crying and crying after my boys’ diagnosis. the middle of the night was the worst – my mind would just fill with anger, blame, sadness and a full on pity-party. I still struggle with all those things but I am so happy that God is showing me a new vision of Himself. I feel like I am rebuilding my faith. thank you for sharing that part of your journey….
Laura Joy says
In is so great to read everyone’s stories and hear how God is faithful through the trials!
I don’t feel as though I’ve experienced too much extreme suffering in my life – Praise the Lord!
I did want to share about something that has happened in my life that was definitely challenging. My parents divorced about 8 years ago.It was a painful time. After 28 years of marriage, my dad decided to walk away. I didn’t understand WHY and wanted it be be fixed. I was very angry at my Dad and when he got involved in another relationship it was as if he didn’t want to even acknowledge his previous life with my mom even existed. I didn’t know how to react to my dad and still show him love. I felt like I was picking sides.
I feel like I’m still working through some of the pain and grief of being in a broken family. My mom is still really hurting from the break up of her marriage and family. My dad is now remarried and I can’t complain, she’s a very sweet and loving woman and it could be a lot worse as far as step-moms go……
Now here’s where God has taught me a lesson and shown me His love and taught me His grace. I am now a step-mom too 🙂 I got married in October and my husband has 2 daughters from his previous marriage. He was only married 3 years and his girls don’t really remember “mom and dad” being together b/c they were so young.
What I have learned though is that even though divorce is ugly, there are times when God has a plan. God knew that I would someday marry my husband and that I would have 2 sweet step daughters to love as my own. This helped me change my perspective towards my own new step-mom. It’s amazing to see how God works and the perfect plan He has for everyone’s life.
Amy says
Laura~
I love it! My oldest son has a step mom and God has worked in both of our lives to show just how awesome He is. She is one of my closest friends and I love her like a sister. She loves my son just as she does her two bio boys and I am thankful everyday that he had her to love him, and keep him in line when I couldn’t be there. Praying your little girls’ mom can appreciate you and your love for them.
Blessings!
NiHaoYall says
Love how He does things like that. Only God can make good out of man’s messes. His plan really IS perfect!
Clara says
My mom’s father raped me when I was 9. While others have had experiences far worse than mine, I was damaged – no question. The Grace of God held me together when I was too young to realize it, too angry & rebellious to acknowledge it, and always when I didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t easy, but always His love nudged me back toward a healthier path – kicking & screaming sometimes, but He has never, ever given up on me. How blessed am I! The positive? I haven’t hurt myself in any lasting ways. I have a good, strong marriage (it’ll be 25 years in a few months) to a husband who loves me, no matter what. What an amazing gift!
This chapter gives me such hope. The line that nearly brought me to my knees it caught me so unawares was, ” …Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will somehow be greater…”
I’m so touched by everyone’s sharing. I feel blessed to be part of this group – your perspectives & comments are inspiring me to dig deeper and “lean in” to a closer relationship with Jesus.
tish says
“The Grace of God held me together when I was too young to realize it, too angry & rebellious to acknowledge it, and always when I didn’t deserve it.”…this is such a strong statement, especially the ending words. Sometimes when we suffer, we can forget that we, too, cause suffering. We look only at the sins against us and forget that we are sinners. Have you ever read this blog: http://stonescry.wordpress.com/my-story/? YOur words made me think of it.
Clara says
Tish, thank you for the link. I hadn’t read it before, but did last evening. Thank you so much for pointing me in that direction. Many things that she wrote touched me – deep, where I don’t often care to look. I don’t remember when last I cried so much. God bless you for your post…I needed it.
tish says
so happy to hear that it was a blessing! we have a non-profit that addresses human trafficking, and her words have been so important to us!
NiHaoYall says
Clara, my heart breaks to read your story. I can’t tell you how glad i am that you decided to join us in this study.
The Lord takes sin against children so personally. Beth Moore teaches some amazing truths on this as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
Praying that the Lord continues to reveal His goodness to you, and that you lean into Him. He alone is worthy!
Clara says
Thank you, Stefanie. I will look up Beth Moore and read some of her books. I’ve spent so many years hiding what happened & never telling anyone; and I KNOW I’ve only come as far as I have solely through the Grace of God, but it’s become apparent to me recently that I still have far to go. I’m open to all resources and grateful for everyone’s prayers.
China Mom says
First let me say my book never came in but Stef suggested I visit the local library. So after a beach trip I caught up with you guys. We are in the process of selling our house and have a contract pending inspection so I will work hard to keep up. Stef did it! I am not near the woman she is however,so at least I will promise to try.
What amazing stories. So sorry for each of the sufferings from each of you. Yet I am amazed at the grace and glory that came out of each situation.
I had a troubled childhood which left me somewhat afraid of men and had a hard time with relationships. I wanted to marry and have a house full of kids yet, year after year went by without a husband and child. I begged God to not leave me childless, I pleaded and bargained with Him. Every relationship ended horribly (if it did not start off that way). Then, through a series of circumstances I became friends with someone at work. First I respected him, then admired him for his integrity, then I found him super funny, then he was my best friend, then before I knew it, I was in love. Since the relationship took so long to form, it was built on trust and friendship. We just celebrated 9 years of marriage!
God did bless me with an amazing man, friend, husband and father. We adopted our precious daughter 4 years ago to form our family of 3. All the suffering from my childhood comes into play with my daughter. Those very hurtful, very horrific events during a vulnerable time in my life as a child, help me parent a child that also has a lot of pain and hurt. I would go through the suffering all over again if it meant that I would have the honor to be the mother of this child and the wife of this man.
tish says
you had me at “beach vacation!”
thanks for sharing such intimate reminders of the blessings that God brings from suffering!
Londa says
I’m kind of in the same boat. We too are in the process of selling our house and have a contract pending. We just had the inspection on Friday and I am waiting on pins and needles to hear what the outcome is and where God is leading us in all of this. We still don’t even know where we are going from here. It has been a very stressful and trying few months and I’m still feeling as though God is keeping me in the dark. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to keep up with the study, but felt I needed to at least try. I have been struggling to some degree in my faith walk and felt this book is just what I need along with my need to stay connected to the body of Christ while I try to figure out exactly where God is callling me to, however I have considered pulling out just because I am unable to study each chapter in depth. I am reading just not always able to take the time to fully grasp the full message. I appreciate that there is no pressure and I can reap from what everyone shares when I have time to read through the testimonies. I have only been abe to read through a few so far, but have been touched by the goodness of God in each case. I have never truly enjoyed the difficulties I have faced in life, but have always felt that God has used those struggles and hurts to help me grow stronger in Him and for that I am thankful for the hard times. I honestly don’t know how people who do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ get through their difficulties. Even now as I struggle to get through this phase of change it is my faith in Christ and His many promises that hold me together. We have faced one set back after another, one disappointment after another, but because of God’s promises I have been able to simply “thank” Him knowing that He is looking after our best interest. It hasn’t been easy, and we’re still not through this, but it is very freeing when I can give it all to Him and not worry about the outcome, however it is a moment by moment decision to do that. Because of my tendency to want to have clear answers I find that I have to keep reminding myself that God has not left me nor forsaken me… He has a plan and it is good, even if I don’t understand or know His plan.
One of the hardest things I face as a parent (and I’m sure you all can relate) is seeing my children suffer. For the past few days one of my baby girls has been awfully sick with strep and for four days, until they got the right medicine, she has suffered horribly and is only just this evening feeling a little better and starting to eat again. I hate that feeling of helplessness in not being able to truly comfort my child. I know God can heal her and yet she suffers. I struggle with why she needs to suffer… she’s just a baby. But either I believe God is a good God or I don’t and I realize my struggles with why God doesn’t act in a way I wish He would I’m saying I know better than Him and I know I don’t, so I try to find a way to rest in His goodness by reminding myself of His faithfulness and how He has always seen us through each difficulty.
I still do not know what all God is doing in this, but I know He is working it all together for our good and it certainly keeps me seeking after Him and His will.
Rachel says
Yesterday as I was reading through the suffering stories of everyone above I was comparing myself to them. That story was much worse, well I’ve gone through that too. I was completely missing the point. I prayed about it and God showed me that it’s not a contest. (duh…sometimes I can be so dense). It’s not about comparing my life to others. So, I should just stop. It’s something I struggle with, no matter how hard I try not to. About a year ago I ended a relationship with an emotionally abusive boyfriend (I could never do anything right according to him and it destroyed my self esteem). God taught me (and is obviously still teaching me) to remember that his opinions are the only ones that matter, that just because I do something different doesn’t mean it’s a sin or that I’m not as valuable, it’s just different. Although it doesn’t seem like a big revelation (and it probably doesn’t to most people) it was a big deal in my life since I always try so hard to please other people that I was putting them before God. He’s helping me get back on track and restoring my relationship with Him.
April says
I also was comparing my life to others here and to all that goes on in the world. It is hard, for me, to feel bad when there is so much suffering that seems so much worse than anything I have ever gone through. But you are right, it isn’t a contest. Maybe there is a message in here for me that I am missing. Through prayer, this study, and digging deeper I am hoping to have my eyes open more and more. Thank you to all of you ladies for your perspectives and stories. This is helping me in ways that I didn’t imagine.
Rachel says
I feel the same way that there is so much worse suffering that goes on with others. I’m learning so much too. I am so grateful for everyone here.
Erin says
Rachel: I am so glad you decided to share. It’s not about equal suffering; it’s about the equal sacrifice Christ made for us all, the equal ways He restores us. It’s hard not to compare, in so many aspects of life, but what God is teaching you through your trials is equally important to the most horrific of stories! Thank you…
NiHaoYall says
Well said, Erin! I so appreciate Rachel’s honesty, I think we can all relate to comparing ourselves to others in some way or another. What a perfect reminder that God teaches us all so differently.
So grateful that He doesn’t compare us to each other – He loves us, teaches us and provides for us uniquely and perfectly 🙂
Amy says
Rachel,
A very wise friend of mine once said to me while we were doing a 15k race……”She has her own issues”. I was comparing our labored progress to that of a perfectly put together gal who didn’t even appear to have broken a sweat. We shared a good laugh and I have held that one sentence close all these years.
I think that is the best part of sharing like this. Our circumstances are different so we can learn from each others “issues” great or small, God has a plan for them all.
Good for you for finding the strength to walk away! God has better for you.
Rachel says
“She has her own issues” I like that and so true!
Kara says
This chapter was so good. My awarness to suffering did not happen until I became a parent our first child (bio) was born with a disability that we did not know about and didn’t even manifest until she was a year old. I can remember going down the journey of discovery, Desperately searching for an answer to the why’s and not receiving any answers from the medical community. After 18 months of searching my husband and I discovered Rett Syndrome on the internet and diagnosed our daughter. Two months later we met with our neurologist who agreed with our diagnosis. That was almost 8 years ago. We still have to watch our daughter struggle to work in a world that was not created for her abilities BUT, it has all been for HIS glory. Having Korinna changed our priorities and our hearts to be more aware of the pain and suffering around us. It also rearranged our hearts to what is truly important. Which ultimately lead us to the adoption of our son from China who has a heart condition. It taught me that God creates beauty from ashes. I know more about the Father’s heart and the peace, strength and joy I receive all because of this VERY hard road we have been given and asked to walk daily with our daughter and now 4 more kiddos (who knows maybe more:)).
tish says
such wisdom in your words, thanks be to God!
NiHaoYall says
Wow, what a testimony! Love your perspective, and all He is doing for His glory through you and your family 🙂
Fannie says
This chapter was interesting to me. Where in the first chapter, I felt like he was addressing SO MANY things that I think about and question, this one provided a very interesting perspective on pain and suffering. I’ve always considered the pain and suffering in the world to be a consequence of Adam & Eve’s decision to go against God. He gave all of us free will to follow him or not. I’ve always been comfortable in the fact that by allowing free will, he has also allowed bad things to happen. At the same time, though, I’ve always agreed that we tend to grow the most during times of trial.
As a child I endured significant hardships. My mother suffered from mental illness and spent many years in and out of the hospital. I remember times where she would see hands coming out of the couch, alligators on the floor, and would think the CIA was out to get her. That was a lot to deal with at the age of six. My dad was pretty self centered and though he would care for us when she was in the hospital, I never felt like he loved us more than himself. We were abused by our grandmother and neglected by him… What I realized as an adult, is that this truly set the foundation for who I am today. I have such a huge desire to provide my children and future children with the childhood I never had. In that time of difficulty as a child, I found God. I learned to trust in him. I felt the love of so many wonderful parents in my church who took me in and mentored me and loved me right along with their own children. Such a wonderful Godly example they set for me, a child who at many times felt absolutely alone in the world! SO, yes, I can definitely see so many ways that God uses difficult times to build us up and make us better people and servants than we ever would have been otherwise. 🙂
NiHaoYall says
Isn’t it amazing how God provides? What your parents did not do for you, God sent others in to do – to lovingly care for you and teach you about Him! Thank you for sharing, Fannie! Despite all you’ve endured, your perspective is awesome!
Leanne says
Oh my! This chapter was easy and hard at the same time!?
I wasn’t going to comment …. Thanks to “Savi” …. I am
Like her, I’ve had the same problem with my mom.
I’ve had heartache that’s turned out alright…. Things I thought were so SO bad at the time, but later realized it was God’s plan….
An unplanned pregnancy … Not just unplanned …. College …. Unmarried …
A miscarriage….
Unplanned pregnancy turned out great,,, Been married 25 years now with a wonderful daughter.
The miscarriage that I thought was the most horrible thing in the world…. It’s ok now.
I’m not done dealing with difficult times …
I trust in God.
I feel sorry for people that don’t know Him. I would not be able to get through hard times without Him.
NiHaoYall says
I completely agree, Leanne… I have no idea how others get through difficulties without the hope that is only found in Him!
Hillary Glauser-Patton says
As I’ve read through all the comments tonight one thing stands out to me at the end–how powerful are the testimonies of those who know what it means to be rescued and can sing His praises, even in the midst of difficulty and despair. Your stories really do that–the words that speak of His goodness in and through all circumstances are powerful and really can’t be explained by any sort of human logic, but rather point to His infinite “enoughness.” This IS our story and our song–that He is our hope! So blessed by your sharing!
NiHaoYall says
Amen! I have heard it called God’s “Godness” 🙂 He IS more than enough!
Lily says
Hi y’all.
I’m coming late to this discussion but I’m finally pushing myself to take the time to join in, not just read the chapters alone. That’s why I signed up after all! I’m honored to read what you’ve shared above.
At first as I read your posts I felt like I didn’t have any sufferings to mention. Then I realized that I do, just different. As a child I was teased and excluded and bullied in fifth grade and didn’t really have any good relationships at school from that point until the middle of eighth grade. The healing had come gradually over the years; some of the awkwardness still remains – especially with men. I can see how it’s given me the fierce desire to protect my students from such pain, and yet I’m not really great at solving relationship problems they have even now so there is still more need for learning as well as trust that God will redeem the bad things that happen to them – it’s not my job nor within my power to make their life perfectly smooth.
A couple years ago I was feeling isolated and alone again, abandoned by the one person who had befriended me the precious year. It was maybe the most I have pressed into God in my life, asking him to be enough for me, to help me to forgive her, and to help me not depend on people or fear rejection. He blessed me later with a friend who really pursued me; I couldn’t understand why, but maybe that gives me a picture of God’s love, he pursues us with love when we are strangers to him. That experience prompted me to pursue another woman here who was feeling rejected and excluded, so I have been able to see some of the redemption of that experience. And the person who abandoned me recently made overtures to renter my life, and when we spent an evening together she apologized for any pain she’d caused, and I was able to say that I’d forgiven her. I’d also realized by then (by God’s grace) that I was not blameless in our relationship’s fade, so I was able to apologize too. She’s moving away now and we are able to part on good terms, remembering the good times.
Now another woman I know has shared that she’s doubting her beliefs because her husband has totally betrayed her on various levels, her marriage disintegrated beyond repair, and she’s so hurt and angry; I was able to share some of the ideas from this chapter but I’m thinking “ok God this is totally out of my league! What now?” I wish I had a paper copy to give her, and a Godly counselor to recommend her to. But I can pray, and pray I will.
tish says
” I’d also realized by then (by God’s grace) that I was not blameless in our relationship’s fade, so I was able to apologize too.” This is most always true, isn’t it?
Deedee says
Two things stuck out to me this week.
One was the reiteration of the fact that sometimes my doubts are actually based on an enormous faith in my own cognitive abilities. Ex. If I can’t figure out a good reason for my daughter to dislocate her knee at the beginning of volleyball camp that ended her participation in that sport for that season, and ‘ruining’ (IMHO!) the perfect chance to make some new friends in her third high school in three years, then there simply cannot be one. How conceited is that?? I am willing to acknowledge my lack of knowledge in some areas, like physics, teenagers and making a good angel food cake at high altitude. Why is admitting that I simply don’t know why God allows certain things to happen so different? Does it make Him any less God just because I cannot explain Him? On the contrary, I think if I had a God that I could figure out every every aspect of why would I need Faith? And I know scripture says without faith it is impossible to please God. I know that when my kids obey without 100 questions about why or when or where that I do feel as if they trust me and know that I love them and only want the best for them. I think it is the same with our Heavenly Father. I don’t think questioning is bad! But when it is based on a lack of trust then it is hurtful to me as a parent. I can hear God saying to me many times, “deedee, when have I ever let you down? Don’t you know that I love you? Trust Me.”
My other comment/question is based on the statement that some of you have commented on. Can someone show me where in scripture Keller found the idea of heaven as a place of ‘restoration of the life you always wanted’? Perhaps I am stumbling on the ‘you always wanted’ part. I didn’t want to lose babies to miscarriage, but even though I know I will see them in heaven, the life I wanted with them as part of it can never be….right?
NiHaoYall says
Okay, I couldn’t help but giggle and nod at this, “I am willing to acknowledge my lack of knowledge in some areas, like physics, teenagers and making a good angel food cake at high altitude. Why is admitting that I simply don’t know why God allows certain things to happen so different?”
Keller is referring to the use of the word “regeneration” in Matthew 19:28 – palengenesis. I don’t think the Bible makes it clear as to what this regeneration is, but we can trust that He WILL make all things new. C.S. Lewis talks about this a lot, too. I have a book by Randy Alcorn called “Heaven” that discusses this perspective as well. Interestingly, Alcorn talks a lot about how the subject of heaven is discussed surprisingly little, especially considering how LONG we will be there 😉
tish says
high altitude baking…a mystery, for sure!
Rebecca says
Wow! This was a great chapter, even though I am so far behind (had a child at the ER and admitted for almost a week).
Honestly, I’ve been through a LOT of suffering and endured a LOT of evil in my lifetime. However, I believe that God has used ALL of it to strengthen me and give me courage to keep going.
I’ve endured an abusive first marriage to an alcoholic man at a very young age. I left him quickly and could never have the faith I have now, had I stayed with him (heck I’d probably not be here at all).
I’ve endured abandonment by my bio mom and years of childhood abuse by a very wicked step-mother, BUT I’m stronger for it, and the cycle has been broken. Praise God!
I endured the tragic death of my father of cancer when I was only 25. I literally held his hand while he took his last breath of life. BUT, that experience brought me to the feet of Jesus….I had strayed and when I felt his soul depart, it was the most profound experience of my life. At age 30 when I lost my mother and held her hand as she passed, I was a strong enough Christian to pray over her and release her into the next life, KNOWING that we will one day be reunited.
I’ve endured the crushing blow of my second marriage being a complete facade – my ex-husband was addicted to porn and was having multiple affairs, going to massage parlors (yes, with a happy ending), hiring prostitutes, sleeping with co-workers, having Craigslist “experiences”, etc. There was a time that I threw myself on the ground crying (literally sobbing) out to God, WHY???!!! However, NOW, I will be even more discerning and will never settle for anything less than the Godly man that is meant to be a husband to me and a father figure to my 5 kids, and if it never happens, I’m content with status quo. I’m leaning INTO God more and gaining faith as a result of this trial.
Lastly, a non-consensual sexual encounter that resulted in an unplanned, out of wedlock pregnancy – my youngest child, whom I say, saved me. Most people don’t know how this child came to be….so I endured the “shame” of being pregnant out of wedlock, especially at my age, a Christian, and mother of 4 already. God gave me this child and I literally thank HIm every night for the gift of this child. This child lights up the room, keeps me on my toes, and is the glue of my family….not to mention my best friend when all the other kids are gone. My kids are my life’s greatest achievements and it can be very lonely when they are gone every other weekend….BUT now I have a crazy little one to chase after! Praise God for bringing such a ray of sunshine from such a tragic, depressing situation.
Everything I have been through, with God has helped shape me into the evolving Christian woman, Godly mother, and person I am becoming (a work in progress for certain)!
I know so many people who seem to resent God, especially due to suffering and evil. I try to explain it, BUT was so glad to read this chapter and gain more insight and hopefully be able to defend my faith more in the future…. I also believe that evil and free will go hand in hand….
tish says
“I’m leaning INTO God more and gaining faith as a result of this trial.”…amen!